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How to stop thinking about an interaction from my past?
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 27 Nov 2023
156 points (97.0% liked)
No Stupid Questions
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"Maybe it was god's plan for your kid to die energy".
How does that have anything to do with your personal estimate of a situation? I watched both my parents die, why would hearing that quote make me think god wanted them to die? I didn't change the estimate of those situations by pretending I was happy my parents were dead. I did it by thinking they lived a full life and they aren't sad they are dead.
It says you have the power to change your estimate of the situation, it doesn't say how, how fast or how difficult it should be.
Also are we not talking about a dismissive conversation someone had years ago? Where tf do dead kids come into this? Why are we shitting down people's throat again?
I’m not trying to shit down your throat, but trying to use kinder words than the other person (I might have failed) to explain why it’s not an ideal comment to leave there.
I’m not saying it’s bad advice, but people generally have emotional responses to what others say. That’s why delicacy is important- if you say the right thing the wrong way it can make the other person less receptive to the idea as a whole.
Of course this is within their control and you’re not responsible for their emotional reactions, but it’s also a pretty consistent, predictable reaction, so being aware of it and accommodating it is a good idea if you want your words to sink in.
There is also the critique that stoicism makes you more easily exploited, if you come to it without assertiveness already well established. In the OP’s case, telling someone who has wrongfully beaten themselves up for years about an interaction where the other person was cruel to them for no reason, that they’re actually the one at fault, is unlikely to provoke a thorough consideration of stoicism. It’ll either lead to them dismissing you and your ideas, or it will lead to them continuing to beat themselves up.
Edit: the current top comment for me is a good example (imo) for how to express similar ideas without making people defensive.
Wow, can't believe you wrote all that trash and think you know how to talk to people. Lmao. It's just a quote kids.
I’m glad to see you’ve mastered your responses.