this post was submitted on 16 Sep 2026
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Pansexual: Attracted to people regardless of gender characteristics.
"Pan" because gender is functionally irrelevant. Any and all genders accepted because it doesn't matter.
Bisexual: Attracted to multiple genders specifically because of their gender characteristics.
"Bi" in the sense of being "bi-directional" in attraction, usually attracted to specific gender traits and as a result not all genders, just more than one.
For instance, I'm finsexual, which is a subcategory of bisexual because it describes specific gender elements that I am attracted to but is not a sub category of pansexual as a result.
I don't know why but this is making me feel my age. I feel like I mentally just patted down different pockets across my mind like an old man, looking for a pamphlet or flow chart that I know I don't have but desperately need.
The autism is compelling me to make a laminated pocket sized booklet with an updated chart of all gender, sexual orientation, and flag colors. But I also feel being spotted in public using the LGBTQ Pokedex might be faux pas?
You dont have to know them all. Its just a comfort to people to have a label when you can't otherwise communicate your experience :) (and in some cases it makes you feel less alone and weird for relating to people in a way you dont see anyone else experiencing)
And there are a lot of ways to experience sexuality and attraction (or to not experience it), so there are a lot of labels! But you dont need to know all of them
You can always ask if someone uses a label you dont know and you'd like to know (eg "oh, ive not heard that label before. What does it mean to you?") and as long as you're being friendly people usually take comfort in seeing someone interested in understanding them. But unless you're in community with someone and want to understand their identity, its not neccesary to really know the various labels, nevermind have a complete list and know all of them by heart
Sending love from my corner of the world to yours ☺️ (signed, a person who's maybe gray-ace :)
This is a really sweet comment <3
I'm glad you think so ☺️☺️
....Wholesomeness? On lemmy? Not on my watch!!1!1
Nonsensically mean comment! Thatll teach you to never be kind to other humans! Hmmmph!
(jk)
Nah, I looked it up because its my specific type of attraction and its easier to tell someone I'm finsexual and assume they'll look it up or ask me to explain what that is. Rather than up front explaining in detail what my specific sexual interests are which might be a tad forward...
So ......what you're saying is there will be high demand for my LGBTQ Pokedex? I need to file a copyright real quick.
Please explain your sexual interests entirely through allegory without using explicit vocabulary generally accepted to be sexual in connotation. Thank you.
It's tough because the language has evolved relatively rapidly over the past few decades, and is still evolving quite rapidly. Definitions emerge and compete for relevancy (like the atrocious "Bi means you aren't attracted to trans people" strain that has popped up in this thread) and they can contradict or confuse with each other. It has been my experience that it's harder to absorb vocabulary as I get older, so I think I know what you mean. I've stopped trying to reach a comprehensive understanding, I just try to use the language that helps and respects people and not the language that harms and demeans people as best I can.
Yeah, I feel like past 35 it's harder to keep up with trending vernacular. I just try my best to be respectful. I think the autism has kinda trained me to use gender neutral pronouns and to avoid assuming sexual orientation anyways. I've always had a hard time distinguishing gender unless it's blatantly obvious someone is presenting as masculine or feminine.
Pansexuals loving pans 🤝 finsexuals loving fish
Tbh I’ve always considered myself pansexual just because I am attracted to what I’m attracted to, no guardrails or borders. I usually view these terms as more like shackles than support. I suppose 99% of the time I could be considered finsexual aside from the stray guy. Usually I just explain pansexuality to my boomer family as my sexuality is whatever gets me horny and can give moral enthusiastic consent. Thats what it means to me at least. I don’t overthink it beyond that.
Honestly, I think I like these definitions best. Just2look is also probably correct about a lot of people too though.
Yeah the Bisexual flag is fucking cool.
I like these definitions. But i feel like if i call myself bi, it misleads people who dont know this definition.
This is why I prefer "queer" personally, because why should I have to explain my sexuality to anyone. I'll know what I like when the time comes and that has expanded and contracted over the years. There is no specific line I feel like I need to use as a definition. To me drawing a line just limits things and misleads others. Language is imperfect and sexuality is complex.
I also most often use queer to define my sexuality to others (as in my Lemmy bio), but consider myself bisexual and refer to myself as such when asked directly or in conversation with queer friends.
I know I'm probably getting downvoted to hell for this. I think calling yourself "finsexual" does nothing to help you find a partner. Why do you even need that label? The obsession with applying increasingly specific labels to people doesn't feel healthy. In reality, you meet people, and you like someone you meet, romantically and/or sexually and/or socially, or you don't. These specific types of labels are only for people's imaginary future partners and seem to be an attempt at having a modicum of control in a world that's entirely uncertain and ambiguous
I don't think they would use the term in a dating scene when interacting with people unless is on topic.
Why not?
It would seem unhealthy to do so to others, but they are defining themselves in a space where specifically that is being discussed. That's not obsession.
Hard disagree. I agree with you in that when you find a partner you either like them or you don't, and they don't need to know much more that you like them.
These terms are for the person to understand themselves better so they can interact more efficiently with others, not a template that others need to know to interact with you.
I like women, but I don't care much about what they have between their legs. That's technically straight, but I'd say that a lot of straight people wouldn't accept that, so I like to think I'm flex straight. I wouldn't point it out to my partner unless we were talking about sexuality to begin with, but this is a post about sexuality, it's very on topic to think more deeply about this stuff.
Sure, but why create new words that 99.3% of people would have to look up rather than just say, "I'm attracted to feminine people." The constant drumbeat of new terms to describe sexualities and genders is utterly exhausting. We already have the language to describe all these things effectively without creating new words
My brother in Christ, have you know language? It evolves constantly. New words are created and old ones stop being used all the time.
You are getting annoyed in a comment chain about sexuality where the first use of the term was in a comment where the meaning was explained. You don't need to look it up because they explained it right there, and if that's exhausting maybe don't engage in the discussion? Their comment is way more on topic than yours, just saying.
Exhausting? Really? It doesn't affect your life in any way, you can choose not to engage with the topic. I recommend you to try relaxing your views on this topic and removing it importance given the context in which it was used. It feels like you are linking other instances where you saw or you were told that people used terms in a way where it disrupted conversation with this one, but again, in this instance it was very on topic and definitely not disruptive, this was not the best comment chain where to express your frustrations.
You did the equivalent of going to a video gaming convention and complaining why everyone is talking about computer games instead of just playing sports. If someone was playing videogames in an outing and killing the vibe maybe you could tell on him, but the convention definitely wasn't the forum, and this isn't.
Edit to actually answer your question lmao: because labels are fun, everyone likes labels. Humans tend to label everything from time immemorial. People enjoy creating labels for themselves. If going to a post about sexuality and reading comments about people discussing labels is exhausting, please leave :)
Its just a communication tool. Saying I'm a finsexual instead of bi tends to ease issues for me because sometimes people misinterpret just saying I'm bi to suggest "oh they might be attracted to me." Which has directly lead to problems for me. Being a little more specific seems like a reasonable means to avoid those problems.
This is why i consider myself Bi, I’m attracted to femininity regardless of gender