There’s no other way to read this besides “I think you are a horrible person so I need protection on our public date, why am I going on a date with a horrible person? I wanted dinner”

There absolutely is another way to read it and it's: "there are lots of horrible people and I wanted to make sure you're not one of them".

I guess you reacting to this post in that way puts you bang in the middle of one of those two categories...

[–] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

What are you on about?

I just don't think it's healthy to assume every man is a psycho and then make them prove otherwise, especially if you want to try dating them.

Luckily, I'm a married lesbian so i don't have to deal with this stupid shit.

[–] Alaknar@sopuli.xyz 2 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I just don’t think it’s healthy to assume every man is a psycho and then make them prove otherwise, especially if you want to try dating them

It's a bit difficult to determine just from online interactions, don't you think?

"Dating" doesn't mean what it used to mean. These days "dating" means "I swiped right, we talked for an hour or two and now we're meeting for the first time".

As long as the other person is upfront about it, I wouldn't be weirded out if they brought a friend to feel better, honestly, no fucking clue who would have an issue with that. Because it's not about "all men", it's about "I'm meeting a stranger".

If you're the person who sees that situation as an attack, you're better off leaving the other party alone.

[–] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

Nah it's better if people who want to date act like adults.

There are some men who don't mind being profiled, but being treated like a predator by default in a safe setting is insulting.

[–] HarneyToker@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

I mean, that’s sure one way. I have never used a dating app, been on plenty of dates, and am in my 20’s.

[–] theneverfox@pawb.social -2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I don't know about you, but when someone even implies I might be a terrible person I get extremely offended

[–] Alaknar@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Yeah, I don't, because I have enough empathy and intelligence to realise that people who don't know me... well, don't know me - and there absolutely are dangerous people out there.

In short: pull your head out of your arse, it's not about you.

[–] theneverfox@pawb.social 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Sure, the danger is real and that people need to protect themselves

It's also incredibly offensive to do it directly.

The polite thing to do is make being safe a matter of course. It's very normal to meet in public, it's normal to do checkup texts, it's fine to do a group activity if it's a group activity. We've spent decades normalizing subtle ways to do this

There's a degree of social hygiene necessary, or society falls apart.

[–] Alaknar@sopuli.xyz 0 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It’s also incredibly offensive to do it directly.

Only if you're incredibly insecure about yourself.

The polite thing to do (...)

Overall - I agree, to certain degree. In my opinion, however, society is already "falling apart" due to how social media trains younger people for immediate gratification, everything is fast. Dating is also fast, and people don't want to "waste time" on "incompatible people".

Dating these days is "let's have a date and see what happens", not "let's get to know each other and see if we want to date".

Also, lots of people are pretty lonely, so "group activity" is not possible for them.

[–] theneverfox@pawb.social 1 points 2 days ago

Only if you're incredibly insecure about yourself.

Bullshit. This is hardwired into our brains. False accusations hurt, but only when you can't imagine yourself doing what you're accused of.

If someone doesn't bristle at being treated like a wild animal, that's a huge red flag. They're not confident, either they're manipulative or they could see themselves warranting the protection. They're probably not an immediate threat, but that is what a future abuser looks like

And what good is having a friend next to you as opposed to nearby? That's not safer... What, do you think they're going to grab someone out of the coffee shop and run?

There's lots of normal reasons to have someone you know nearby. You can get dropped off and picked up, have a friend in the area doing things. If you have bad vibes, stay in the damn coffee shop and have your friend come in and get a drink.

You can go somewhere you know a worker. You can get to know a place and spend time with the staff so you have a safe ground.

I've had someone introduce me to their co-workers before walking to a cafe a few doors down, that was a positive experience, because it was very friendly and I could feel I just passed a bunch of vibe checks... I didn't even consider that there was a handful of people who saw my face and had eyes on the car I drove up in nearby until much later

That's about as safe as you could ever be, and it wasn't offensive at all, because it was natural and affirmative. It feels good when people notice I'm a good person, and I think having a community is cool.

At the end of the day, no one is ever truly safe, but having community around is how you make yourself safer.

And I really do mean the manipulator thing, if someone doesn't react at all to an implication like that, that's a red flag... Honest people get angry at accusations, guilty ones get calm, manipulators use that information