this post was submitted on 15 Sep 2026

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Mental Health

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149

Observe the emotions (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 day ago by dangling_cat@piefed.blahaj.zone to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world

19 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Crossposted from https://lemmy.world/post/51921184

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[–] ALoafOfBread@lemmy.ml 21 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (1 children)

I've found that Buddhism has useful stuff to say about this. You can't control the thing that made you feel the negative emotion. But you can work to accept your negative emotions and be more at peace with them and suffer less. That in turn helps you act in a ways that cause less suffering for yourself and others. That helps to reduce the things causing you to suffer, and so on.

This is most of what therapists who lean on "mindfulness" are trying to capture, though I think that "mindfulness" out of the context of Buddhist ethics and philosophy is really just not as impactful. I heard it from several therapists, but it never really clicked until I started reading Buddhist stuff. I can't call myself a Buddhist, I don't believe in the metaphysics, but studying and practicing Buddhism from a secular perspective has been helpful to me. It's usually very simple concepts, but it is more impactful to me in the ways it's phrased by various Buddhist thinkers and is easier to implement.

It has a lot in common with Stoicism, but gives more tools for dealing with suffering. The ancient Greeks and the Buddhists were actually in contact and influenced each other's philosophies.

[–] daychilde@lemmy.world 2 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

I hate religion, generally speaking, but I will say:

All religions have a few good ideas, but Buddhists do seem to have more than their fair share - in the theory department, at least
Sikhs seem to generally be pretty damn great people overall, like if Christians acted like Sikhs, I'd be a lot happier with them

Definitely a few good points to religion. It's a pity there's so much crap for so many of them.

[–] FuyuhikoDate@feddit.org 2 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago) (1 children)

A friend of mine once told me:

You dont hate religgion, you hate religious institutions, which is a huge difference.

And I think about It every day because I was raised religious and a lot of hate to it comes from that.

[–] daychilde@lemmy.world 2 points 2 hours ago

Fundie Southern Baptist as a kid, and yep. Your words from your friend are wise and I appreciate them, so don't take the following as disagreement per se: For me, it's more about what the people do with the religion than the religion itself on hating religion.

That said, I'm open to good ideas. Hell, a large part of my philosophy comes from the Discworld novels by Sir Terry Pratchett. Although if you think about it, as an atheist, I see that as no more nor no less divinely inspired than any religious work. hehehe

Also, really, all I hate is the part where they use it to do bad things harming people. I hate things tha harm people, generally. So I feel it's not unjustified hate - nor blind hate.

But even while I had a comeback for you here, it is still worth a reminder (that I appreciate) to look for the good wherever it may be :)

[–] ALoafOfBread@lemmy.ml 7 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Totally agreed. I take some issue with the way Buddhism is practiced in various organized settings. But, when looking at the writings of the Buddha himself and of select Buddhist thinkers (Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddhadasa Bhikku, Walpola Rahula, and others) who tend to de-emphasize ritual and focus on the core spiritual practice, ethics, and meditation, it is hard to find fault.

One thing that resonated with me was something Buddha reportedly said to a noble who asked him about converting. Sort of like the Buddhist version of Pascal's wager. He said he didn't know whether Buddha was correct, particularly about rebirth, etc. Buddha told him that if his teachings are correct and he follows the eightfold path, then he'll achieve Nirvana. If his teachings are wrong and he follows the eightfold path, he will have lived a blameless life, will be at peace, and will do no harm to others.

I don't think the teachings on rebirth are right, but I like the sound of that second part pretty well.

[–] daychilde@lemmy.world 5 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

I feel like it sort of matches some general feelings I have on the matter.

As a strong atheist, I firmly believe this life is all we get. So what do we do with this life? Hopefully a balance of enjoying life and making others' lives better.

Things are pretty shit for me in some ways - seven heart attacks, kidney failure so I'm on dialysis, below-knee amputation, I'm now a wheelchair user. Can't do a lot of things I used to. But it doesn't mean I can't make the best of it. I've learned more simple pleasures in life: Making someone laugh and brightening their day just a little. That's valuable and makes life worth living.

I still have so far to go to get where I want to be. For example, I'm still incredibly susceptible to "Someone on the internet is WRONG!" lol. That's a hard one to overcome.

But I think there are some great little principles to live by: Try not to harm others (or yourself); try to make the world a better place to the extent that you can; but also, relax, enjoy life as best as you can. Find joy in simple pleasures.

