Number of incurable health issues I cured in myself: 3
Number of incurable health issues I didn't cure in myself: 1
this post was submitted on 09 Feb 2026
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Number of incurable health issues I didn't cure in myself: 1
So far
Stop laughing everyone this is a tragedy. When I needed money I'd just steal more than 50,000 from Scott Adams, I did this like 5-7 times. Now that he died I have to get a job.
You've got to help me it's hard in this economy when all you've got is about a quarter of a million dollars and four car stereos.
Does anyone know where this guy is? I could really use 50k right now
bad news, the money store closed
Holy shit Scott Adams died? Lmao I didn't even know
he died of prostate cancer before Biden did lmao
Prostate cancer too?! How did I miss this wholesome news?
he announced he had it right after biden did, so i and a lot of people here assumed he was making shit up for attention again and basically ignored him, you'd be forgiven for not hearing about it
i completely forgot about it until he died a couple weeks ago, i sure am owned that i was wrong or whatever 
why didn't he just persuade his asshole into remission, is he stupid?
Number of times someone stole more than $50,000 from me: 5-7 times
Skill issue bozo. Also how do you not know the exact number of times $50,000+ went missing? If I ever had that amount of money at once I would definitely notice if it went missing.
His definition of "stole $50,000 from me" is probably some shit like "published a copy of my NFTs on social media."
Right-clicked and saved my NFT
Yeah like does he mean identity theft or fraud or something? Although this is Scott Adams so I could imagine him keeping his money in big sacks with a dollar sign.
Somehow he was dumb enough to rugpull his own DilbertCoin?
Incredibly robbable guy
Yeah, kind of a weird way for him to be communicating his findom fetish.
Number of full days of vacation, no work, I have taken in the past 33 years: 5 or so
I love the idea of him bragging about this when his job is drawing the same cartoon about how much it sucks having a comfortable office job. Him treating Dilbert so seriously is why I think it doesn't work with absurdist dada. Garfield has the same premise- a decades long mantra of the same comic strip that transcends kitsch when someone takes the unserious thing seriously. Jim Davis knew it was a bullshit job and described cranking out a week's worth of jokes in one day, an intentional lack of sincerity that you can subvert in a meta-modernist way. Scott Adams thought it was a real job and saw Dilbert as a reflection of his own intelligence/protestant work ethic/creativity. It's such a sincere self-insert that you can't parody it without it just being a parody of Scott Adams, who's already such a weird guy that it falls flat like a Trump impression. The brilliant Lasagna Cat episodes where it's a 1-4 hour repeat of the same comic strip to try and give it meaning would never be funny with Dilbert.
Number of full days of vacation, no work, I have taken in the past month: 15
Have fun working in hell Scott, I’ll be in my bed for 16 hours a day
I hate it when I have to call my insurance company and tell them someone stole my collection of gold bars for the seventh time
I am proud to report that I have a 75% success rate of curing myself of lethal diseases. Buy my book.
This is like a gta side character who manages to find himself in increasingly dumber situations what the hell
Apparently he grew up in 1990s Compton
I wanna do this
Fights: A few
Car radio stolen: 0
Knife assaults: 0
Home burglaries: 0
Garage burglaries: 0
Neighbourhood burglaries: 0
Auto accidents: 2, one of them wrote off my first motorcycle
Money above $500 stolen from me: Once. That one time I learned I am vulnerable to predatory gambling mechanics in videogames.
Number of times disciplined: Oh fucking countless times for sure.
Incurable diseases cured: 0
Health problems in others cured: I dunno maybe a few IBS symptoms improved?
That number of incurable health issues is one too few buddy, better luck next time lmao
Rest In Piss
sounds like you have been living in a shithole and you hate to admit it because of nationalism has blinded your eye lmao
What the hell did he do on his full days of vacation!?
I wonder if that robbery number counts or doesn't count the Insta model he married who vanished in a heroic puff of smoke the day after her prenup ran out?
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