Note the name of OP's instance and engage at your own risk.
Ask Lemmy
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men_Going_Their_Own_Way
I didn't hear about this before today, thanks.
My life was better before I looked up and saw what MGTOW was :).
I can't imagine how pathetic someone would have to be to associate with such a group.
Look, I’m not gonna pretend this isn’t a messy, painful topic, because it is. And I get why it pisses people off. Nobody wants to be on the hook for 18 years of child support for a kid that isn’t theirs. That’s a totally reasonable thing to be mad about. Hell, I’d be mad too. Being tricked into that is a violation. And yeah, the legal system doesn’t always handle it well. Sometimes it feels like men get the short stick here, and I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that’s not true, because in some cases, it absolutely is. Worth noting though that women on the other hand get the short stick in many other fields, and we'll never get absolute equality anyway. And certain people dismissing this topic with just "think of the children" is unhelpful. It dismisses real pain and hands over the conversation to the worst-faith actors, who are more than happy to fill the void with rage and simplification.
The “mandatory paternity tests” idea might sound nice and simple solution on the surface. I get the appeal. Rational, factual, reliable. But think about what that actually means. You’re saying every woman who gives birth should automatically be treated like a potential liar. Every kid starts life under a cloud of suspicion. That’s not just a legal change; that’s a cultural one. Marriage is a choice two adults make, with full awareness of what they’re signing up for. Ideally anyway. But a newborn doesn’t get that choice. They don’t get to opt out of the suspicion or the stigma. They just inherit it.
While still not fair towards the guy, I think perhaps it would be better to keep the system as is BUT introduce an additional step where if a child is found to be the result of infidelity, the woman is obligated to pay damages to the man after the child turns 18 (or perishes). Yes, they guy will have to bitterly pay for the kid that isn't theirs but the woman won't get away with it scot free. Once the kid is secured, the woman will pay back every penny. Yes, it's still painful for the guy but at least it would a bit more fair. And yes there are million details and whatabouts but I think it's a step into the right direction.
You’re saying every woman who gives birth should automatically be treated like a potential liar. Every kid starts life under a cloud of suspicion.
This is one way to look at it but not the only. I imagine people are sometimes incorrect about parentage without any intentional deception or malice. There are poly and swinger folk who are also drinkers out there not remembering some exciting weekends. You could go your whole life making medical, dietary or spiritual decisions based on a false family medical history.
But that's not an argument for making testing default. Men in such relationships can accept the possibility that the kid isn't theirs. Or request testing if it's important to them. This is the parents responsibility and your example is an outlier.
My point was that if the test is mandatory, or even an opt-out rather than opt-in, it creates a culture where the underlying thought is that women on average can't be trusted to name the biological father.
And certain people dismissing this topic with just “think of the children” is unhelpful. It dismisses real pain and hands over the conversation to the worst-faith actors, who are more than happy to fill the void with rage and simplification.
Fucking this. I have little doubt that OP is a lost cause and is just looking troll by "just asking questions" (as evidenced by the fact that he never responds to any genuine and rational comments and only goes for the cheap shots). But never forget that there are people reading these discussions who legitimately don't know or understand. If you have had the sufficient education and environment to learn these things before needing to ask about it online, you are privileged. The alt-right/MGTOW/nazi/etc. crowd have cultivating resentment in confused and sidelined young men down to a science. They are eager to provide their twisted answers with a seemingly loving embrace when the mainstream discussion dismisses the whole topic because it's something that you're just somehow magically supposed to know regardless of your background.
https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/1053:_Ten_Thousand
I did not... forget this? But I guess you're talking to the general "you" and not me personally?
Now why would an incel be worried about paternity testing? 🤣
I'd like to clue you in on why your post is so distasteful.
It wasn't until about 50 years ago when women were allowed to get their own credit card without her husband's permission. And before that, they weren't able to vote, own property, out divorce unless their man said it was ok. Women have been effectively powerless for 90% of history.
Now that women are legally viewed as individuals, some men find that offensive. They want to go back to owning their wives instead of forming an equal partnership with another person they love.
These people have told you that women do not deserve to be people, and have no doubt provided plenty of examples of women being cruel.
You have hyper focused on this ONE situation that effects less than 1% of the population. Meanwhile we have 700k homeless, 550k abused children, and a myriad of other problems in this world that, if solved, would make the world a better place for so many people, but you're worried about the ten men who are being a dad to someone else's offspring. Funny you don't mention mandatory paternity tests for the thousands of deadbeat dads who abandon the children they DO have.
How much does it cost? Who is paying for it?
Please don't project your weird mistrust of women to the rest of the population
I don't think it's a common enough issue to do mandatory testing.
It should be offered IMO (and definitely not made illegal), but not mandatory. If the truth destroys something, it just wasn't meant to be.
No, that's a breach of the privacy for the father and child. An alleged father can already refuse to accept the legal responsibility for a child. A court could demand that they take a paternity test or accept responsibility, but that would still be that person's choice.
An alleged father can already refuse to accept the legal responsibility for a child.
That doesn’t get him off the hook financially though. If the mother put his name on the birth certificate, he’d probably have to take a test to prove he’s not the biological father. And if he is, tough.
This is why I support legal paternal surrender. As long as women have access to abortions (legal, easy, free), men should have the financial equivalent. That’s only fair.
It would add a lot of work to medical staff with no real benefit to most people.
Not worth it... People can just request it if they want to.
People can also notice that the baby isn't at all similar to them and request it then when the baby grows up a bit.
No, because what is best for the child?
I don't think distrust needs to be written in law. Doing it on demand seems more than sufficient.
Not just no, but FUCK NO. this whole notion that you can’t be a father unless you sired the child is just HORSESHIT.
That doesn't seem like it'd be in the child's best interest.
Even if we do this, paternity tests are not guaranteed correct. This has the possibility to cause so much unneeded drama.