Apathy can be a sign of depression, even if you don’t have feelings of wanting to commit self-harm. Given the general state of the world right now, it’s probably not entirely odd to be feeling that, but you may want to look at what else is going on with your personal life. If you feel like you’re stuck in a rut, are in a downward spiral, or just generally stagnating, you may want to look at breaking from your normal routine or trying to connect with others. While you may not necessarily need to get professional help ($$$), opening up to others about it can be beneficial, and not just random strangers on the internet, with actual real-world people. Even just getting out of your comfort zone and trying some new and unexpected activity can help change your perspective.

I'm nihilistic so keep that bias in mind with the rest of this:

Life is a beautiful nightmare. Death is inevitable and worrying about it does nothing positive for you. Enjoy the peace of mind that comes with accepting death before it comes 👍

Apathetic towards death, I imagine.

I would say yes, but full disclaimer I think therapy is preventative medicine; so, everybody should. I would suggest asking if you find it concerning or not. if you find it concerning, you probably should consider counseling or something. but if you're just like "meh. whatever. C'est la vie." not really.

It could be passive suicidal ideation.

But a therapist would be a better resource than some guy on the internet.

Nah, we all come to terms with our mortality in our own ways. It doesn't always stay the same, just to warn you, but reaching a point of accepting death as part of existence is not a problem.

Now, you may or may not also have some issue influencing this, but there's no way to know that from here.

Death ambivalence? I feel like I've seen that term floated somewhere.

Sounds like good old classic depression, especially if you have stressors in your life.

Yeah, talk to someone. If you feel better, there you go. There's tons of free crisis hotlines you can call up just to talk.

Talking's great anyway, even if you aren't depressed.

https://findahelpline.com

And apparently you can text 741741 the word home and they have a text helpline.

Would you say you'd feel relief in this scenario?

That's the thing though. If you died, there'd be no waking up next morning, no entity expressing in some ethereal definitely not human language, "Oh hey, you died last night."

It's like that scene towards the end of Bojack Horseman, where he's hallucinating a grand finale as his brain starts to die as he slowly drowns to death. He sees the ghost of his best friend being slowly consumed by a black oil like liquid coming from a door that is just filled with shadow, nothingness.

As the liquid consumes his friend, Bojack resigns himself to his fate, accepting his death and says, "Well...I'll see you on the other side." To which his friend responds somberly as his face begins to be enveloped by the oozing black liquid, "Oh Bojack, no...there is no other side...this is it."

The aforementioned scene

The remaining sequence shows that Bojack truly is afraid of the possibility of nonbeing, of there being no life or experiences after death. As he runs away from the oozing black liquid. He runs through scenes of his memories as they are consumed by the liquid...until eventually...he's just...gone.

There's more to the scene than that, but the apathy one can have towards their own death is imho just another way your brain copes with it. You imagine it being like sleep, or a dream, or waking up to some new reality, when in fact your brain can't fathom what it's like to die because it can't fathom not existing. Not really.

I mean, is there endless shadow or endless light after death? Are not shadow and light interpretations of the experience of physical phenomenon? What makes you think that those phenomenon exists after death and even if they do, what makes you think it is perceivable in a similar fashion. Is there even a you to perceive it?

I often find myself comforting myself at the thought of my own demise in a similar manner to what you describe, but ultimately I know I'm going to be scared to die when it actually is staring me in the face. It's natural to fear the absolutely completely unknown.

I try and tell myself I'll be otherwise. That death is possibly an exciting new adventure. But actually, my biggest fear is that we all died a long time ago and just aren't aware of it, and that the only thing that is eternal is our own bearing witness to a never ending decay of our sense of self, and a never ending decent into madness.

Anywho, enjoy your supposed ambivalence towards your own demise.

Learned helplessness, possibly.

I was like that until a DMT flash which I don't even remember, about a decade ago. I was shown unconditional love for the first time and it completely changed my life. I was in therapy for about 5 years before this, and it wasn't until this experience that I started understanding and putting those lessons learned from therapy into practice.

Ego death? Psychedelics can be therapeutic for those with terminal illnesses.