repeatedly ask the trainer to spar with you, and shadow box the entire time. make your own wind noises like mac from always sunny.

Ask when the 30 schoolchildren and their teacher will arrive for their active-shooter training.

come in wearing like a cheap Halloween costume soldiers' uniform (DO NOT BRING IN A FAKE GUN)

uhhh ask them if you can contribute something, then recite last rites collectively to everyone in the room, bring the catholic priest kit with the holy oil and such

Do a real active shooting, as a joke

Wear a tactical vest

Wear squeaky clown shoes and be sure to shuffle your feet if you aren't meandering between kill rooms

sitting in a room listening to someone talk

Pretend to have really bad digestive problems. Take frequent bathroom breaks that day, and deliberately miss the first 5 minutes in the bathroom. As you enter, announce that you're having the worst gas of your life, and apologize to the people around you. Keep a whoopie cushion in your underwear so you can "let one rip" every few minutes.

The training is going to be about the three "stages". Flee, hide, fight. They'll tell you to run if you can, hide if you can't, fight if you have to.

Act like you're trying to get information that would make you a more effective active shooter.

"Where would you say the places are that someone is most likely to hide in this office"

Either that or in the last third start highlighting how stupid the training is.

"How much are you getting paid to tell us to bring a stapler to a gun fight?"

"How is this advice any different from "get shot loser"?"

trusting crackers with "fake" guns

le alec baldwin face and le bruce lee face and le bruce lee's son's face and so on and so on

Party poppers.

Shit your pants and do the doodoo walk, that will make everyone uncomfortable

We recently had this training in my school. The thing I wished I did is to prepare a few well researched facts about red flag gun laws, gun crime statistics and how they can protect people so we don't have to barricade the door and cower in the corner. My state already has laws on the books that allow judges to take weapons away from people deemed unstable. The police that ran the training didn't mention it once, but they showed us how to use staplers to defend oneself. Lol.