psycotica0

I literally had a sheet of paper with me that I'd update as things were revealed, showing the relationships between people. It ended up looking like a conspiracy board. And for some people that probably sounds like homework, but for me it felt like I was exploring a ruin or something and was making a map of my discoveries. It made me more of a participant in the show, like I was actively watching for clues, rather than passively letting it wash over me.

It worked for me at the time.

It is imperative that the tree not be harmed.

I'm a native English speaker, and still every time I write something I read it back and expand every "it's" into "it is" or "it has" in my head, just to make sure. And replace every "its" with "his" or "hers".

It's even worse with on screen keyboards, because sometimes even if I typed it right, the autocorrect will "fix it", so I have to reread.

Wait wait wait, you're telling me all the money that was gained not fixing problems was short-sighted? You're telling me there's downsides?

Why haven't people been talking about this for 20 years!!!

Great comment! Just wanted to pop in as a straight guy and second that it's very helpful when a partner has things they know they like and can communicate what's working, what's not, and what could be better.

But... teen boys kinda suck, and honestly some guys never grow out of it. Remember that they're nervous and uncertain too, and sometimes that fragile state can receive a suggestion as "telling them what to do", and can trigger a pride response. It's not pretty, but it's not uncommon.

I'm not telling you to lie to them, but sometimes phrasing something as "mmm that's good. More to the left. Yeah that" can feel more collaborative, like we're playing on the same team, than simple "do it on the left" or something that sounds more like a cold command. That can sometimes be received as "you suck, you're fucking this up, just do it right".

Other potential avenues are "unh that feels so good, ooh let's try X!" or "hmm... I wonder if X would be good!" to change directions or "okay... wow, you're going to need to give that a minute" to have them stop something without it necessarily feeling like a stop stop. Obviously if you need a quick stop, you can just say stop.

Or if it fits the mood, even just asking "please go faster", "please pinch my nipples", etc can be fun, because it makes it a request he fulfills rather than an order he obeys.

In the end, he probably wants to be good at this, so communicating not just the problem, but emphasizing the success can also be important. "Slower, slower, slower... yes that, oh fuck that, now side to side, oh shit shit shit"

This not only corrects the bad behaviour, but rewards and reinforces the right thing when we get there. And again, it makes them feel like they're doing well, like they're giving you something you like, and that we're aligned and working together on this project.

Oh and also that having been said don't be too rigid either. You know some things that feel good for you on your own, but some things feel better when someone else does them. And some things take a bit to warm up. And some things are maybe a bit intense at the start, but just right towards the end, whereas some things are good early on and boring later. Hold firm boundaries on the things that are most important, but other than that give him a chance to try some stuff! If it doesn't work, you can nudge, but it helps him feel like he's also part of this and not just a sex robot.

Unless he's into that... 😉

This is a absolutely true but I think it's important to note given the context that there's a wide gap between "not orgasming" and the pain OP was describing. 80% of women not orgasming from vaginal penetration alone does not equal 80% of women experience pain from sex instead.

Also, many women enjoy vaginal penetration as a fun and pleasurable experience, even if it's not an experience that leads to orgasm on its own.

I'm sure the person I'm replying to knows this, but given that this post is about a confused and frustrated person, I don't want them to see this 80% statistic and think the takeaway is "sex is bad for 80% of women"

He just lost more money than I ever have in my whole life put together! What a loser!!! 😛

I think this is also why there's more "criminality" in opressed communities. Why would I work or sacrifice to uphold a system that is unfair to me? If I don't believe in it, if I don't see benefit from it, why should I attach my own ethics to it?

I didn't downvote the other person... but isn't it kind of a disagree button? What are the buttons for, if not to vote up the things you like, down the things you don't, and thus float the "best" to the top?

I guess one can respectfully disagree, given that we're kinda debating philosophy, or one can structurally disagree, and maybe those result in different kinds of voting behaviour.

Yes, but, the scary part is that they don't think they're doing that! They've looked into the Tome of Ambiguous Stories and come out of it with whichever outcomes fit their fancy, but whichever Rorschach Lesson they learn, it carries with it the seal of Word of God.

So they can read the book (or have it read to them), come to a conclusion that vibes right, and then believe they were told that lesson by an infallible, ineffable, authority figure. One who can't refute their claimed charge.

Not a great position to debate from.

I mean, even with the pool, we're laughing at it, but what we're actually talking about is the corrupt bullshit that lead to here. People were already grumpy about the way it was being renovated and who was renovating it before it turned green. It's just kinda funny that even after pulling that bullshit, the outcome was terrible. But the government corruption is the actually story.

Sometimes even worse, which is to collect a raft of data testing one hypothesis, and then realize it all came up empty, and so go looking for any data you can form a new hypothesis from that matches the data you already have.