After growing up a fundie Southern Baptist and recovering… I've less patience for fundies than many others. heh. My attitute toward the Christian God these days is basically: If, after I die, turns out that's the god that exists, and I have to face him and explain why I didn't worship him....... I'll be terrified,of course, but do my best to say: You weren't around. You allowed children to die painful deaths. You created evil. Fuck you. If that's the god in control, fuck that god. heh

Which is not to say I can't get along with Christians. My dad - a pastor's son at that - is very very very laid back and accepting. If I grew up with his brand of Christianity, I could live with that. heh

[–] ALoafOfBread@lemmy.ml 5 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago) (1 children)

Hell yeah. Sounds like you have a great attitude, but I'm sorry you've gone through all that. I also have very little patience for people who preach hatred and cause harm to others - but I'm working on it insofar as it's constructive to do so.

There's a very fine line to walk, I think, between peacefulness while not being passive and assertiveness while not doing harm. I think there is some real truth to killing them with kindness.

I have some fundamental metaphysical disagreements about the nature of reality with religious folks of all stripes, but at the end of the day - while that does concern me - as long as they're good to others, I have grown out of being too upset about it. I made a fool of myself when I was younger trying to prove people wrong for the sake of it, but I'm ashamed of that now.

[–] daychilde@lemmy.world 1 points 18 hours ago

Well, there is also the principle of the intolerance of intolerance. I can respect your beliefs... until you try and dictate my beliefs or actions based on them. heh. But more importantly, I tolerate most people, but I cannot abide bigotry. "Very little patience" indeed. :)

I waffle on trying to convince others. Obviously not in supernatural debates much anymore, but certainly in politics and matters of acceptance and tolerance, where it might make a difference.

But to sloppily pick and choose where I draw from your reply - there is truly a fine line on being useful and helpful and just masturbating hatred into the text box and telling them what I REALLY think of them. lol.

I try to err on the side of what they say about Keanu Reeves who supposedly embodies the spirit of Laid Backness - if he disagrees with someone, he won't argue, just say, "You're right" and move on. lol. That is a level of zen to which I aspire. :)

[–] Cybersec@piefed.social 3 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Good luck with those challenges

[–] daychilde@lemmy.world 1 points 18 hours ago

Thanks <3 One day at a time, just like you, like everyone else, my friend <3

[–] Antares@fedinsfw.app 4 points 19 hours ago

Emotions happen to you, they are what you experience, they are not your self.

Like being in a rain storm.

[–] daychilde@lemmy.world 5 points 20 hours ago

Wrong. Is it YOUR FAULT I'm having [emotion] and FUCK YOU.

;-)

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 2 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (2 children)

Is this a CBT concept? I always hated CBT. It felt so invalidating.

No. You can be upset and it can be incredibly painful without it being a maladaptive response. For example...not getting the job you applied for, being bullied, being rejected by your crush, a death in the family, etc.

I prefer DBT's approach at integrating both logic AND emotions.

[–] FuyuhikoDate@feddit.org 1 points 9 hours ago

I am happy that i went to the cross post because now I know that you dont talk about cock/ball torture....

[–] festus@lemmy.ca 3 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

I only briefly did CBT, but I thought it was more about controlling your behaviour so you don't spiral. I.e. your partner left a dirty dish out. You can feel annoyed (can't help that) but maybe don't have a tantrum like you did last time and turn it into a whole conflict.

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 2 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

DBT also very much addresses behaviors. It's in the name still after all haha. Both CBT and DBT are "behavioral" therapies. But imo it does it in a far less invalidating and far more reasonable and compassionate way. I used to try to "logic" everything away to an extreme degree...it was so counterproductive that it exacerbated the opposite...extreme emotional instability. Once DBT taught more on how to actually integrate the feelings, it felt a lot better. Your emotions are so incredibly important and what makes you human.

[–] Zarobi@aussie.zone 0 points 15 hours ago

I tend to find that "maladaptive responses" are usually caused by repressing yourself, or incorrect restrictions on your own thoughts and activities.

For example, using your example, if you are the only one who does any of the cleaning and you feel like an unappreciated slave, and talking about it multiple times didn't change anything; the actual solution is to break up. But sometimes we do this thing where we "rule out" certain courses of action as "impossible". We can't possibly break up because x, y, z… etc. So with no other courses of action available, you start an argument about it and be passive aggressive as a pressure release valve, because it's now completely impossible to solve this problem since you ruled out the only solution.

It often takes an outside perspective or deep introspection to change our views.

[–] WappleFF27@feddit.online 2 points 23 hours ago

If the people who need to see this could read they'd be very upset!

[–] HalfSalesman@lemmy.world -2 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago)

Emotions are what drive us to do anything. All of our actions are response to emotion. Whether the actions are "maladaptive" is ultimately subjective.