this post was submitted on 13 Jan 2026
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[–] BeanGoblin@lemmy.blahaj.zone 160 points 22 hours ago (7 children)

“Next, many of my Christian friends have asked me to find Jesus before I go. I’m not a believer, but I have to admit the risk-reward calculation for doing so looks so attractive to me, so here I go. I accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and look forward to spending an eternity with Him. The part of me not being a believer should be quickly resolved if I wake up in heaven. I won’t need any more convincing than that. I hope I’m still qualified for entry.”

What an absolute fucking goober. Good luck with that one, chief.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 123 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago) (3 children)

That's Pascal's wager, and it's nothing new.

There's plenty more about him that can be criticized.

[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 33 points 18 hours ago (3 children)

Pascal's Wager is hilarious because it implies that their "omniscient" God is so stupid he can be tricked into thinking you sincerely believe. Sounds blasphemous to me!

[–] RustyShackleford@programming.dev 8 points 16 hours ago

I thank god everyday that he made me an atheist.

[–] jj4211@lemmy.world 1 points 11 hours ago

I suppose it depends on if you think faith is inherently important or it's just the behavior.

I mean his paragraph is pretty much outright silly, but broadly you can decide that acting "right" might happen to help you in an afterlife scenario. Some specifics prescribed by religion are kind of arbitrary, but there's some common things about trying to be good to others.v Going MAGA like he did would seem to be a perilous move in that context.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 5 points 18 hours ago

That's why this guy is better known for his contributions to computer science

[–] Taldan@lemmy.world 35 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

How about the fact he used his status as a conservative voice to skip the line and get priority experimental cancer treatments? Not only did he die, but somewhere out there there is another person dead or dying because they got bumped from the treatment

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 32 points 20 hours ago

I prefer the one where he was such a shitty father that he mused about not having to murder his own teenaged son after he ODed

[–] atzanteol@sh.itjust.works 9 points 17 hours ago

Things are "experimental" because we don't know if they work, not because they are better.

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 15 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago)

I refuse to believe the pantheons of gods didn't predict pascal's wager and hide an antipascal clause similar to Matthew 25:31 where not being an asshole will send you to heaven and being an asshole sends you to hell.

[–] mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago) (2 children)

That’s Pascal’s Wager, taken to the logical conclusion. Pascal’s Wager is basically the idea that debating whether or not God exists is meaningless; If you simply live life as if God does exist, then there are no downsides. Just be someone who God would want in heaven, and the actual belief doesn’t really matter.

But then when you take that to a logical conclusion, it basically turns into “there’s no downside if I’m wrong, and repenting on my deathbed means all my previous sins are forgiven. So why not repent right before dying, so my previous sins are forgiven and I’m dying with a clean slate?”

Different denominations have different opinions on it. Baptists tend to take the “fire and brimstone unless you repent, but you’re all golden after repentance” stance. So they would tend to agree with this scenario. This is also why southern baptists tend to be such cunts, because they tell themselves that their actions are righteous and backed by God, because they have repented. Basically, justifying evil is easy when you change the question from “is this morally evil” to “is this backed by my god?”

Catholics used to have a very hard “baptism washes away (almost) all sins” stance, but have recently adopted a more fluid “how you act in life is just as important as what you believe” stance. So older Catholics would have likely agreed, but modern Catholics would tend to disagree.

The more liberal denominations (like United Methodists) would scoff and say that faith without works is dead.

[–] imsufferableninja@sh.itjust.works 4 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

If he's a pascal's wager guy, I hope he died in battle just in case the Norse are correct. And his deeds in life kept his heart lighter than a feather, in case the Egyptians got it right. Etc.

I hope he died in battle just in case the Norse are correct

He did, he died battling cancer.

[–] drmoose@lemmy.world 1 points 13 hours ago

pascals wager is incredibly stupid and illogical. What about other 10 billion religions? What if accepting jesus now puts you down with 9,999,999,999 other religions?

