Horrible and suicidal. So normal for me. Thanks Amerikkka
this post was submitted on 05 Feb 2026
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Probably a bit of a "bruh"
I don't know what hit me but I was feeling somewhat sick for... the entirety of the past 4-5 weeks, I believe. Probably the flu, hope it's just my regularly scheduled Autistic burnout, really hope it's not COVID... Never sick enough to warrant a sick leave (not that my boss would allow it at this point anyway), but I really wasn't feeling it. I thought I recovered this week... went for some workout that got too intense on Mon, and voilà I'm stressed out again, so I guess I'll just do my "new-immigrant mandated" amounts of Meetup groups (separate topic as to why new immigrants need to attend Meetups to build friendgroups... but I digress) and rest
Work got a bit interesting. Half of the people in the tiny research lab I'm working at decided to quit sooner or later, so there's a bit of a weird tension around... and work-wise I'm now in a weird place where I really don't have much to do but have to fake busy for 7,6 hours a day (lunch break not included). I'm seriously contemplating asking for a week or two off
There are good things happening though so it's not all negative
Tired has always been my answer but especially as of late. Feels like I've been in a fog for the last month. Not a chronic disease as far as I'm aware but just tired of trying. When I can't get as far as I'd want to be. Like I'm hitting a wall.
I mean, I know at one point or another I'll probably find a way around it, or through it. And I know others have it way worse than I do right now. But feels like I'm losing the drive to try. I've had enough rest, I just want out now.
I hate the system. I hate that everything costs so much. I dont want to be here anymore, but I dont want to die. Im not feeling suicidal. Im feeling more and more rebellious. Not so much as Im about to go full anarchy, but being a nuisance to share a point.
Right now I feel so anxious and like my heart is trembling...
My mom told me to be in the livingroom to talk to me and idk why like I just started to feel anxious just being in the livingroom. I feel anxious around my family of origin.
Idk how to calm down, I feel like I have a panic attack.
Lucky for you, I am educated in the finest medicine the 18th century has to offer; Have you considered opium? It really helps, and it has no adverse effects.*
*: These quacks with their fancypants modern medical degrees claim there are plenty of adverse effects, but if they're so good, how come the secretary of health despise them so much? Checkmate, big pharma.
- Breathe
- Close your eyes and focus on a single point at the tip of your n'ose
- Fine 5 things to look at and note details about them, then 4 things you can touch and note their texture, 3 things you can hear and how they sound, 2 things to smell, 1 thing to taste (the inside of your mouth and/or the skin of your hand will do in a pinch for these last two)
Hope whatever it was is over by now, but also that some of these tricks can help in the future
For most part pretty good. A bit worried about small things: I need to lose some kilos, my old cat is becoming crankier by the day, I got no idea on what to prepare for lunch tomorrow, my mum changes ideas on what she wants for our living room furniture by the day, this sort of thing.
Also excited with the fact it's Thursday, tomorrow is Friday, and Friday means deep-fried food snacks in our "home bar".
I feel like I could describe my life as pretty awesome or an absolute train wreck, depending on how I feel in the moment or who I'm talking to. So I guess on balance I'm fine.