Dull Men's Club

There's a lot of great advice here, but the most important piece of I ever got as an expecting parent was "Your baby isn't my baby" Keep in mind that most pieces of advise you get are probably helpful but they might not apply to you and partner and your new kid.

But for me the second best was to see if your wife can express some bottles of milk so that you can do some feedings. Breast milk is great but it doesn't need to be fresh from the tap. If you've got a few bottles in the fridge you can take over a feed and let her sleep. It's also great for you bonding with you kid.

Meal prep and have easy to heat up meals ready to go for the first two weeks. Cooking becomes harder than you would ever believe once kiddo arrives.

Get baby bottles with limited feed nipples and at least two varieties of formula ready. Milk doesn't always come in on time or in the quantities that baby needs. Babies can also have digestive issues or taste preferences so having a backup option is clutch.

Get something that will let you wear the baby hands free. Some babies will wake like clockwork within minutes of being put down and sometimes the only way you can get something done is with the baby on your chest.

Something I didn't know about was that young babies under 3 months go a little crazy with their limbs when they sleep and need to be swaddled so they don't flail around. They're used to being in a confined space so being wrapped up in a baby blanket is very comforting. Make sure you have at least 3 to rotate out when they get dirty. They come in a few varieties so see which might work for you.

Babies can come early, like three weeks early, so get everything ready like diapers and wipes well before the due date. Assume you have less time than you think so you're not caught off guard.

Talk to family or friends and find out who would be able to help with chores, food or watching the baby periodically for the first few months

There's a ton of second hand, barely used or basically brand new baby stuff out there in basically any population center. Definitely check out second hand stuff for anything that you are thinking of spending more than pocket change on

Sleep is precious, enjoy it while you can

Congrats! Reddit sucks but /r/daddit has a wealth of knowledge and a supportive user base.

So.. for me this is what I did beforehand.

Bought a rechargeable fan that'll hook onto the bedframe at the hospital.

Bought her some cooling packs for her nether regions. Post birth needs a bunch of stuff. Sits bath items, Hemorrhoid wipes / cream. Etc

I bought my own dad bag. So we both were prepared. I kept a change of clothes for all of us in each car

I bought cloth diapers to be used as burp cloths. Buy a lot of them. And don't buy the expensive burp cloths. https://a.co/d/apyEjCv is what I bought.

Additionally they make great rags later. I'm into cast iron and I use them for seasoning rags.

Packing cubes the small ones keep stuff together. I keep desitin diapers and powder in the same container for ease of access. https://a.co/d/4qOrfgW for example

Bought these for powder on the go. https://a.co/d/i1zunEZ Because powder containers are huge.

It's difficult and sucks quite often. but it's so rewarding. One of the manliest things I've ever done was feed my newborn moms milk at 230am while she was sleeping.

Good luck op!

Edit: feel free to dm me if you'd like

Also Go out to eat now. Go to the movies. Watch a TV show. Sit in silence.. Be out and about with friends.

It get a lot more difficult after the kiddo.

-Baby might not really bond with dad until it's like 2 that's ok. A lot of that time dad is just moms replacement. But baby will get a good bond with dad if they spend time together.

• Make sure dad has space and ability to figure out how to take care of baby. Not just copy what mom does but figure out how they can do things. Helps dad to feel like it's his baby and he can be good at things too.
• Staggering baby leave - like 2 weeks initially then more leave months later when mom goes to work - can be helpful with that too.

It’s ok to set baby down somewhere safe and step away to take a beat. There will be times where you feel overwhelmed, like nothing you do can get them to stop crying; those are the times to step away and regroup.

Everything is new for baby, every hunger is the hungriest they’ve ever been, every bump is the most pain they’ve ever felt, every noise the loudest, give them some grace while they get used to living.

Babies are incapable of malice, they don’t know how to be mean, so don’t take anything like only wanting one person, not eating for you, throwing up on you, etc. personally.

It will be great, but it won't go according to plan. Make sure you and the mom are braced for this so it doesn't throw you. Breastfeeding may be difficult, there may be other medical issues, you will be so tired that you may make small mistakes along the way. Be understanding of each other. Accept any help that other people offer - it takes a community. Try to enjoy it. The days are long - but the years fly by.

Babies are little people just like us. They have bad days, and good days. Also try to relax, and enjoy it as much as you can. You are not perfect and you shouldn't try to be. Just focus on the love you have for them and give them plenty of snuggles. Congrats!

A bunch of other stuff has been covered, so I'll just talk about communication.

Talking to teachers, preschool especially; kids are coming in with worse and worse communication skills.

The #1 bit of advice to have a kid that speaks well; talk to your baby, regularly,like about everything you are doing with/to them. Before they can speak they are learning words; phrasing and cadence.

