this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2026
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The Onion and other satire w/ layers

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[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 27 points 2 days ago (1 children)

You gotta get the Costco family size box with 45 disposable controllers. Best deal in town. Plus, for each turtle that chokes on the plastics, they are planting two small but sizable bushes.

[–] darvocet@infosec.pub 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Fucking billionaire over here with a Costco membership. You're single handily the reason so many people suffer.

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It's cool man, chill, we donate the cardboard box to an orphanage.

[–] 0ops@piefed.zip 13 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I grew up in a Costco-sourced cardboard box, and for that I'm forever grateful

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 4 points 2 days ago

I always knew I was doing the right thing! Totally beats having to flatten it up to go into the recycling bin.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

luxury! i had to live in a banana box from target in a hole in the ground

[–] stephan262@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

Well at least you had a box and a hole. I only had a damp newspaper on a patch of dirt to live in.

[–] Hxrmit@thelemmy.club 29 points 2 days ago (1 children)

With how much blunders PlayStation had done in the recent time, this sounds believable

[–] ItsMyVault101@piefed.social 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

Is The Chaser a satire site?

[–] printerhell@lemmy.today 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The Chaser is a satirical media empire which rivals Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation in all fields except power, influence, popularity and profitability.

From their about page: https://chaser.com.au/about/

[–] ItsMyVault101@piefed.social 1 points 1 day ago

Thank you for for your service kind stranger, noted, there are website that put actuall useful information in their about page.

[–] lIlIlIlIlIlIl@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

No it’s a legit news site. You can tell by the way that it is

[–] ItsMyVault101@piefed.social 2 points 1 day ago

I believe you and will stock up on 365 of those controllers so I can play for a year.

[–] RampantParanoia2365@lemmy.world 0 points 1 day ago (1 children)

No. Check to make sure your controller hasn't exploded and started a fire.

[–] ItsMyVault101@piefed.social 1 points 1 day ago

Oh you're right, it disintegrated in Rocket League mid game, so the time limit is 2 or 3 minutes.

[–] tabularasa@lemmy.ca 8 points 2 days ago

Don't be giving them any ideas now!

[–] Airfried@piefed.social 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Seems like the DualSense is an annually subscription by the way they build these things.

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 8 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I have three, two are dead. It’s fucking stupid.

They should get sued for this, it’s worse than joy cons (at least Nintendo put con in the name)

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 0 points 1 day ago (1 children)

How did they die? Like buttons/sticks failing while the controller still works otherwise? Won't charge? Won't turn on/connect?

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Stick drift and trigger drift.

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Ah yeah, now that you mention it, I did fix my PSVR2 controller when it got a drift, though it was from me accidentally throwing it, so I didn't feel disappointed they used a similar implementation to Nintendo for the sticks as I was busy being in "fix it" mode.

On that note, they are fixable (the sticks at least, not sure about the triggers), though reassembling the sticks is a delicate operation and involved unbending/rebending some very thin metal strips, one of which broke on mine (though I was able to secure it anyways when I resoldered it to the PCB).

I've been thinking of trying out a career change to tech repair/tweaking.

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I’ve fixed triggers before for ps3 and ps4. With ps5 I’ve been too busy and I don’t really want to deal with the overly fancy resistive triggers.

I bought the pro controller and it does have replaceable sticks, and I’ve gone through one replacement which costs like twice as much as a base replacement kit plus shipping, but it’s easier.

[–] P1nkman@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

I have three, two are dead. It’s fucking stupi

Are you me? My joy-cobs sill live on after 6.5 years!

[–] rem26_art@fedia.io 13 points 2 days ago

need a $4.99 a month subscription to unlock the use of Circle, Triangle, R2, and L2

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 7 points 2 days ago

Honestly I could see them doing something like linking controllers to single accounts.

Want to play with a friend? They had better have a controller and PSN account!

They’d advertise it as instantly play with friends via their account without needing to log in on each console. Then the controller of course would need a pin to verify, in case the controller gets stolen or sold. Maybe you need an app for that to further link your identity, or they add a fingerprint reader and make it more expensive.

Plus, it kills off the third party controllers sucking up all your potential revenue. They’re probably used by cheaters anyways, right? You can only trust Sony. You must submit to Sony.

[–] higgsboson@piefed.social 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I only let my kids use the PS5 via PS4 Remote Play. I can get two PS4 controllers for $10. I never have to care if my kids drop the controllers or even throw them. We just grab another off the stack.

edit: even using them gently, and with my kids banned, I have had 2 PS5 controllers die already.

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 3 points 2 days ago

Man, I was idly browsing the front page while stuck in meeting, and ate the fuck out of this onion.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 days ago

Being real, they damn near already are, if you'll forgive the hyperbole.

The standard controllers' sticks crap out way faster than they should. And their "premium" controller really only improves that by virtue of the sticks being easy to replace. The edge is good otherwise, but the lack of better sticks at that price is horrible.

[–] otacon239@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I’ve gone through a controller a year on average for both Xbone and PS. I plan on swapping out joysticks on some of them one of these days. The Steam controller cannot be here soon enough. At least that one shouldn’t drift instantly. Time will tell.

[–] eatCasserole@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

I have an old wired xbone controller, or 360 actually, that's older than my nephew who recently graduated from grade 8. The drift is only noticable in a couple of games, and the rubber has fallen off the joysticks, but the plastic underneath is nice and smooth. I'm sure the quality has gone down since then.