Ask Lemmy

Tittyfondling.

I have no idea how I'd rank, but I don't see how I could possibly lose.

Did they pick me because I was one of the worlds greatest at something who have ever lived?

Must be something like chess-boxing but with half a dozen more sports mixed in. Chess-box-deadlift-slalom-300m rifle-shot put-canoeing-shrimp taming-minigolf.

Being a virgin. At 35 I am definitely among top 10.

Being haunted by memories of my own embarrassments and failures that still feel fresh sometimes would make me physically recoil and shudder.

/ Would still probably not win

Limbo and sex

(I will lose to Barbados Slim)

There's absolutely nothing where I would have even a theoretical chance of winning and that's true for most people here I would guess, so I'm gonna go with what would be fun to see.

For example, there were fossilized footprints found of someone running quicker than any modern sprinter so it would be interesting to see the actual fastest runner on say 400m where the modern start blocks wouldn't be so much of an handicap for the old naturals.

Forgetting to do a thing you really need to do today only to remember 4 hours late once you are laying comfortably in bed.

Procrastinating

MacGyvering.

So I'm the baseline. Is that what we're thinking here?

Procrastination contest.

Fartin'

Playing a random collection of video games that no one in the tournament has played or heard of before to 100% completion.

I'm just really good at learning quickly.

Finding money on the street. I don’t know why but I’d find multiple coins every time I went out and notes regularly as well. Very sad that people don’t use cash much any more.

Fisting

I'm really good at fisting

Fucking my wife

Tennis.

It will, however, be a huge misunderstanding because I suck at it. After a long and angry rant from me about the ethics of raising me from the dead against my wishes, they quietly send me back and pretend it never happened.

Calvinball. Ain't nobody, not even the zorgs, can ball harder

Depression olympics?

I’m probably one of the best 1000 whistlers alive but I suspect people used to be far better whistlers on average so I’m losing so hard.

Random chance gambling. All throughout history there have been many statistical anomalies and if I joined them in such a competition, I'd have just as good a chance at winning as anyone else.

Competition for most humble and selfless person. Yeah, I'd win.

the involves

Well, those people are in on it. Is it comma-splicing?

I dont know, but it would involve a gun so I could shoot the fucker that brought me back, and then put myself back to sleep with the second shot.

The Grail Wars?

I've always liked the idea of a rando being in events with the worlds best so we can get an idea of how much better the pros are than average. I'm down to be that rando in any event, I'll give it everything I've got. Once.

Trying to pass worker protection laws in a land where unions have become big business.

Think Fallout but instead of vaults it's orphanages