this post was submitted on 13 Jan 2026
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I skipped the steps of the application process that would have clued the agency in on my lack of fitness for the position. I made no effort to hide my public loathing of the agency, what it stands for, and the administration that runs it. And they offered me the job anyway.

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[–] BrianTheeBiscuiteer@lemmy.world 62 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yup. If I get fired I'm definitely applying and they'll regret hiring me.

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 94 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (7 children)

Things ICE agents shouldn't do:

  • Download a virus on work computer
  • Accidentally drop cell keys into detainee areas
  • LSD in office coffee machine
  • Crash patrol vehicle into ocean
  • Arrest spouses of other ICE agents
  • Arrest all of Trump's wives
  • Racially profile Kash Patel
  • Irrigate ammo storage areas
  • Disco Elysium stuff
  • Break into empty buildings with absentee landowners and leave them open.
  • Fake your arrest numbers
  • Deport MAGA immigrants
[–] jayambi@lemmy.world 22 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

asking for a friendv does the LSD in the coffee machine work? i mean doesn't it get burned or damaged?

[–] interrobang@lemmy.blahaj.zone 36 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Good question, I looked and it is unstable at higher temps!

Ketamine, however, is higher-temp stable ;)

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Good point. Only put LSD in a cold pot. I thought ergot survived baking but maybe there's something that stabilizes LSD in that situation.

[–] jayambi@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago

cold brew coffee anyone?

[–] Scotty_Trees@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

when you say you "looked" did you just ask AI? ;)

[–] interrobang@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Wikipedia, she's my ride or die

[–] Scotty_Trees@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago
[–] 7101334@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yes, it works, but also yes, high temps will destroy LSD. So if it was a brand-new-scalding-hot pot, it would probably degrade. Would you still feel it? Idk. If it's a lukewarm pot though, you'll probably trip just fine.

For informational purposes only, obviously.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 weeks ago

Urine does not heat degrade. Just sayin.

[–] jaaake@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

This happened at my Junior High School the year after I had left, but it turns out it was iced tea, not hot tea: https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1997-04-11-mn-47764-story.html

[–] JoeBigelow@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 weeks ago

Ugh, poor guy. Being dosed can be a lot of fun given a handful of strict conditions, but otherwise it's worse than battery IMO. I can't imagine having no experience with LSD and being dosed at work.

[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I dunno about giving a bunch of unknowingly LSD who also happen to have access to guns and the ability to destroy lives. Seems like a bad idea.

Now laxaitives or sediatives, that's a different story. Cna't shoot innocent people if you're too busy shitting on the toilet or asleep at the wheel.

[–] assa123@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Sleeping at the wheel or speeding for a toilet still seems a bit dangerous for the average driver, but for them that sounds below their mark.

[–] fleem@piefed.zeromedia.vip 6 points 2 weeks ago

fuck yeah lsd and disco

[–] Flatworm7591@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 2 weeks ago

Now you're talking.

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 weeks ago

LSD in office coffee machine

Not sure but the heat might destroy the compound

[–] blitzen@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Except the MAGA immigrant thing. Actually don’t do that. We shouldn’t be deporting anyone because of their politics.

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Its what they want. Sometimes you're the guy wishing at the monkey paw, sometimes you're the monkey paw.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

actually, i'm thinking maybe joining ice could get me the drugs i need to live easier. also i could deport people to i don't know honolulu

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Low level ICE grunts have zero say in where people get sent

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

Hey not now I just got to the part of the fantasy where my pony got a medal