[–] CaptDust@sh.itjust.works 35 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago) (3 children)

Don't believe in God, until you're standing at the pearly gates. St Peter hates this one weird trick

[–] SirActionSack@aussie.zone 21 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago)
[–] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 20 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (2 children)

To be fair, that's a very Southern Baptist way to look at it. If you've ever read a Chick Tract (I'm so sorry), you'll know that many end with someone who lived mired in sin earnestly repenting and believing in God right before they die, and it's shown to work. Some other branches of Christianity, notably Catholicism, relax the emphasis on belief and put more stock into your actions while you lived – although they also believe most but not all sins can be pardoned if you confess and perform penance.

However, I would suggest that believing in God because of Pascal's wager is:

  1. Obviously idiotic (this part we all know). There are an infinite amount of gods you could believe in that would have the belief requirement. Even if you assert that it's a belief in "a" god, how are we supposed to know it wouldn't be some god who values empirical reason and would look down on this belief? These infinitesimal odds you're wasting your only known life on aren't even strictly positive.

  2. Something the God of the Bible probably wouldn't appreciate? Within the shared fiction of Christianity, he knows exactly what's in your heart, and I'm sure "I'm cooperating just so you give me the goods" doesn't play well. Granted that's kind of on God for being an abusive parent and threatening eternal damnation to anyone who doesn't, but I'm still sure he doesn't like people who game his abusive system for selfish ends.

[–] agent_nycto@lemmy.world 10 points 21 hours ago (3 children)

I fucking love Chick Tracts and collect them. They are so wildly unhinged it's great

[–] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 6 points 21 hours ago

Seconding that Chick Tracts are comedy gold (Exhibit A). They're so feverishly deranged that they become an unintentional parody of evangelical Christianity. Solidly "so bad it's good".

[–] UnspecificGravity@piefed.social 4 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

They used to get left in the bathrooms on Washington State Ferries pretty reliably and I got together a pretty good collection. The first one I read was the classic Dungeons and Dragons one, this would have been pretty close to its first publication too. I wish I had kept those.

[–] smh@slrpnk.net 3 points 19 hours ago

I used to get them as a kid, trick or treating. I kind of miss them in a messed-up nostalgia way.

[–] 4am@lemmy.zip 2 points 19 hours ago

There was a table in the NYC subway many years ago that had thousands of them and they were handing them out. I definitely took a couple, knowing full well what they are, for the sheer novelty.

Also to give them a few less to hand out to someone who might be susceptible because fuck em

[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 5 points 19 hours ago

I was hoping to find and share an image macro of Leela and Nibbler discussing the meaning of life, with Leela remarking, "So every religion is wrong!"

Unfortunately, all I could find is Leela/Nibbler porn. Lots and lots of it. Goddamn, humans. We should be lucky there's no judgemental god watching us all.

[–] BenVimes@lemmy.ca 3 points 21 hours ago

"The vilest offender who truly believes, that moment from Jesus a pardon receives," so goes the old hymn.

[–] 4am@lemmy.zip 15 points 19 hours ago

Supply-side Jesus

[–] humanamerican@lemmy.zip 7 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

Adams had many detestable views, but I interpreted this as a sarcastic quip, mocking those who seriously think that way.

[–] UnspecificGravity@piefed.social 9 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

This is the guy that literally begged Donald Trump to cure his cancer.

[–] humanamerican@lemmy.zip 6 points 19 hours ago

No he begged Trump to strong-arm KP into giving him special treatment. That's just nepotism, not magical thinking.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 7 points 21 hours ago

Yeah he was obsessed with his own intelligence and loved mocking those who disagreed with him

[–] shutz@lemmy.ca 2 points 19 hours ago

Les paris stupides...

[–] radio@sh.itjust.works 1 points 20 hours ago

Gods hate him!

See how he faked his way into heaven using this one weird trick!