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submitted 1 year ago by MicroWave@lemmy.world to c/news@lemmy.world

Former President Donald Trump is expected to surrender himself to the Fulton County jail at the end of next week – on Thursday or Friday, a senior law enforcement official with knowledge of the surrender told CNN.

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[-] CatZoomies@lemmy.world 29 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Trump:

Look I've consulted with our medical doctors, and they're going to check it, and these doctors, they're the best in the business you know? Huuuuuge. Hugest doctors that have ever doctored, best we've ever seen. Ever. And these are good doctors with tremendous skills. They've been studying this new thing that - and I'm not sure if you have heard of this as it's groundbreaking, tremendous stuff, this knowledge that we have. But they've been talking to this Theranos doctor. At least I think she's a doctor, she has this doctor team and I think she has the knowledge of a doctor. So anyway this doctor has a huge voice, deepest I've ever heard, the kind of voice that gets things done. And so I says to this doctor, supposing you brought this Theranos inside the body. Which you can do, either through the skin or in some other way, and she says she can't bring Theranos into the body because it's a huge building or whatever because I wasn't really listening to the details, but she has some things she's gonna test. And this Theranos stuff she does with her other doctors, it's the best stuff to help stop prison you know? And she says, she's done something similar in order to keep out of prison, something she researched with her team to bring a baby inside the body to stay out of prison. Supposing that could happen for me, or for anyone who doesn't want prison, you know? Are we gonna look into that, if I can bring a baby inside my body? She says she's gonna test that too. Sounds interesting. And then I see conspiracy and Truth, my version of truth, the best there ever was, and I heard that it knocks out things like prison in a minute. One minute, it's crazy! Absolutely crazy. Is there a way we can do something llike that? Supposing we can inject truth inside the body, by injection or almost like a cleaning? To keep me out of prison. And she says we're gonna look into that, too. And these aren't rumors you know, this is the real stuff right here. Maybe you can, maybe you can't? And again I say maybe you can, maybe you can't because I'm not a doctor. But I'm like a person who has a good... uh, you know what. I think it's a great thing to look at. And look, I'm the former president and you guys are fake news.

All right, you convinced me, I'm putting "Trump pregnant" on my 2024 bingo card.

[-] shifted_drifter@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

This is great. Feels kinda like chat GPT wrote it but even if that's the case it's hilarious

[-] CatZoomies@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Here was my inspiration for writing that:

Trump floats dangerous coronavirus treatment ideas as Dr Birx looks on (Duration: 1:58 minutes):

this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2023
734 points (96.8% liked)

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