this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2026
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[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 35 points 5 days ago (3 children)

"Jesus take the wheel!"

I don't think he even has a driving licence.

[–] Someonelol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Got it revoked for DUI probably. His BAC is the same as wine.

[–] Kenny2999@lemmy.world 5 points 4 days ago (2 children)

If he drove his car into a lake, would it float or would he just burst thru the roof like a bond villain?

[–] Untamed_Star@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

talking about that, how didn't he fall walking in the water, weren't there little waves and all that?

[–] Kenny2999@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

Maybe he was also a surfer dude, I mean that gnarly hair and lack of job..

car would crash into the lake

[–] Spezi@feddit.org 5 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] doomchapel666@lemmy.zip 1 points 4 days ago (1 children)

hell yeah jesus now make my gas infinite too

[–] Spezi@feddit.org 1 points 4 days ago

gives you lactose intolerance and turns your gastric juice into milk

[–] yogurtwrong@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Of course he has a drivers licence, he drove a Honda Accord

1000001502

[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 0 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

If I had one of them I wouldn't speak of it either.

Edit: Oof. We've got some Accord owners in the audience. Just riffin', kids.

[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world 18 points 5 days ago (1 children)

They shouldn't wear seatbelts

Let them put their faith to the test

[–] Tzayad@lemmy.world 19 points 5 days ago (4 children)

On a serious note.

I knew a woman who would not wear a seatbelt, her reasoning? If she wore one, it would signal to god that she didn't trust him.

I saw a video where daughters were arguing with their mother about turning the car off while it was being fueled. She refused to because "do you not trust Jesus? If we die, it is God's will. I trust him and will not interfere". Dangerous morons.

[–] cmbabul@slrpnk.net 4 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Did… did you know my mom? She’s literally bitched my entire life about how she shouldn’t have to wear one if she doesn’t want to and that if she died in an accident she would “go on to glory”, it took my baby brother balling his eyes out that he didn’t want her to die to get her to do it. I still have doubts that she wears one if she’s in the car by herself. For context I’m now in my 40s

[–] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 4 points 4 days ago

Damn, literal death cult.

[–] Beangut@lemmy.world 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

That's cool, did you use 'knew' as in before she flew out a windscreen?

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 2 points 4 days ago

does she believe in airbags.

[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago

There's stupid, then there's religious stupid...

[–] s@piefed.world 12 points 4 days ago

Yeah but compare their driving record to atheists’ driving record. How often do you see nothing sitting by the side of the road?

[–] ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org 14 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I know it's a meme but... victims of car crashes are not just bad drivers

[–] i_ben_fine@midwest.social 1 points 4 days ago

atheists keep running christians off the road!

there we go, back in meme town

[–] seathru@quokk.au 11 points 5 days ago

Yes. I've been on motorcycles the better part of my life and I give any vehicles with religious stickers a wide berth.

College alumni stickers are also an excellent bad driver indicator.

Atheist: shit, I'm sliding out! Better get this under control.

Christian: Jesus, take the wheel!

[–] alapakala@quokk.au 10 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Blame the vehicle industry.
A good Christian rides camels, horses, and multiple wifes.

[–] LodeMike@lemmy.today 2 points 5 days ago (2 children)
[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago (1 children)

How would a centaur wear pants

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago (2 children)

You want Leah to wear clothes?

[–] SuperNovaStar@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 0 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Correct. Although she'll always be second choice for me. Unfortunately the best partner in pelican town is with the only person there who's more autistic than me.

[–] SuperNovaStar@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Ah, if only there were some poly people in pelican town 😥

There are a bunch of them. Thanks to my rabbit foot, they are blissfully unaware that they're poly though. Anyway I refuse to share robin with Demetrius. The man's controlling, annoying, boring and frightfully pedantic. Robin can do better. Actually wile I'm at it I'm going to save Marnie from a life of being hidden away like she's something to be ashamed of. Fuck you Lewis! Her life's hard enough without you treating her like shit! Me, Marnie, Robin, and Leah getting trashed on ancient fruit wine in my barn during the week and doing peyote with Sandy on the weekend.

[–] dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

If i have to wear pants then everyone should suffer with me

[–] alapakala@quokk.au 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

حَرِيمٌ
monogamy is a recent western sabotage propaganda.

[–] LodeMike@lemmy.today 1 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I know what a harem is. I was just making a joke about riding wives like animals vs sexually.

[–] alapakala@quokk.au 1 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

yes
Awareness ≢ endorsement.
I love consentual poly{gamy,eros} & promiscuity.
I am incompatibility with such an objectifying grooming dominant religion.
Free all✊🏿

[–] BurgerBaron@quokk.au 6 points 4 days ago (1 children)

According to the county I live in, if you graffiti a highway train bridge with images of Jesus it's fine for a decade to leave that up until someone adds little red devil horns, then it gets painted over within a week.

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 4 points 4 days ago

That's why if the city won't fix the pothole, you should spray paint a dick on it.

[–] LORDSMEGMA@sh.itjust.works 4 points 4 days ago

Well, cars weren't around in Jesus' time. No idea why they keep asking him to drive

[–] CPMSP@midwest.social 5 points 5 days ago

It's the perfect religion for being an utter psychopath.

No matter what, you're forgiven if you believe some Palestinian dude a couple thousand years ago is the only son of a supreme deity.

It's such a dovetail with capitalism it's criminal; be horrible, go to the good afterlife anyway‽

[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 5 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

as a kid used to get in competitions on who would spot more of these crosses during road trips, we got lots of mountain serpentines, thus many of these near cliffs

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social -2 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

... Kinda crazy that a community so dedicated to woke scolding only has one comment that plenty of those are for victims.

[–] astropenguin5@lemmy.world 4 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I may be too hopeful but I assume it's cuz everyone is smart enough to understand the joke and that it's not actually making fun of the victims

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social -2 points 4 days ago

Sure bro, that's why everyone else is competing to be as cruel and bigoted as they can.