this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2026
15 points (82.6% liked)
AskTransgender
736 readers
9 users here now
A place to ask transgender people questions and get answers about the trans experience.
Rules:
-
Respect other people's identities
-
No Fetishizing Trans people
-
No Gatekeeping about not being "trans enough"
-
No Inciting Drama
-
No personal Agendas
-
Posts should encourage discussion
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
So uh, slow down a second here. Not to open with hostility but we need to cover something first. Communities like this are often rightfully very suspicious of posts like this, especially phrased like this, because cishet bigots like to shit out emotionally charged posts with the intention of creating discord and getting their screenshots of objectionable replies for recirculation later. Idk if that's what the r/traa mods were actually doing in this case, I'm not them, but it's understandable why they're very on edge about these kinds of posts in our current political climate. I've spoken to several of their mods before, they certainly don't strike me as "dumbasses", so I get the impression there was a lot of misunderstanding happening there, and I'm sorry to hear that.
To get at the actual meat of your issue, though, I have a lot of questions that I promise aren't attacks on you in any way: Why did you get bottom surgery (like, fundamentally)? What were your expectations going in to it, and what were you hoping to achieve with it? What kinds of conversations did you have with mental health professionals and your surgeon about those things? Was dysphoria a motivation for you going into this? If not, what was your driving motivation?
I strongly recommend seeing a gender specialized therapist ASAP if you aren't already. They're gonna be able to do more to help than any social media community ever can.
Edit: removed part about being early in recovery because I misread the start of your post, I thought it said 1 month and not 1 year :( my bad
A lot of the discussions I had with mental health professionals were largely me telling then the things I thought would get me bottom surgery. I thought and was told that I needed bottom surgery to be valid. I was told many things, including that it was required for legal gender change, and that I could be assaulted by someone for having the wrong genitals.
I never actually felt any dysphoria about my penis or testicles, I was told that "numbness" is a form of dysphoria and that I would feel better once I was post-OP but it felt like the worst decision in my life. I was told that's normal and I would feel better as I heal but I didn't it just got worse.
I thought that getting bottom surgery would be as people said, that it would suck while I was healing but it would get better and I would feel more like a woman. I don't feel any more or less like a woman than before but I do feel disgusted and disgusting about what I have now, and I feel sad and miss having a dick and balls.
I hate those cis people you talk of, they are disgusting. They gave me so much fake support on Reddit and all of them told me that I feel bad because I'm a boy and just coping by pretending to be a girl. They refused to call me she/her pronouns saying I need to heal from the delusion. Fuck those people. I hate those people. I probably do need to see a therapist, I don't want to see the ones I was seeing before. They just told me to give it time and that I would adjust. That going through this is normal. Even when I came in one day with stitches in my hand because I broke my bedroom mirror out or disgust and sadness of seeing myself naked after the shower.
Damn, I'm really sorry to hear that. I've rarely encountered trans circles openly push other trans people towards bottom surgery, it sounds like you got fucked on advice by a group who've never really encountered genital non-dysphoric trans people. I also completely forgot there's societies where it's required for a legal gender change recognition. The assault thing might actually be true in some capacity regardless, but that should never have been a reason to push you to make the decision. "Numbness" can be a presentation of dysphoria, but it's active and miserable, not passive and unnoticeable. People you talked to seem to have used those words to fit their own experiences but accidentally extrapolated them into yours.
I agree you need new therapists, and I suggest bringing a written document going over all the things you've brought up to us. Out of curiosity, what country/region are you from? It sounds like the therapists (and your social circles) are talking to you with a very outdated idea of what it means to be trans, one I see a lot out of certain regions like the southern US and eastern europe. One that's very "a boy needs boy parts and a girl needs girl parts" and struggling to see how some people won't fit that simple mold (which would explain why everyone keeps trying to tell you that you'll get over it).
Before I poof away back into internet anonymity, I wanna tell you there is hope. It's not easy, and the path to getting everything approved is difficult, but the same surgeons who do successful GRS for trans men can work with you to reconstruct your penis. Look into that, and give yourself something to keep living for.