this post was submitted on 06 Jan 2026
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In that moment you stop eating and stare them down, birds don't like you staring at them because that's predator behavior. And if the bastards try to lunge at you, you just swiftly try to grab them. In my experience you need only one grab attempt and they don't dare to come close anymore. Also if you actually manage to yoink them, just throw them away lmao
Yeah, if you actually defend yourself they quickly back off. Same with goose that so many people are afraid of. Just grab them by the neck and yeet them away. If they don't back off, grab them by the neck again and choke them.
And with roosters a firm (but not too strong) kick to the chest is enough. If that doesn't work grab them and press them to the ground.
But I don't want to hurt them :(
Can I shove their heads in my mouth? Maybe that will scare them.
and then wash your hands
No! Lick them slowly to assert dominance! Then die a few days later. To assert dominance.
Also lick your lips and show a little teeth. I have a friend who is into bird watching, and apparently the licking of lips is often enough to scare away birds that would otherwise have waited around a little bit longer.
But I don't like making eye contact!!
If I get my hands on one of those things I'm not throwing it away before repeatedly smashing it as hard as I can against the most solid surface I can find in the vicinity. Or against another seagull, if possible.
That's animal cruelty. If you don't want to toss it, just eat it like any proper predator would
The stuff those things eat, they're surely toxic as fuck. Plus, they're parasites, animal cruelty shouldn't apply to them. Exterminate them with extreme prejudice. Also, they're birds. Should've gone extinct 65 million years ago with the rest of their ilk.