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this post was submitted on 29 Nov 2023
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Dude for real. A cheap bidet attachment for your toilet is the way to go.
First off, a bidet is better than toilet paper. I've been using it for years, and it cleans you 100%. I use basically 1 square of TP to dry myself after, and it's always completely clean. If you had a bird shit on your arm would you just wipe it off with paper and call it a day?
I laughed at all my friends who made fun of me for getting one on all my toilets after the great TP shortage of 2021, and a few of them ended up switching over.
For the apocalypse I have a camping toilet with a foot operated bidet. I mean I already use it when car camping, and I have a hand bidet for backpacking.
Solar panels are also in play. I also bought a freeze dryer and have about 5 deers worth of freeze dried jerky, and buy and freeze dry on sale fruit and veggies pretty regularly. I try to maintain around a 1-2 year supply of on hand food. A few steel plates, ar-15 pistol, and enough ammo to hold off the upper floor for quite a while too, but that's another conversation. I'm as ready to go as I can though, let's do this.
Is there a trick I’m missing? Spray my butthole for 30 seconds and I need pretty much as much TP, actually more because the first batches get wet.
No, but realistically the argument that bidets are better for the environment is kind of shit anyway.
You do it for a clean butthole. For a guy like me with a pair of legs belonging to a werewolf, you might end up wiping more but the end result is a clean ass without taking a shower. Worth.
If your stream is at the max setting that's comfortable and you move around a bit and make sure to get the whole area I've got nothing for you other than a recommendation to up the fiber in your diet.
I did get a nicer one that can just about peel the skin off on the highest setting, but even the lower quality one I have on the main bathroom downstairs gets me completely clean. I do tend to use it longer than 30 seconds, I'm pretty thorough about the rinse process.
I've now used japanese style ones and Indonesian style ones and I can say people might be talking about different types. The Japanese style ones that just shoot a water fountain at your butt are fanvy, but I found I still needed to wipe. Indonesian hose style? That fucker will blast all the shit off your ass with just the water
I just use like 2 squares of toilet paper first to mostly dry myself, then like 3-4 to make sure I'm completely wiped. I'm not hairless down there either and that usually works for me.
A cheap bidet attachment is only good in areas with warm water. The tap water here is ice cold in winter.
I still blast icy cold water in the winter. My butthole isn't picky
Adds another dimension to your username for sure
LMFAO fantastic
🤣
I’m thinking we set up our cooperative farm/compound in Anchorage. It’s gorgeous, and one of the places least likely to be affected by climate change disasters.
Canadians might still pose a problem, tho. Be sure to stock on bottle caps
Not with my best in class armor, and arsenal of 500 mini nukes that I definitely did NOT acquire in the magic cheat room.
You have no idea the temptation I have to do just that. A satellite connection and a remote job for income and I'd be good. A family member is up in Alaska already, he's got a plot of land with a natural gas deposit that wasn't large enough or near enough to a populated area for the US gov to care about. So they've got it tapped and have a pretty ideal setup. They bought my grandfather's tractor a while ago an old restored 1912 John Deere.
I do enjoy the comforts of living near everything. I'm not sure I could give up having 100s of restaurants to choose from and a dozen or more grocery stores in a 10 mile radius. Or the specialty delis, high speed gigabit, and other comforts of civilization.
Learn to cook and how to read books. I would envy that situation.
One of my peers works in a very remote area of BC (Americans: BC is in another country and it borders Alaska's south tip) in unionized IT via starlink. Think: the major highway going past it is two-lane.
But:
Remember: nature doesn't care about you and we've only been pissing her off for 50 years.