I read somewhere years ago, before our first baby; that, babies learn new words when they are spoken to directly, they cement how to use those words when they hear their parents use words with others.

Edit: "baby speak" is not required....speak normally; singing however is great they love it.

Post pardum is real and can have tremendous lasting impacts on mental health. It’s easy and natural for all of the attention to be on the baby, but it’s critical to keep an eye out for each other here too. If you or your spouse are getting overwhelmed, get some help, and consider therapy quickly.

Take as much paternal leave you can financially band legally. The child bonds with the mom naturally but you bond with it as a father almost as much once you stay with them for a couple of months while mom is away working and not destroying her career. I took the maximum of one year allowed here in Korea without gettin into trouble at work. I don't feel it had any impact on my career, but it was a time I will never forget as one of the best times I had in my life.

Velcro swaddles are a must. You can practice doing regular swaddles, but I found the velcro ones to be quick and easy. Something about the act of swaddling helps the kid sleep.

Also, gas is your enemy. Look up how to do abdomin massages and leg kicks for when burping didn't get the job done the first time around. Frida baby has a great product called a Windi gas passer as a last resort. They also have a lot of great other products.

You and especially your partner will be the most tired you have ever been. You will be frustrated and angry for no reason. Stepping outside for 5 minutes for a breather while your kid is safe in a crib is perfectly ok for your sanity.

I used an app to track sleep and feeding. With multi user support. I started with it after our messages was just "he'd sleeping" / he napped at 10 / he woke up now

Just being transparent about these schedules while the other one is at work or whatever was really good

Obviously something you'd wanna do after the tint baby period. We kept it going u till he started kindergarten, then we couldn't track that anymore

Practice funny voices and learn a few songs to sing. A lullaby, a wake up song, a hello song and a goodbye song. Diaper changing song, mealtime song... You can make them up. I sang most things when they were little.

Others have covered the more serious stuff, so I’ll say this; nappy (diaper) frills around the leg holes go on the outside. Also, if in doubt which way a t-shirt or jumper goes, the label inside is usually on the baby’s left.

In the vein of dull advice, how about packing up a diaper bag and getting a car seat in your car. Then pick a small item that you cannot leave the house without bringing along. You can't forget it in the car either, you need to bring it with you wherever you go, so make it something one of you can put in a purse or bag. For me, when we had our first child, the realization the next morning was that we couldn't just jump in the car anymore and go. It had now become a process.

I would recommend that you buy different formulas if you are going to formulas.

Here's the reason why: my daughter would cry when we would feed her formula after an hour or so. This would happen every time. We moved her to a different one that wasn't lactose. After changing the formula we started to get sleep at night because she wasn't getting cramps from the formula.

It took us and the doctor a good min to figure out why she was always fuzzy. Hope it helps.

First of all, congratulations!

Here's an advice from a Gen X-er: do NOT listen to the Boomers. Not their fault. They had their education by Dr. Spock.

Also, when the kid is there, both you and the lady should get some me-time at regular intervals. Having kids is hard. Take some time off now and then.

You will probably overbuy baby stuff. Just make sure you can return it or pass it on.

You will probably need something you don't have for the baby. Yes, babies have the same base needs, but individual babies may have different needs. For instance, they may not tolerate the bibs you have for them. You didn't mess up if you missed something, that's just life.

Get ready to do lots of laundry. Babies produce so, so much laundry. Spitting up on things. Blowout diapers. Other mystery substances. Get all of your fussy, non machine washable clothes and set them aside for a few months.

Make sure you can feed yourselves with little friction for the first few months. Your exhausted, sleep deprived self will thank you. Freeze some meals. Make meal plans ahead of time. Convenience food.

If you are having a biological child, and you are not the carrying parent, this next part is important. Have you ever had surgery, especially major surgery? Remember how much rest and sleep you needed to recover? Giving birth is pretty much exactly like that. (Yes, both C-section and vaginal birth.) But, after the procedure, you don't get to sleep or rest. You have a small creature that depends on you for ALL of its needs, and it will communicate in such a way that it may not be apparent what the problem is. Breastfeeding too? Then you must either feed the child yourself or pump ahead of time so someone else can. There may be a 10 pound weight limit on how much you can carry. Guess what weighs about 10 pounds and keeps getting bigger? And did you know if you carry it with its car seat, it likely weighs MORE than 10 pounds?

If you're not the carrying parent, make sure they can rest as much as you possibly can make it. Recruit help from trusted friends and family. It could even be for the dishes, laundry, cleaning, or cooking. It doesn't even have to be baby care if they aren't comfortable with babies but still want help.

If you are, don't be afraid to assert yourself with your partner if they are slacking with the division of labor.

