Your suggested changes completely change the tone of, and remove the personality from, the sentence you're suggesting changes to.
He also does nothing wrong with his use of subordinate clauses, here or throughout the article.
I'm inclined to say that the English department head in UIC (University of Illinois Chicago, Google thinks?) understands subordinate clauses much better than you or I. I only have a bachelor in English and teach at the high school level, so I'd default to assuming he knows better than I. Though I agree with his use of language, so that's kind of a moot point.
It's aside the author's point, but this note is killing me.
Okay, so where's all the discourse about Trump keeping a copy of Mein Kampf on his nightstand, Times? If reading Foucault gives you an "alienated world view," and you take issue with Mamdani engaging with "African studies," the fuck does that make Hitler-loving Trump?
I know, I know, the double standard is the point, and the goal was never to make an honest argument but... Come on! grumble grumble