Ask Lemmy

Humans evolved to be social. Hunters and gatherers relied on each other for survival. Ostracism literally meant death. It's so ingrained in our DNA that a social fuck up triggers this thought that we might as well end ourselves and get it over with. The good news is that in modern times you can always find another social group if needed.

Well, not exactly but close:

Yes, every marketing meeting I have.

For me it's like being the only non-beleiver at the cult. Everything they say is so cringey, yet you have to smile and laugh because everyone else drank the koolaid. It makes me wanna crawl out of my skin. Maybe its coz im also the only introvert in a room full of extroverts, but those social interactions make me think maybe i dont belong in this world if these people seem to be the normal ones.

Its always just a fleeting thought though, im assuming like yours

This could be Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, especially if you have Autism and/or ADHD.

Once I was out with some friends for lunch and there was one girl I'd never met before who was a friend of one of my other friends.

I remember we were all just chatting casually as you do and she asked me a question. I didn't hear what she said so I was like "Sorry?". She asked me again. I didn't hear it the second time so I was like "Say again?". She repeated herself a third time. I still didn't hear what she said, so I was like "Sorry, I still didn't get that".

She repeated herself a FOURTH time and you guessed it, I still didn't catch what she was asking me. So this time I just smiled and nodded and hoped that whatever she had asked me could be answered with just a "Yes" or "No". She just sat back and said "okay.." and gave up. I could tell she was thinking wtf is wrong with this guy.

Makes me wince to think about even now. I still have absolutely no idea what she was saying that day, and why at that particular moment I couldn't seem to hear her properly.

I can answer that first title question with a simple I'm autistic. In other words, most indubitably!

I cannot speak for any other autistic person, but I got memories of social interactionsin my head that occasional pop up that make me wanna absolutely rip my hair off. They are just normal situations, but my brain wants me dead, I guess, because they interpret them as something bad.

Is this an AI ad for Jurassic Park Danger? You really cant tell these days.

There is a drive to escape suffering that can lead one to seek a way out, even at the expense of other goals. One cause of suffering is loss of social status. Young people, especially teens, can feel this suffering so acutely they kill themselves in an attempt to escape it. The human brain is not a reasonable, well-designed system. It can and will break in ways that don't make sense to other brains because a brain cannot fully comprehend a brain.

lol your brain is on a rollercoaster and doesn't know where up and down is in that moment. so you confuse the light with darkness and want to drown yourself into it.

Not really but this one time, a long time ago when I was a preteen, I was on holiday with the fam and I kinda snuck into the kitchen and started yapping with the cooks (I have that ADHD 👍). Anyway, it was two ladies and one dude and the dude was talking about how he's gonna be a dad and he's so happy and the lady next to him had a big pregnant belly so I congratulated them both ("of course that's his partner, that's just how it is"- my kid brain). She wasn't pregnant, nor was she his partner, and at least both ladies laughed... I apologised, went back to ask for pancakes, and went back to my mom feeling very embarrassed. 🫣😅

I played Jurassic Park Danger! and it was so bad that now I want to kill myself

^ review you should leave on their website.

Anyway.... suicide is almost always comorbid with feelings of social ostracism (or simply outright insanity). People don't typically kill themselves because they are miserable - a person with two broken legs will spend days crawling across a barren landscape to find food, water, and medical attention with the hope of continuing to live. But have that person lose their 10 million dollar company after an accusation of child molestation that causes all their friends and family to shun them, and you have a different story.

I have two theories.

First, humans naturally want to help other humans in need. If you were walking through the forest looking for harvestable tubers, and you came upon a healthy adult, you might be wary and suspicious. But if they are clearly limping along on a broken foot and falling over from hunger, your fight or flight response reduces and you feel pangs of sympathy and a desire to help. Hence, when someone is socially ostricized, the thing that will gain them sympathy is acting hurt. And what better way to act hurt than to actually be hurt?

Second, humans are social animals and feel an intrinsic sense of fairness and justice in our social groups. So if a group ostricizes a memeber, self harm may be a natural way to show penance for their transgressions. A way of admitting "I know I did the wrong thing, I am so sorry that I am willing to harm myself."

In either case, the brain develops patterns of thought leading to self harm and suicide attempts. Importantly, suicide attempts should be dramatic and obvious, but should fail. A successful suicide would be biologically disadvantageous.