The Onion

(Minneapolis, MN) As Minnesotans remain pissed, ICE officers now can’t - or they have to drive back to the station to do so. Local businesses have begun placing signs denying entry to ICE officers for any purpose not serving a warrant, hampering their efforts and drawing loud anger from the White House. At a 7-11 in downtown Minneapolis, local police have been called repeatedly to remove ICE officers trespassing on private property, as this new form of protest takes hold.

“This is illegal,” trump said in remarks while playing golf at his club in Mara Lago Saturday. “Police can do whatever they want, ICE even more so. They can shoot anyone and they’re resisting arrest. It’s like Gaza, but better.”

Not so, says Minnesota State Police. “These are public businesses refusing service to people believed to be dangerous. We will continue to support the rights of businesses in our communities.”

The trump administration was furious when a judge denied a warrant for any officer to go into every convenience store, applebees, or costco food court, “due to the high likelihood of crime.” The decision is being taken to the Supreme Court Monday, on an emergency appeal.

In the meantime, ICE officers can be seen running into malls to use public bathrooms before the cops arrive, and can be seen eating military MREs, as the federal government works to ship them food from conservative vendors.

The irony has been noted by homeless members of the community. Leo Sturbgetter, a Minnesota cow detangler who lives in his car, said “they keep coming up to us asking to buy them food and cigarettes, but hell, they should know even a homeless person doesn’t want to be seen with that kind of trash.”

The Supreme Court is expected to rule Monday.