this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2026
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[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 35 points 1 month ago (3 children)

"Jesus take the wheel!"

I don't think he even has a driving licence.

[–] Someonelol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Got it revoked for DUI probably. His BAC is the same as wine.

[–] Kenny2999@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

If he drove his car into a lake, would it float or would he just burst thru the roof like a bond villain?

[–] Untamed_Star@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

talking about that, how didn't he fall walking in the water, weren't there little waves and all that?

[–] Kenny2999@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

Maybe he was also a surfer dude, I mean that gnarly hair and lack of job..

[–] Untamed_Star@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 month ago

car would crash into the lake

[–] Spezi@feddit.org 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] doomchapel666@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

hell yeah jesus now make my gas infinite too

[–] Spezi@feddit.org 1 points 1 month ago

gives you lactose intolerance and turns your gastric juice into milk

[–] yogurtwrong@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Of course he has a drivers licence, he drove a Honda Accord

1000001502

[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 0 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

If I had one of them I wouldn't speak of it either.

Edit: Oof. We've got some Accord owners in the audience. Just riffin', kids.

[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

They shouldn't wear seatbelts

Let them put their faith to the test

[–] Tzayad@lemmy.world 19 points 1 month ago (4 children)

On a serious note.

I knew a woman who would not wear a seatbelt, her reasoning? If she wore one, it would signal to god that she didn't trust him.

[–] Beangut@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

That's cool, did you use 'knew' as in before she flew out a windscreen?

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 2 points 1 month ago

does she believe in airbags.

[–] Tzayad@lemmy.world 1 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Knew, but it was cancer

I saw a video where daughters were arguing with their mother about turning the car off while it was being fueled. She refused to because "do you not trust Jesus? If we die, it is God's will. I trust him and will not interfere". Dangerous morons.

[–] cmbabul@slrpnk.net 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Did… did you know my mom? She’s literally bitched my entire life about how she shouldn’t have to wear one if she doesn’t want to and that if she died in an accident she would “go on to glory”, it took my baby brother balling his eyes out that he didn’t want her to die to get her to do it. I still have doubts that she wears one if she’s in the car by herself. For context I’m now in my 40s

[–] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 4 points 1 month ago

Damn, literal death cult.

[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

There's stupid, then there's religious stupid...

[–] ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I know it's a meme but... victims of car crashes are not just bad drivers

[–] i_ben_fine@midwest.social 1 points 1 month ago

atheists keep running christians off the road!

there we go, back in meme town

[–] s@piefed.world 12 points 1 month ago

Yeah but compare their driving record to atheists’ driving record. How often do you see nothing sitting by the side of the road?

[–] seathru@quokk.au 11 points 1 month ago

Yes. I've been on motorcycles the better part of my life and I give any vehicles with religious stickers a wide berth.

College alumni stickers are also an excellent bad driver indicator.

[–] alapakala@quokk.au 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Blame the vehicle industry.
A good Christian rides camels, horses, and multiple wifes.

[–] LodeMike@lemmy.today 2 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

How would a centaur wear pants

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago (2 children)

You want Leah to wear clothes?

[–] dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

If i have to wear pants then everyone should suffer with me

[–] SuperNovaStar@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Correct. Although she'll always be second choice for me. Unfortunately the best partner in pelican town is with the only person there who's more autistic than me.

[–] SuperNovaStar@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Ah, if only there were some poly people in pelican town 😥

There are a bunch of them. Thanks to my rabbit foot, they are blissfully unaware that they're poly though. Anyway I refuse to share robin with Demetrius. The man's controlling, annoying, boring and frightfully pedantic. Robin can do better. Actually wile I'm at it I'm going to save Marnie from a life of being hidden away like she's something to be ashamed of. Fuck you Lewis! Her life's hard enough without you treating her like shit! Me, Marnie, Robin, and Leah getting trashed on ancient fruit wine in my barn during the week and doing peyote with Sandy on the weekend.

[–] alapakala@quokk.au 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

حَرِيمٌ
monogamy is a recent western sabotage propaganda.

[–] LodeMike@lemmy.today 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I know what a harem is. I was just making a joke about riding wives like animals vs sexually.

[–] alapakala@quokk.au 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

yes
Awareness ≢ endorsement.
I love consentual poly{gamy,eros} & promiscuity.
I am incompatibility with such an objectifying grooming dominant religion.
Free all✊🏿

Atheist: shit, I'm sliding out! Better get this under control.

Christian: Jesus, take the wheel!

[–] BurgerBaron@quokk.au 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

According to the county I live in, if you graffiti a highway train bridge with images of Jesus it's fine for a decade to leave that up until someone adds little red devil horns, then it gets painted over within a week.

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago

That's why if the city won't fix the pothole, you should spray paint a dick on it.

[–] CPMSP@midwest.social 5 points 1 month ago

It's the perfect religion for being an utter psychopath.

No matter what, you're forgiven if you believe some Palestinian dude a couple thousand years ago is the only son of a supreme deity.

It's such a dovetail with capitalism it's criminal; be horrible, go to the good afterlife anyway‽

[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

as a kid used to get in competitions on who would spot more of these crosses during road trips, we got lots of mountain serpentines, thus many of these near cliffs

[–] LORDSMEGMA@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago

Well, cars weren't around in Jesus' time. No idea why they keep asking him to drive

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social -2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

... Kinda crazy that a community so dedicated to woke scolding only has one comment that plenty of those are for victims.

[–] astropenguin5@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I may be too hopeful but I assume it's cuz everyone is smart enough to understand the joke and that it's not actually making fun of the victims

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social -2 points 1 month ago

Sure bro, that's why everyone else is competing to be as cruel and bigoted as they can.