this post was submitted on 15 Aug 2023
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This was a concern we had when we were discussing how to handle pronouns, and it's the reason that we decided not to have a custom field option. Instead, our policy is that we'll add pronouns if someone requests them and they seem to be acting in good faith. We have a couple strange ones like doe/deer, but that's because a longtime user used them and requested them, and doe never showed any signs that doe was a troll.
What the other user said was part of our reasoning for adopting them. On the cases where we've had trolls come in and use them, they tend to go mask off pretty quickly and get banned, and we don't really care if they think their owning us somehow.
If you mean people use neopronouns to make people who hate neopronouns mad, I mean I don't know how to distinguish unless you're a mind reader but honestly who cares. You can use whatever neopronouns you want for whatever reason you want, unless it's mocking trans people.
Honestly, if I were in charge, I would've had a custom field. I just don't like the sound of needing to have one's pronouns approved.
Fair enough, but it's just a formality and idk of anyone ever being denied. We just do it that way to prevent trolls from putting helicopter jokes in there because we hate when the trolls are boring.
Also just well meaning people using the tags for something else, too. The pronouns are there for addressing people politely, not jokes or statements or symbols.
Wouldn't the solution then is to just ban the trolls, not moderate pronouns? If there's going to be trolls, letting them be visible would make them easier to identify and ban, no?
That would also be a reasonable approach, sure. Maybe it'd be better. But our approach hasn't caused any problems as far as I'm aware, I've never seen anyone say that we didn't have the pronouns they wanted, and I'm confident that if they did the mods would add the option for them, like what happened with doe/deer. We were just concerned about opening up an avenue of misuse, and it's very rare that someone uses pronouns not on the list so it's easy for the mods to accommodate when it happens.
:::spoiler Here's the list fyi
at the time the decision was made, the site hadn't yet taken a zero tolerance policy about transphobia - this was 3 years ago. so we weren't sure the bans would actually happen. a few months later, the fact that pronoun tags were mandatory got relitigated so often that trans users started leaving, including one of the admins of the site. they convinced her to stay and had a come to jesus moment and they immediately took a hardline stance against bigotry. the decision not to put in an open field was never relitigated because it was such a tumultuous time for the community - for the longest time, no one wanted to reopen those wounds.
I should also say that since then hexbear has become the most trans-supportive space, that's not exclusively for trans people, that I've ever been in. and the fact that pronoun tags makes every reactionary froth at the mouth has been a boon for making sure reactionaries can't hide amongst the userbase for very long before they out themselves involuntarily.
it's because of the edgier humor on the site amd the constant influx of right wing trolls. we'd all prefer an open field but it would get abused more often than it would get used for it's intended purpose. or at least, that was true at the time. banning all the "dae pronouns are bad" reactionaries from the userbase might make it something worth revisiting.