this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2023
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chapotraphouse
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You’re not too poor for hobbies, you’re too poor to go skydiving and shit. There’s plenty of hobbies that don’t require expensive gear. No one wants to date a person who never does anything. Whatever you do is your hobby.
I was seeing a woman recently who was in debt and worked 2 full time jobs and 1 part time job and spent all her free time going on dates with me or clubbing with her friends
You can 100% be too poor to have hobbies
😱 Dating you was her hobby! (And clubbing)
Clubbing is a hobby. You got special equipment, skills, a complex jargon and culture.
What do you think a hobby is?
If you’re always in survival mode then you don’t have time for dating either. It sucks but almost everyone in the history of humanity didn’t get to pick their partner and it doesn’t make you a bad person to not be able to either.
People care what you do with your free time because chemistry will only take up some of it. Part of using a dating app is imagining yourself with the person and forming an opinion. Can I see myself with a skydiver? What about a gamer? What about a woodworker (jk, the mustache would tickle too much)?
What do you think qualifies as a hobby?
I don't even care if don't "get to pick" -- I'm just tired of being completely passed on by the entire human race for anything from a real relationship to a fling or FWB or whatever, because of stupid bullshit like not having an interesting dating profile because no life.
I don't know, it's shit that will impress or intrigue somebody apparently.
Hobbies are things that intrigue and impress people and the more you intrigue and impress people the more of a hobbyist you are.
Hobbies are what you do in your free time and people want to know what you do in your free time because they might not want to be stuck playing pickleball or going line dancing with you.
I’m sorry you feel like your hobbies are inferior. They’re not and they might not be what you want to do but just what you can do.
What would you do in your free time if you could?
I understand how you feel, really. Dating apps are horrible and the commodification of romance is hurting everyone.
Yeah, fair enough. I just don't have the money or the ability to get around (a car) to really do much of anything, no friends or even family members to do anything with, etc. So I (1) go to the gym (like 3 times a week since February), (2) go for random walks around my boring suburb-like neighborhood or to the grocery store, and (3) spend a hell of a lot of time on the computer, mostly chatting on discord, on websites like hexbear, or playing video games.
I also engage in computer programming as a hobby. Unfortunately (a) I don't really have any real projects to show off, and (b) it is extremely unlikely that I will be found more desirable on a dating site for talking about computer programming or listing it as a hobby. Might even work against me.
Other than that, I can't really think of a consistent "hobby" that I have. So I wouldn't be dragging anyone to do things since I can't drive anyways.
Thank you. But it's already been made clear to me that the way I spend my time is inferior and too boring for dating apps. lol
You know, I have no idea. I think I would have to actually spend some time living not in "survival mode" to have any idea about that. It's hard to know what you'd do if you weren't so full of anxiety time and had to constantly worry about how you'll pay your bills and eat every month and just focus on keeping your head down.
But mostly I just want to chill doing the things I normally do, maybe learn to cook tasty things if I had my own place, and could desperately use a girlfriend or even a FWB or something idc.
Thanks for being sympathetic :) I just wish this nightmare world would end already.
you’re not gonna be found less attractive for saying you program computers. This isn’t the 80s.
ok but it's probably not going to land me any dates was my point
There’s a whole contingent of internet culture people and what used to be without shame referred to as nerd culture people.
yeah, I guess. I still think I've got too many strikes against me to ever even get a date though.