True. As a guy who grew up in a house where housework was shared and who does more than an equal share of housework despite working 50-60hr weeks, I can't stand guys who act as though they're too useless to be able to clean up after themselves, cook, etc. Serious moral failing on their part, especially when they expect their partner to be their new mommy and do it all for them.
this post was submitted on 16 Nov 2025
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menby
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A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy. Non-masc-identifying users are welcome to participate as well.
Detoxing masculinity since 1990!
You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.
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As someone who's lived alone most of his adult life, I'm now convinced one of the reasons the right hates people waiting longer to get married is because being single will for most people inevitably lead to developing at least some gender non-conforming habits.
Cooking was seen as feminine by my dad's generation. I do it so I don't starve. DIY isn't very useful for someone who lives in an apartment with limited space, and anything more complicated than a book shelf likely needs 2 people and power tools that I'll likely never use again, so it's better just to hire someone on Taskrabbit. Sewing on the other hand let's me extend the extend the life of my clothes, and I'll get the money I spend on a 2nd hand machine back in savings after 1-2 repairs, so taking it up makes financial sense even though it never interested me.
The amount of times at social gatherings "feminist" men don't notice that we've all disappeared to do the dishes pisses me off.
Women's work is largely invisible to people socialised as men.
Reminder that this isn't about sharing things 50/50, it's about de-alienating people from reproductive labour. Knowing what effort goes into the menial tasks that "make a home" is sometimes all it takes to transform how a family unit operates, building a relationship based on solidarity rather than exploitation!
I must admit, I do not cook. I do help with the cleaning though because that's something I can do.
splitting every individual task is a really unlikely way for things to work out, that's normal. like i'm more than happy to do all the prep and cooking myself if someone else commits to keeping on top of the dishes
handing off the wooden spoon with my partner to alternate each stir of the soup
i knew a couple that was about as close to this as you can get a while ago, except it mostly had to do with money. when they said they split everything 50/50 they f'ing meant it.
you eat a scoop of ice cream the other person bought? calculate the cost and how much you ate and pay them for it.
didn't take turns going to the grocery store? pay the other person for the gas they spent going twice in a row as well as for anything they bought that will be shared.
the other person did laundry and you asked them to help do some of yours? calculate the time they spent and pay them for that, along with the water and the detergent.
They actually took vacations alone because they would fight over the cost of whichever thing the other wanted to do not being worth it for the other person.
they fucking lived this way. everyone who knew them thought they were absolutely insane. then they got married and that REALLY blew everyone's minds. we lost touch with them a few years back, don't know if they're still married or not.
while that sounds like actual hell to me, glad they both found someone to match their freak i guess???
that was always what i said after we spent any amount of time with them... "goddamn i'm glad we don't live like that.. i'd myself"
I do it all, I wash, I cook, I clean, ladies (actually I am single and forced to fend for myself). But for real household work should be shared along couples.
since I got a tabletop dishwasher I am way better at being on top of em, which is good cause I cook constantly
I do all the cooking in my house and clean all the stuff that needs hand washed. She does the dishwasher and laundry. Trash is the kid's job.
nah if i cook you clean if i'm doin all that, i ain't
I cook, do dishes, and do trash. She does laundry and litter. We like our system.
Exactly, always good to share the labour and recognise that of our partners!
this shit sucks. It has the same wavelength as jordan peterson. Maybe it is because i have lived alone and taken care of all my shit myself for a long fucking time at this point that this kind of thing deeply annoys me.
What exactly annoys you about it? You are not the target if you are not a perpetrator of unfair sharing of labour by gender standards. Why get annoyed on behalf of those that are perpetrators of this problem?
Edit: Shit just noticed the comm. Should I even be participating?
Should I even be participating?
I'll update the sidebar to clarify but anyone is welcome to participate in discussions here
Because it has the implicit assumption of men being completely incapable of basic tasks? This is something you need to show to elementary schoolers, not a revolutionary slogan.
While I was playing Battlefield 6 yesterday after being downed instead of reviving me a grown ass man on my team dragged my character's body into the kitchen and left it there, saying that is where I belong.
