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[-] sederx@programming.dev 129 points 6 months ago

Because you are not good at it

[-] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 43 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

At least let me apply. Or is this some recruit type situation where they meet me in a dark alley and burn off my fingerprints.

[-] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 30 points 6 months ago

Email the CIA. Apply for military intelligence.

[-] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 19 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Hello CIA,

How's it going?

[-] CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world 43 points 6 months ago

Doing alright, how you doing?

[-] pm_me_your_quackers@lemmy.world 16 points 6 months ago

5 month old account lmao

[-] Stunning@lemmy.zip 10 points 6 months ago
[-] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 14 points 6 months ago

I think I just shit myself.

[-] blanketswithsmallpox@lemmy.world 6 points 6 months ago

... We've rescinded our be in touch.

[-] nightwatch_admin@feddit.nl 3 points 6 months ago

Hey, you’re not CIA - you’re the bald guy from the XCOM council!

[-] Fondots@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago

You know years ago I heard a recruitment ad for the CIA on the radio, and that caught me a little off guard, I always kind of assumed the CIA personally reached out to specific candidates and hired through shady back channels and such and didn't really do open recruitment.

I guess it makes sense though, for every James Bond type super spy there's probably a hundred different random office staff, IT guys, clerks, mailroom guys, secretaries, janitors, accountants, etc. who handle boring day-to-day operational stuff and rarely or never get to see any of the crazy spy craft stuff happening.

And I guess once you land one of those jobs, maybe you can get your foot in the door for eventual promotion to International Man of Mystery.

[-] intensely_human@lemm.ee 9 points 6 months ago

You're not supposed to talk about such messages. They're only for you.

[-] Finite@lemmy.world 3 points 6 months ago

The CIA has an internship program for college grads

[-] aidan@lemmy.world 2 points 6 months ago

I looked into it, and honestly compared to most private sector internships it seemed terrible, one of the alphabet agency internships I looked at was unpaid maybe all of them. And it was the most stereotypical intern stuff. Organizing files and the like.

[-] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 2 points 6 months ago

They recruit from college students studying Chinese, Arabic, Russian...

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[-] knobbysideup@lemm.ee 9 points 6 months ago

If you have the background and get the right head hunter, you can get sponsored for your TS/SCI. I used to work for a place....

I will tell you, however, that working in a SCIF is not as awesome as it looks on TV.

[-] Lauchs@lemmy.world 77 points 6 months ago

A) Labour is much cheaper in Russia than the US.

B) What foreign languages do you speak relatively fluently?

C) Do those foreign languages match to countries where elections have consequences AND the US has a vested interest in destabilizing them?

D) If the answer to C was yes, really? Where?

[-] WhatAmLemmy@lemmy.world 47 points 6 months ago

OP thinks you should be scrolling on Indeed and see

Do you enjoy shitposting on the internet all day? Join the CIA and you can get paid to shitpost in our many psychological warfare operations. From attacking leftist causes and amplifying corporate shills in political races, to discrediting climate science and the ethnic cleansing of Palestinians in the Middle East, there is no limit to what you could accomplish with the CIA.

[-] Lauchs@lemmy.world 12 points 6 months ago

Ahaha, that's great! Only thing missing is a specific list of countries they CIA intends to destabilize.

[-] Squeak@lemmy.world 19 points 6 months ago
[-] Lauchs@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago

Ahaha, I legit laughed pretty hard at that one.

[-] sxan@midwest.social 62 points 6 months ago

Do you speak Russian, or Chinese? B/c you won't be very effective doing it in English or high-school level Spanish.

[-] Sanyanov@lemmy.world 2 points 6 months ago

I speak Russian natively, where to enlist? :D

[-] dustyData@lemmy.world 30 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Are you in the military, at least? Because that's sort of step one. They don't want the random weed addict who is terminally online. They at least want to know you will follow orders and finish missions through.

[-] JimboDHimbo@lemmy.ca 11 points 6 months ago

....they should really consider taking the weed addicts.

[-] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 25 points 6 months ago

The US is almost certainly doing it too. I don't think they're going to post them on Indeed though.

[-] kromem@lemmy.world 6 points 6 months ago

They are also probably giving the contract to a defense contractor who is turning around and outsourcing it, so there are no US based jobs to troll for the US.

[-] nightwatch_admin@feddit.nl 3 points 6 months ago

So, to the Russians?

[-] JackLSauce@lemmy.world 3 points 6 months ago

Looks at Infographics Show content from the past 2 years

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[-] Agent641@lemmy.world 17 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Because they know you'll do it for free. Source: The Picard Maneuver

[-] mx_smith@lemmy.world 12 points 6 months ago

You need to join the military and go to this school.

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[-] BeefPiano@lemmy.world 8 points 6 months ago

Not for the US military but that’s literally political advertising. Have you seen what the Lincoln project does?

[-] chaogomu@kbin.social 2 points 6 months ago

The military like doesn't do it, but the almost certainly CIA does...

[-] Arbiter@lemmy.world 2 points 6 months ago

I mean, the military definitely has a PR division.

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[-] lwuy9v5@lemmy.world 8 points 6 months ago
[-] vettnerk@lemmy.ml 7 points 6 months ago

You could always join NAFO

[-] zepheriths@lemmy.world 7 points 6 months ago

Because thats a important position that is probably obfuscated from the general public

[-] profdc9@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

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[-] Shard@lemmy.world 4 points 6 months ago

Manpower in 'developed' countries is too expensive.

The little anecdotal data we have points to something in the range of 50 cents per "state" approved comment.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/50_Cent_Party

[-] JayJay@lemmy.world 4 points 6 months ago

Nice try professional military troll!

[-] randombullet@feddit.de 4 points 6 months ago

Because NIPRNET sucks to do OSINT.

You don't want to be in the military for anything PSYOPS.

You'd be better off as a contractor.

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[-] mysoulishome@lemmy.world 4 points 6 months ago

Well they definitely can’t hire you now, this post will have blown your cover

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[-] Hello_there@kbin.social 3 points 6 months ago

You have expertise in the culture of your country. They need expertise in the culture of China/Russia/Iran/etc.

[-] ivanafterall@kbin.social 7 points 6 months ago

If we ever go to war with Japan again, we should be set.

[-] Gregorech@lemmy.world 9 points 6 months ago

Weeb should be set....

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[-] Neato@kbin.social 2 points 6 months ago

Not foreign operations. But it's relatively easy to get a us military tech job that is low impact. Application process is 3-6mo long but once you're in your golden.

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this post was submitted on 20 Nov 2023
249 points (93.4% liked)

Showerthoughts

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A "Showerthought" is a simple term used to describe the thoughts that pop into your head while you're doing everyday things like taking a shower, driving, or just daydreaming. The best ones are thoughts that many people can relate to and they find something funny or interesting in regular stuff.

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