Same. I'm 3 years younger, but depression, anxiety, and the resulting lack of any kind of sense of mission have made me so miserable. The lockdowns tore down the resemblance of a social network I had, and now it feels like there's nothing left. I'm trying to get better and to change, turn my life around, but it's hard. I don't have any encouraging words. Just know that you're not alone in feeling like that <3