Clamp your hams
this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2026
451 points (95.9% liked)
Dad Jokes
24706 readers
202 users here now
Description
This is a community for sharing those cheesy “dad” jokes that invoke an eye roll or chuckle.
Rules
- Clean jokes only please. If you cannot tell this joke to a 5-year-old and they can understand, you probably shouldn’t post it here. Please post edgier jokes to: !unclejokes@lemmy.world
- Adult topics with which to be cautious or avoided: drugs, sex, death, racism.
- Must post text, image (e.g., meme), or direct link. Do not post external links that cannot be viewed directly from the community (e.g., link to joke website, Facebook, Instagram, etc.)
- Follow Lemmy.World Code of Conduct
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
The last few posts like this that have been made, the comments were filled with people who didn't get it. I'm getting ahead of that 😤
How dare you help provide context instead of mocking people who don't get it. This is the internet, non-gender-specific-sir.
Just not a good one.
Barely
crank ur hog
I CRANKED MY HOG MULTIPLE TIMES TODAY BROTHER, BUT I STILL GOT MORE! ARRROOO
I CAN'T HEAR YOU, BROTHER! AROOOO!!!
I TRIED TO DO WHAT IT SHOWED IN THE PICTURE BROTHER BUT NOW IM IN THE HOSPITAL WITH A VICE GRIPS LATCHED ONTO MY SWIM SUIT AREA.
AUNT GRETA ISNT GOING TO LIKE THIS ONE
AROOOOOOO
AWOOOOOOGA
AH ROOO
squeeze your meat
I tend to do that when I'm sad
Compress your pork
Easy there, this is a family friendly comm.
Vice your gammon…?
And you call them clamped hams despite the fact that they are obviously plated.
tvinga din kassler?
Kan du va själv!
Pinch your polska
Last time someone pinched polska they got bombed by the British
Not because of that.
If you’ll all excuse me I’m gonna go “clamp my ham” if you get what I’m sayin… winks knowingly
Dick in a vice?
... in a box. In a tote bag, filled with sauce!
DickoTown!
Squeezy your charcuterie
Screw a ham?
"Clamp your hams" is my guess.
..put your clamped meat loaf slice on a plate with Mediterranean design.
Perfectly rhymed
Clasp your Ham
're
Secure your gammon
ハムを治まる?