Competition for most humble and selfless person. Yeah, I'd win.
this post was submitted on 02 Feb 2026
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Random chance gambling. All throughout history there have been many statistical anomalies and if I joined them in such a competition, I'd have just as good a chance at winning as anyone else.
the involves
Well, those people are in on it. Is it comma-splicing?
ro-sham-bo
Limbo and sex
(I will lose to Barbados Slim)
Tittyfondling.
I have no idea how I'd rank, but I don't see how I could possibly lose.
I’m probably one of the best 1000 whistlers alive but I suspect people used to be far better whistlers on average so I’m losing so hard.
Playing a random collection of video games that no one in the tournament has played or heard of before to 100% completion.
I'm just really good at learning quickly.
Blind game tournaments are already a thing, you should give them a shot. I've never competed but I like Kusogrande, the bad video games tournament.
Think Fallout but instead of vaults it's orphanages
Procrastination contest.
Being a virgin. At 35 I am definitely among top 10.
According to lore anyone over 30 who is still a virgin becomes a wizard and that is why there are so few wizards about.
So your competition would be a wizards battle. No offense but I’d buy tickets to that event.
When you consider the fact youre not even trying this is a win win scenario for you.
Did they pick me because I was one of the worlds greatest at something who have ever lived?
Must be something like chess-boxing but with half a dozen more sports mixed in. Chess-box-deadlift-slalom-300m rifle-shot put-canoeing-shrimp taming-minigolf.
Ohhhh, you're the mysterium zxqwasball champion?
That made me laugh out loud.
shrimp taming
Darn I had a chance until that one.
Last time I tried taming shrimp, bad things happened...
Depression olympics?
Being haunted by memories of my own embarrassments and failures that still feel fresh sometimes would make me physically recoil and shudder.
/ Would still probably not win
Your competitor is like, Adolf Hitler or Elon Musk or something. I think they would probably cringe a lot looking back on their lives
I don't think sociopaths/psychopaths with no discernible ability for remorse or self-reflection are my biggest competition.
No shot both weren't high on their own fumes
Calvinball. Ain't nobody, not even the zorgs, can ball harder
The Grail Wars?
I've always liked the idea of a rando being in events with the worlds best so we can get an idea of how much better the pros are than average. I'm down to be that rando in any event, I'll give it everything I've got. Once.
I saw a video on youtube from a guy with a running channel or something like that.
On that video he was talking about race walking before introducing his guest, an olympic medalist in race walking, and commenting how crazy fast these people at the top are, he was mentioning a bunch of the dude's long distance times and to put them into perspective he compared them to some of his times. The both had similar times, but he had them running while the other had them walking.
Procrastinating
Even just showing up is an immediate disqualification
Finding money on the street. I don’t know why but I’d find multiple coins every time I went out and notes regularly as well. Very sad that people don’t use cash much any more.
There's absolutely nothing where I would have even a theoretical chance of winning and that's true for most people here I would guess, so I'm gonna go with what would be fun to see.
For example, there were fossilized footprints found of someone running quicker than any modern sprinter so it would be interesting to see the actual fastest runner on say 400m where the modern start blocks wouldn't be so much of an handicap for the old naturals.
Forgetting to do a thing you really need to do today only to remember 4 hours late once you are laying comfortably in bed.
So I'm the baseline. Is that what we're thinking here?
Fisting
I'm really good at fisting
Fucking my wife
You're not going to enjoy that competition though...
My wife will though and that brings me joy
Wholesome 💯
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Tennis.
It will, however, be a huge misunderstanding because I suck at it. After a long and angry rant from me about the ethics of raising me from the dead against my wishes, they quietly send me back and pretend it never happened.
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