156
How to stop thinking about an interaction from my past?
(lemmy.world)
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 27 Nov 2023
156 points (97.0% liked)
No Stupid Questions
35694 readers
1136 users here now
No such thing. Ask away!
!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.
The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:
Rules (interactive)
Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.
All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.
Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.
Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.
Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.
Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.
Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.
That's it.
Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.
Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.
Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.
Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.
On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.
If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.
Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.
If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.
Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.
Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.
Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.
Let everyone have their own content.
Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.
Credits
Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!
The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
I would want to shit down the throat of anyone who said that to me immediately after I shared an upsetting memory that had bothered me for years.
You sound like a great person.
It just means that resolving that issue starts with yourself. Grow up, it's a famous quote and isn't meant to fix anything in the moment, just give a different perspective.
I’m not the other person, but it does have real “maybe it was god’s plan for your kid to die” energy. It can be helpful for people, but it can also shut people down. That’s not a bad thing, people benefit from having strong reactions to feeling insulted, as the OP shows. Sometimes it’s smarter to shield yourself from more insults than to accept feedback from any source.
"Maybe it was god's plan for your kid to die energy".
How does that have anything to do with your personal estimate of a situation? I watched both my parents die, why would hearing that quote make me think god wanted them to die? I didn't change the estimate of those situations by pretending I was happy my parents were dead. I did it by thinking they lived a full life and they aren't sad they are dead.
It says you have the power to change your estimate of the situation, it doesn't say how, how fast or how difficult it should be.
Also are we not talking about a dismissive conversation someone had years ago? Where tf do dead kids come into this? Why are we shitting down people's throat again?
I’m not trying to shit down your throat, but trying to use kinder words than the other person (I might have failed) to explain why it’s not an ideal comment to leave there.
I’m not saying it’s bad advice, but people generally have emotional responses to what others say. That’s why delicacy is important- if you say the right thing the wrong way it can make the other person less receptive to the idea as a whole.
Of course this is within their control and you’re not responsible for their emotional reactions, but it’s also a pretty consistent, predictable reaction, so being aware of it and accommodating it is a good idea if you want your words to sink in.
There is also the critique that stoicism makes you more easily exploited, if you come to it without assertiveness already well established. In the OP’s case, telling someone who has wrongfully beaten themselves up for years about an interaction where the other person was cruel to them for no reason, that they’re actually the one at fault, is unlikely to provoke a thorough consideration of stoicism. It’ll either lead to them dismissing you and your ideas, or it will lead to them continuing to beat themselves up.
Edit: the current top comment for me is a good example (imo) for how to express similar ideas without making people defensive.
Wow, can't believe you wrote all that trash and think you know how to talk to people. Lmao. It's just a quote kids.
I’m glad to see you’ve mastered your responses.
Maybe that perspective is unnecessary, unempathetic, and unrealistic. 🤷♂️
Not my fault you don't understand what those words mean. If only there was an emoji for them.
They certainly don't mean what you're implying they mean.
That one person was clearly wrong, and OP can feel comfortable knowing everyone here confirns that. He has the power to change what that moment meant to him, and only he can do it. This is what others are telling him in this thread. How is that unnecessary, unempathetic or unrealistic?
This is true but easier said than done.
Agreed. But he didn't say anything about it being easy!