Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
- Please follow the rules of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance.
- Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
- Gatekeeping will not be tolerated.
- Please be kind and respectful to all.
- Please tag NSFW topics.
- No NSFW image posts.
- Please provide content warnings where appropriate.
- Please do not repost bigoted content here.
This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.
Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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What made you choose to go through with it in the first place?
What makes you miss it now? What is it about then vs now that you miss?
I was told by people I know and in support groups that it was the next stage and that if I didn't I wouldn't ever feel like a real woman. I was told that I would be seen as a man by others and that I could be assaulted by people I meet and hook up with. I don't really know, I guess I believed the shit people told me and thought it was the right thing to do. It was not.
I miss peeing while standing up. I miss... (People will think I'm a troll for this)
NSFW
I miss jacking myself to porn. Touching myself in general down there. Feeling myself down there, jiggling my balls. Things I took for granted back then. I also hate dialating, I haven't done it at all in the past 2 months. It just feels so gross to stick something inside me. I don't even care if this rotten hole closes up. It's not like they can fix it or put it back how it was.I miss just having it in general. Seeing myself with a dick back then I never thought anything of it, but seeing myself with this disgusting hole in my crotch just makes me want to vomit, and always makes me cry. I look so disgusting, I know other people don't think I would look disgusting if they saw me naked but I look disgusting to myself with a vagina. I hated it so much that I ended up breaking my bedroom mirror out of anger, sadness, and disgust. Tore a 2 inch gash in my hand doing that.
Alright so here's why I think you're a troll:
Being post-op doesn't change shit for trans women when it comes to hook ups or even meeting people. Transphobes will do it regardless. Transphobes will see you as a man regardless. Everyone in the trans community is inescapably aware of this. People who are not transphobes will have no issue seeing you as a woman regardless of your equipment.
Trans people do not, under any circumstances, gatekeep when you feel like a "real woman" because bottom surgery is something utterly inaccessible to most.
The way you describe it skips over the part where actually getting bottom surgery is a long series of hoops to jump through including multiple different therapist letters where every single person everywhere along the way is going to double check with you that you really do want to go through with this. If you express even the slightest hesitation, they're going to tell you no. Someone who is actually unsure whether or not they want it is going to back out. No amount of peer pressure would ever be enough to get someone to go through with it which, again, that peer pressure won't exist because trans people will never tell you when you get to feel like a real woman. If you come into a space expressing that, it's up to you to say that not having bottom surgery is the reason for that feeling. Nobody else can ever tell you what to feel about it.
Lastly, the idea that you can no longer touch yourself after bottom surgery, jack off to porn, or feel yourself is absurd. You absolutely can, surgeons preserve the sexual function. Even if you went to the least reputable bottom surgeon there was, you wouldn't be saying the things you are in the way you are if you did. You'd be saying you regretted the surgeon you went to or that the results weren't what you wanted, not that you wanted the old equipment back as is. It would be couched in "well it was better than this because everything sucks for XYZ reason" where XYZ reason is none of the reasons you just gave.
Sorry, but this is simply wrong. There is a whole section of the community that does exactly that. They are known as transmedicalists. They believe that you have to have dysphoria to be trans, and that you have to badly want GRS, and do everything you can to attain it.
For many many years, this fitting this description was the only way to access medical care, as popularised by the Benjamin Standards of care. And whilst many countries have moved away from this, many have not. There are many trans communities and sub communities that absolutely judge trans people who don't need or want GRS, because they're perpetuating the transphobic gatekeeping that they've internalised in to their own self image.
Which is to say, a key part of your suspicion is based on your own lack of exposure to harmful parts of the community, and there is a non zero chance that you're being needlessly cruel to someone expressing their pain and vulnerability.
Yes, it's suspicious that someone with a brand new account appears out of nowhere, and expresses pain and distress at an experience that is uncommon in trans spaces, yet is also perceived as common by transphobes.
But unless you know for certain that you aren't hurting a genuine member of the community with your words, I'm going to ask that you refrain from engaging further.
I made another comment after yours because it took a while to draft and so I posted it before I saw this. I've aired my concerns and accounted for transmedicalists in them, I am fine stepping away now.
This is a really, really bad take and it's very cruel, I completely understand why you'd be suspicious, but I think even with those suspicions, you should be erring on the side of caution, on the chance you are wrong, you may have pushed a transgender person closer to suicide by invalidating their experiences.
There is a good deal of transmedicalism out there, and I don't see many signs of OP being a troll at all, they seem like someone nearing the end of their rope to me.
I understand the concern. I came off harsher than I intended but I do feel fairly strongly that the poster is not who they claim to be and is not posting in good faith. The details, language, and content don't line up with someone who was heavily influenced by transmedicalists either. There is the possibility of details and information that would change my mind but that's where it stands right now. I would need to see the points I brought up addressed.
I don't want to ostracize someone struggling from the community but I don't want to simply ignore astroturfing / astroterfing either. People do try to poison the trans community or others perceptions of trans people sometimes, we are unfortunately a fairly controversial topic right now. I've seen too many instances of transphobes making their own social media posts posing as people who regret something in transition in order to then screenshot it and share it in their own circles, for example. In my best judgment, I think this post is far enough past suspicious that I'm willing to state my concerns matter-of-factly.
I encourage others to upvote or downvote me accordingly with whether they think my take is good, bad, the post is real, fake, etc. if people disagree with me and OP is indeed genuine, then at the very least a negative score would make it easier for them to ignore my take.
Screw you! if I wanted to have people dismiss my experiences and validity I would go back to the transphobes on Reddit!
@LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone @ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone Why remove my comment?
They didn't, our auto-mod did. We have an automod that detects profanity.
I have disabled it for you now.
Oh, @ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone @LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone I'm sorry My bad. I've been very volatile lately. I'm hurting very badly lately.
That’s entirely understandable. It’s a small aspect of what you’re going through, but people with vaginas can pee standing up (and you’ve already learned how to control your stream and aim, so you’re ahead of the others).
Tap for spoiler
If you make an upside down peace/victory sign with your hand and place your first and middle fingers on each side of your labia majora, you can pull everything forward a little and control your aim from there.Modlog says it was automodded: https://programming.dev/modlog/17067