ⓘ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘵. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳.
Can I steal your signature idea?
☭ 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙜 𝙗𝙖𝙧 𝙖𝙢𝙧𝙞𝙆𝙆𝙆𝙖, 𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙜 𝙗𝙖𝙧 𝙞𝙎𝙎𝙧𝙖𝙚𝙡 ☪☫
Forum signatures and custom pronouns are the only thing Hexbear is missing IMO
This is the best fucking banner signature I've ever seen
And that is absolutely horrible. My criticism isn't that sexism and patriarchal repression don't exist. To infer that from my point seems disingenuous. My point is that this is not a revolutionary issue. If the means of production were in the hands of a ruling party of the people tomorrow that would not effect the dynamic of deeply engrained sexism in those who are chauvinists. It is a separate issue. This flyer implies that when men pick up the slack on domestic labor suddenly they will gain a revolutionary consciousness and join the nebulous group 'women' in building a new world. If we wanted to have a thread discussing how culture can be changed and the next generation of boy will not harbor those same prejudices that seems good and useful, but this is just a flyer posted to a group that I would hope would be well past this point in improving themselves. Posting this here just seems like an empty gesture aimed at a stereotype.
Hmm. I think the poster is not aimed at the average man but is aimed at people who already have a revolutionary consciousness but have unaddressed issues with their own behaviour. The left, particularly in the UK at the very least, is deeply sexist.
Also as context, the poster seems to originally be from ~~1919.~~
Edit: seems its actually from 1999. See below for more info
ⓘ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘵. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳.
Thanks for digging this up. Added to the OP
Please update the year to 1999
ⓘ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘵. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳.
There isnt any source to the wikimedia claim of 1919 so I really don't know if it is.
Some reddit posts of it claims winter 1999, "direct action", but I can't find it in supposedly that issue (cool website! ~~Maybe down? Try web.archive.org version of it.~~ No. I was just linking to it with www. which didn't work.).
Edit 3: turns out my mobile PDF view was cutting off half of the page. It is indeed in the 1999 winter edition of direct action. Source found!!
Edit: Im with this one redditor, I cannot find anything substantial on this poster
Edit 2: I can source it back to at least before 2004. Likely 2002. Since these are recreations.
ⓘ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘵. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳.
Updated, thank you for taking the time to find this!
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My point is that this is not a revolutionary issue. If the means of production were in the hands of a ruling party of the people tomorrow that would not effect the dynamic of deeply engrained sexism in those who are chauvinists.
No, it totally is a revolutionary issue and yes, it would. First, the separation of the proletariat along geneder lines in productive and reproductive labor is a large cause of splits in our ranks and a huge obstacle to class consciousness. It's also at the core of the fight for queer and trans Liberation.
And second the need for this separation in exploited (paid) productive labor and expropriated (unpaid) reproductive labor is not a historic accident, but a systemic necessity for capitalism to even exist. It won't go away until the means of production are in the hands of a revolutionary peoples party, that would, in order do reach this position, need to be aware of those material facts.
Framing this purly in terms of sexism (ideology) is an idealist take. The ideology would be effected by the underlying material conditions changing, as it has historically, eg in the USSR.
implicit assumption of men being completely incapable of basic tasks
is that truly your good faith interpretation of the message here? no thoughts on the history of sexism, the objectification of women? obviously it's criticizing how stupid and useless men are. Oh, poor men!
I posted my thoughts else where in the thread. You are being disingenuous in your interpretation. I am not saying 'oh poor men'.
There are many well-meaning people with awareness of patriarchy who have yet to unpack and unlearn patriarchal gender roles, that's the target audience of this poster's messaging, the average western dude from 1999, as Edie pointed out. It's less about the work itself and more about how women are overwhelmingly expected to conform to specific arbitrary work roles.
It's pretty amazing how common this still is today. I hear from my female friends about how their partner doesn't help with cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc.
how do you get angry at a poster that's about being nice to women... honestly your comment makes it seem like you didn't even look at it
I didn't get angry. I became disappointed realizing that this is the level of discourse we are at here.