this post was submitted on 30 Nov 2025
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Chapotraphouse

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49
If any cannibalism allegations against me surface within the next week, just ignore them. (hexbear.net)
submitted 4 months ago by happybadger@hexbear.net to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net
11 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

It's chill. You know I'm chill. All my friends say I'm wayyyyy too laid back to do something like that.

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[–] miz@hexbear.net 31 points 4 months ago

[–] Dort_Owl@hexbear.net 18 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Are you eating a guy right now?

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 22 points 4 months ago

I think that's a very personal question and frankly you sound like some of the mainstream media journalists who've been spamming my phone all day.

[–] Keld@hexbear.net 13 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Don't phrase it like that, now he can say no because he's eating a girl.

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 11 points 4 months ago

The genders of the people I've eaten don't matter because I'm not a sexist and do NOT agree with cannibals even if I think we shouldn't jump to conclusions about them.

[–] Collatz_problem@hexbear.net 17 points 4 months ago (1 children)

My "If any cannibalism allegations against me surface within the next week, just ignore them." T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 11 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

And it's incredibly frustrating. I wouldn't be wearing this shirt unless I wasn't anti-cannibalism.

edit: actually probably the most anti-cannibalism guy I know and all my friends hate cannibals.

[–] 30_to_50_Feral_PAWGs@hexbear.net 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

As long as you eat the ass first, it's still ethical consumption under capitalism

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 9 points 4 months ago

Well obviously you eat the whole body. Everyone knows that except me.

[–] Lemmygradwontallowme@hexbear.net 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You are eating your fellow floof walter ?

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 8 points 4 months ago

Oh trust me, if I was only being accused of raiding a dog shelter none of my haters would be chasing clout over it. My bullshit grandpa wouldn't be bragging about that to the police hoping he gets a movie deal. The real cannibals are all my friends eating me up to get rich off MY story and what I'VE been through.