this post was submitted on 24 Dec 2025
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Chapotraphouse
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No anti-nautilism posts. See: Eco-fascism Primer
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Flash forward 9 months from now. You barely use me, your fancy iPhone, anymore. Everyone in town is happy as they come over to your 3500 square foot barndominion to see you, your now hunky husband, and your 3.825 children for a barbecue.
Ding ding, I chirp. You look at the screen. It’s a text from your old boss. “Any chance we could get our top muffin-store-closer back in time for the holidays?”
Cut to a flasback sequence where it is revealed that this is all a psyop by Big Muffin to make hunky husband's muffin shop too overpriced to exist and to install a new McMuffin's to this rural town once all competition is eliminated by ways of lobbyists and capitalists. The sequence ends, cut to black.
fin.
Make this all about crumbl cookies and it would be true