Not to sound condescending and too obvious, but make sure to keep her nails trimmed & monitor more closely when she's interacting with grandma. At this age, a lot of it is preventing them from having the opportunity to make the wrong decisions.
this post was submitted on 31 Mar 2026
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Very young kids have those razor thin knife fingernails, too. Definitely keep those things short.
Combined with grandma, depending on age, having paper like skin.
Giving in when you put her in time out just sends the message that if she screams, she gets her way. She needs to learn that you're in charge, and letting her scream it out in a safe time out or controlled activity space would be an essential first step.
Seconding this. I had a two-year-old who was a biter. Time outs just meant him playing in his pack-and-play.
The doctor said to be more aggressive about time outs. She basically said to make sure he's crying, so he knows that it's a punishment. When he got old enough to understand a more wholesome approach we switched to that, but there was a time when letting him be upset was the only thing that worked.
Kids will "go mental" some times, this is unavoidable and you need to accept that to some extent.
If she's hurting Grandma, remove her from Grandma and say "I'm not going to let you hurt Grandma" and if she goes mental sit quietly with her till she is calm. In that state she can not be reasoned with no matter how hard you try, so don't. When she's calm explain what she did to hurt Grandma. This needs to be done immediately after she hurts Grandma, not later. Kids that age can not link past behavior to future punishment.
Kids also find it easier to understand what to do vs what not not do. Show her how you want her to play instead of telling her what not to do.
As far as time outs go consistency is everything. If you're consistent it will get easier over time. General do 1 minute for how old they are. 1 year old = q minute of timeout, 7 years old = 7 minutes.
What do you mean by attack? Hair pulling, exploring with fingers etc is all normal. Generally, a negative outcome lets her know she’s not allowed to do something. It can take time.
I agree with the other poster. Meltdowns should not be given into. I also wouldn’t describe them as going mental. Remember, the words you use are now being soaked in.
Time out I appropriate, but keep the, short and try a time in type, where you sit with her somewhere quiet without distraction. We use a naughty step still for older kids. The naughty step is not for naughty kids, but to discuss naughty actions, or red choices.
Using spanking or physical discipline is never warranted, so it’s worrying that it’s your first instinct for discipline. I think youll need to look at how else you can discipline. Kids crave uniformity and boundaries. Set them and keep them.
Do you know what is prompting the "attacks"? Is grandma doing something that scares her or that she thinks is aggressive? If grandma is going in for a kiss and kiddo doesn't feel comfortable or safe with that she might lash out. Scratching her is unacceptable but I wonder if she thinks it's defensive. You probably can tell the difference between clumsiness and aggression at that age and if it's purposeful then I would talk to grandma about watching for nonverbal cues of nonconsent.
As far as the scratching, every kid is different, but what worked for our kid was showing that his actions hurt and upset us. At that age, rather than disciplining or doing a time out when he hit me, I tried to show the effect his behavior had on me in his own language. When he hit me, I would do my best impression of what he would do when he was hurt. So basically, I pretended to cry, and if that didn't take I would shy away and avoid his hands. It shocked him to realize he could make the big person sad and upset and he didn't want me to be sad, which led to genuine apologies. I would stop when he did something conciliatory, like say "sorry" in sign language, offer me an object or try to hug or pat me. As he gets older I adapt to his level of sophistication, so now I do things differently, but when he was one to two it seemed to help him conceptualize that we were also humans with feelings.
First of all, you should understand that she isn't doing this out of malice. As far as I understand, she only does that with Grandma. Does she even want to be with her? Maybe that's just her way of showing that she doesn't want to.
If being with her isn't the problem, is Grandma doing something she doesn't like? Noises, tickling, holding her in a way she doesn't like, something like that?
It’s also possible that the first time was an accident and that Grandma’s reaction caught her interest. Now she wants to experience that reaction again, and maybe she does. "Grandma makes funny faces or funny noises when I do that." Tell Grandma to just not react in any way and take your daughter away. You’re already telling her that it’s not okay. It’s best to say this using same words you use when your daughter gets hurt.
There’s no need for a punishment like a timeout when she does that. But there can be consequences, which, unlike punishment, have a direct, logical connection. If she hurts Grandma she just can't be with her anymore. Give her something to play with, like building blocks or a puzzle, or whatever she's playing with these days.
Yup, you need to follow through with tougher and tougher punishment if she keeps doing it.