this post was submitted on 11 May 2026
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Shitty Ask Lemmy

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Only commit crimes where the worst case scenario is failure, but prison, torture or death are acceptable personal outcomes. When all that matters is that they can't undo what you've done, getting "caught" is just a formality.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 days ago

get facial reconstruction surgery in Switzerland. Also, fresh cheese.

[–] folaht@lemmy.ml 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Keep your door locked or hang out a sign that says "no girls allowed" or "please knock first".

[–] Krudler@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

Step 1: Don't

[–] onlooker@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 days ago

By not posting on a public forum, criminal!

Be an American multinational company valued at 500 millions or more

[–] chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 days ago

Don't be the slowest person running from the bear

[–] TootSweet@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

First you define what "getting caught" means. Then, you just do only things that are not described as "getting caught". So easy!

First of all stay calm. And listen very carefully to this advice never and I mean never commit two different crimes at the same time m.

[–] toomanypancakes@piefed.world 2 points 3 days ago

Just get good

[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago
[–] Mpatch@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

Don't do the thing. Or just wear a high vis and carry a Clip board m, click pen. A lanyard, hard hat. No one ever asks some one about nothing in high vis. Unless they ask you " why are you only wearing high vis" and "adam where are your pants?" . That's what the hard hat is there to solve.