instantly renaming a large city
this post was submitted on 19 Nov 2025
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But you have to name it after the person you hate the most.
Fall asleep at any time and place by will
It is impossible to wake up until you are fully rested, including by alarm, fire, or intruder.
But when you wake up, you're in a random spot in the wilderness. Every time.
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Teleportation!
But you have to go through TSA every time
π I'm on the shitter at work damn you, can't be laughing out loud!
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I'll stick with the strongest superpower of them all, I am Cables Never Tangle Man!
But you cannot tie knots anymore. Even worse - every knot you touch magically slips open. Be careful not to trip over your shoelaces!
Velcro has entered the chat...
So many tiny little knots
Itβs going to look like a shag rug as soon as they touch it
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Super strength
The power to reply to my own comment.
but you have multiple personality disorder
You become god.
(Not oc, this is a known joke)
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Manifest any superpower at will
... that then gets applied to everyone within 100 metres of you on top of yourself.
Lol, I'd still take it. All I can say is the people flying with me better keep close. Ditto the ones breathing under water
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Master poet level fluency in all languages
You can now hardly remember anything else (as happened to me, my memory is full of Chinese vocab with no space for anything else).
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Switch sexes any time I prefer
Every time you switch you have to peel off a layer of dead skin line a cocoon.
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... provided you are playing Uno and have a reverse card.
Shapeshifting to any other human or humanoid body
But you can only do so by singing, "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," as loudly as you can.
But you also shift into that humans or humanoids personality
X ray vision
Everyone in your line of sight gets the full radioactive dosage
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Can communicate with any animal
But they can't communicate with you
Haha imagine trying to explain that to people.
"I have a superpower, I can speak to animals they just can't speak back"
"But everyone has that superpower, I can do that too"
"Yeh but I'm actually really talking to them, like in their language that they can understand"
"How do you know?"
"..."
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The power to talk to women without staring at their feet.
In long-dead languages they can't understand
Deal. I'm Autistic so that's barely any different.
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