this post was submitted on 22 Jan 2026
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[–] Raiderkev@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

From a reddit thread of someone who allegedly knew him:

I just found out I know Greg Bovino personally. Here are some things you can tell him when you next see him.

Hello, Minneapolis resident here but I didn’t always live in Minneapolis. Once, long ago I lived in a quiet little mountain town of Boone, NC. Guess who else grew up there? A pathetic squat little toad named Gregory Bovino. Well, that squat little toad grew up to be a squat little Nazi toad who has decided to come to my beautiful adopted home to torture, murder, and terrorize my friends and neighbors. He is personally going door to door, so if you see him, here’s a few very specific things from home you can politely yell at him:

“Hey Greg! Remember how your Dad murdered a woman in Blowing Rock while driving drunk? Like father like son I guess.”

“Hey Greg! You’re the reason your dad got drunk and killed that woman in Blowing Rock which lead to your parents divorce. I guess that means you’re the reason they got divorced.”

“Hey Greg! Do you think it’s weird that the Watauga High yearbook has you listed as “Most Likely to Shit His Pants in Public?”

“Hey Greg, your history teacher ‘G.I. Jones’ thinks you’re a pathetic Nazi punk. No wonder you failed all his classes.”

“Hey Greg! Did you know your mom is a register Democrat? Does that make Thanksgiving awkward?”

“Hey Greg! Remember when the Mast Store banned your for sniffing shoes after people tried them on?”

“Hey Greg! Do you remember eating the Watauga Pioneers wrestling team’s soggy biscuit? Is it still gay to eat to eat semen off a Bojangles biscuit or was that just an 80s thing?”

“Hey Greg! Watauga High still thinks you’re a loser!”

“Hey Greg! Boone, NC fucking hates you.”

“Hey Greg! They is it true only inbreds come from Possum Hollow?”

“Hey Greg! Remember when you fell into the porta-John at the Valle Country Fair and they couldn’t find you for hours and people just came in and kept shitting on you and shitting on you?”

“Hey Greg, remember when Mr. Combs found you jerking off to Nat Geo magazines in the high school bathroom?”

“Hey Greg remember swimming at Trash Can falls and your swim suit fell off and all the girls laughed at your micro penis? Watauga High still remembers.”

EDIT: in case anyone is wondering, the woman his father killed was named Janie Mae Mitchell. I’m sure he’ll remember the name if you want to yell it’s him.

EDIT 2: please join me in getting #GregBovino #SoggyBiscuit trending on TikTok and all other social media.

[–] unemployedclaquer@sopuli.xyz 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

All that cheesy phrasing and shitty put downs makes the alleged veracity basically null. Buttfuck, this is how we talk now!

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 3 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

I just want to know how you fall in a porta potty. Like how is that a possible thing to happen?

[–] unemployedclaquer@sopuli.xyz 3 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

Not in the modern sense of those things being all plastic. But I can see some enterprising lunatic bolting together a wooden 4x4 shack and carting it down to the county fair, and convincing an official to pay for the privilege. Then it gets installed atop a specially dug 8-foot-hole. And Gregory Bovino just wanders in there, inspects all the creature comforts of this high end custom log cabin shitterizo, and just jumps in the hole. Probably happened year after year at the county fair

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 3 points 18 hours ago

dude don't kinkshame Gregory Stefan Vasilovich Mikhailovich Smakovnakov Bovinovich.