This was supposed to be a post shitting on bad dads but I guess this is just another aspect of life that I got shit luck on and most people don’t hate their father.

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[–] Ericthescruffy@hexbear.net 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My dad passed away about 10 years ago due to complications from a long term chronic illness. I've had to do a lot of unpacking and work in that time especially following my own divorce. A pretty common trend you see among kids who have had parents that needed the kind of long term care and medical impact my dad had is it's not really until after they pass that you can sort of separate them as a person from the disease and the impact it had on your lives. We also have some weird overlaps with children of narcissistic parenting because we usually wind up not having all our needs met growing up. Lots of codependency issues.

Tldr; I had a great dad and I love and miss him, for all his failings. Honestly: just imagine if Hank Hill was a marine turned chef and you can kinda get the picture. Simple man who couldn't even understand me half the time but loved me unconditionally every second we were together even while he was trying to keep his own shit together.

[–] rufuscrispo@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago

Thank you for posting this. Two years after my mom died from a long-term illness, my dad died unexpectedly when I was in my 20s. We never really connected well and she was our go-between, but now she was gone. Then one morning we were making breakfast together while I was home on a visit, and he just says out of the blue, "I couldn't get through this without you. Not everyone is lucky to be close to their children."

So, boom--it all clicked in place: his own dad was a real piece of shit and he was doing the best he could without any roadmap to follow other than a very painful example of what NOT to do. Honestly, I should have figured it out earlier but when you're a kid you overestimate how much adults are doing things because they "want to be this way" over not knowing any better. I miss him.