AskTransgender

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A place to ask transgender people questions and get answers about the trans experience.

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Respect other people's identities
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Advice for first date with a trans woman? (sopuli.xyz)

submitted 4 weeks ago by Gork@sopuli.xyz to c/asktransgender@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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Hi, I've got a date in a few days with a lovely trans woman whom I've not met before but chat online and talk with on the phone. I'd like to know if there are any faux paus in general that I should avoid.

I have reassured her that I unequivocally see her a woman, that I strongly support trans and LGBTQ rights.

For context I'm a bisexual cis man. She's pre-op but looking to get hormone replacement therapy. She doesn't seem to have dysmorphia about her nether bits, but does have dysmorphia from the negative social stigma. I didn't press too much about it as I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. I also shared some personal details to put her at ease about my identity so she knows I'm not just a creep.

She very much seems into me though, and is very open to talk sexually as well which I find as a good sign as it indicates very open communication.

Thanks for any advice!

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[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 4 weeks ago

oh I meant more like I use the phrase a lot IRL 😅

agreed about cis people being genital focused and the term feeling different coming from them in a context like that.

tbh I think most people have a kind of implicit genital essentialist view of gender, and I'm sure that kind of view influenced my own dyphoria and discomfort with my genitals (though it's hard to tell when dysphoria is coming from social expectations or socialized ways of thinking vs something more culture-independent and presumably biological).

Regardless, my essentialist views were pretty challenged by transitioning, and I even find it difficult now to think of trans women as having "male" genitals, that's just not the reality ...