Get the What to Expect When You're Expecting app. It helps you track baby's progress during pregnancy and through the first year

You will he amazed just how much of the dialogue between you and your partner will simply be about poops

Dont be concerned with jaundice its incredibly common

If the plan is for her breastfeed, dont let that hold you back from formula if the milk doesn't come immediately, or if there are latching issues. Just supplement with formula and keep trying. Babies are very tired so they typically only have enough energy to try feed for short bursts.

Second the nose frida

Have a go bag ready for you and your wife a month+ out. We were surprised by my wife's water breaking a month early...about 10 minutes AFTER I had put all laundry in the wash

Don't make rules that punish you. Example, the parents and kid aren't leaving the table until the kid eats their veggies.

Don't do it.

I had my first less than three months ago. I got lucky in that mine sleeps through the night, I’ve heard that’s rare. If your baby is good at staying asleep, make lots of noise while they’re napping to get them used to it. It’ll help later in life (they’re less likely to be light sleepers that way). Vacuum, do dishes, listen to music, whatever. Every baby’s different though, if they keep waking up and staying awake, switch things up. Routines can be important too when they’re a bit older. Don’t worry too much about it at first, but around 4 months I’ve heard a baby will start to get into a routine, so keep that in mind. I’m not quite there yet so I can’t comment too much, that’s just something I’ve heard a ton from other parents.

My biggest thing is don’t stress too much. Things will come when they come, you’ll figure it out. There’s a good chance one or both of you will have parental instincts, trust them. If neither have them, that’s okay too. Just do your best. There’s no right or wrong answer. When they’re a bit older, I’ve heard positive reinforcement tends to be more effective and also far better for their mental health than discipline, albeit slower to start. I’m not there yet but that’s what I’m planning on doing. At the end of the day though, don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t a perfect parent. Do your best by your kid and they’ll turn out just fine. Just give them lots of love, always.

Also obviously don’t abuse them or something but that shouldn’t be necessary to say.

From the top of the head: all the stuff you will have to buy, you will, but speaking of diapers, if japanese Merries are sold where you live, that's the shit. Everything else leaks, leaves rash, looks uncomfortable, etc, and you don't want to buy a pack of everything to try out.
And speaking of things you can't buy, one good setup thing. If your wife is going to breastfeed, she would have to get the baby, and then put it back at night. We just removed one side of the baby bed, i fixed it at even height with our bed, and put it right to the side of ours so then my wife could just drag the baby closer and feed without completely waking up. And when done, the kid is already almost where it has to be. This improved our life quality with both kids.

I got a friend who swears by an automatic baby rocker

Invest heavily in learning how to take and use deep breaths. My oldest is 12 now and in a lot of ways the baby days are still here.

In particular I'd recommend a wall-powered snot vacuum. They will probably give you a bulb at the hospital. It sucks and should either stay in the birthing unit or just go in the trash. Someone will recommend a Nose Frida or something similar. Those are junk too but are better than the bulbs. The powered one will work much better than your lungs. It's not exactly like a vacuum cleaner, it's more like a water bong. The negative pressure draws the boogies through the water cup where you can just pour it down the sink. Much better than accidentally inhaling it because you pulled too hard or the boogers were thinner than you thought.

Also get that kid on a sleep schedule ASAP. Don't wait or allow other things (like co-sleeping) to replace the sleep schedule. It doesn't really take long for the baby to get it, but one of you will probably want to step in. I did, and I didn't think it would really work, but I am grateful that we took that advice.

Get a good baby carrier. Something similar to this: https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/81ZIaFppcOL._AC_.jpg We had a stroller, but hardly used it. Wearing your kid is so much easier most of the time. Some of my best memories of the early years are going out with my kid in the carrier.

if you are musical: Get a harmonica and one of those no hands holders. For the first 6 months your only chance to play will be when holding a sleeping baby.

Then get the cheapest instrument shaped object that resembles your instrument of choice - for the next 3 years your only chance to play will be bath time and you need something that you don't care about ruining if you need to save a drowning baby.

my oldest is 11 and I still haven't found a good practice time for when the kid gets older.

I'm the future, when they're 2 or so, whatever you do, DO NOT break the banana.

Hey, same boat dull man, who built this thing anyways?

She's not eating for two, and pregnant ain't broken.

She should stay as active as possible throughout her pregnancy, and stick to her regular diet... Unless she's obese, then she should cut calories down to a regular diet, otherwise she'll probably get gestational diabetes.

If you live in the southern US, good luck. You'll need it.

Don't give them a pacifier, and keep the thumb out of their mouth. Avoid co-sleeping

Also, remember, for the first 4-5 years, every bad thing that happens to them, will probably be THE WORST thing to ever happen to them, and they're not wrong. Teach them methods of coping and self regulation. Don't just make everything better with sweets, treats, and activities

Acquire some magnets to amuse the baby, and get a scale for some reason.

Other than that, I'm pretty useless here for advice.