ADHD memes

I'm late to the thread, and I don't have a meme handy to offset all of the other great responses...

I will point you towards Jessica McCabe and her book How to ADHD briefly noted here:

https://sh.itjust.works/comment/19118349

Following along through her real stories of her real life really resonated with me and my real life and so many similar experiences.

https://howtoadhd.com/ https://www.ted.com/talks/jessica_mccabe_this_is_what_it_s_really_like_to_live_with_adhd_sep_2017

Please get the diagnosis even if you plan to do absolutely nothing with it.

It opens doors

• Individual Education Plans

• Scholarships for additional services/materials even while attending primary school.

• Scholarships for College

I literally have a scholarship right now for my 5 yr old daughter. The scholarship covers speech therapy, occupational therapy, and I have left overs to purchase equipment like a pc for her use but I will likely put it into a 529 for her.

If she receives this scholarship for even a few years - her college will be all covered.

Tldr: Start the diagnosis process now, diagnosis can help your kid access support and understand themselves better and it can take a long time to get diagnosed.

I've added some strategies that have helped me at the bottom of my reply.

(Sorry in advance that this is kind of all over the place, I wanted to respond but I'm not the best at organising thoughts.)

For context, I was diagnosed as Autistic as a child but not diagnosed with ADHD until I was as an adult. I'm not sure what country you're from but I'm going to be talking about UK services here because that's what I'm most familiar with.

I wish I were diagnosed and started on medication earlier because all my life my executive dysfunction was labelled as depression which led to years of being sent round mental health professionals and crisis services who didn't understand why the antidepressants and cbt they were giving me wasn't helping, but when I finally got diagnosed and started on meds after years of fighting for a diagnosis, I realised a lot of the issues I was having were actually related to ADHD, not depression. It would have saved a lot of time and trauma to get that ADHD diagnosis earlier.

Getting a diagnosis can unlock the chance to access more support in education, such as an EHCP or reasonable adjustments in class and exams. (Although, it's often an uphill battle to get these even with a diagnosis)

Also, if your kid does get diagnosed with ADHD, take the time to talk to him about it. Someone I know who got diagnosed well into adulthood told me about how they felt alienated growing up because they were always perceived as weird and naughty but didn't know why; but looking back once they knew they were neurodivergent, they realised it wasn't their fault, and that closure was incredibly helpful and something they wish they knew earlier.

Also, if he does get diagnosed, don't just medicate, also learn strategies for managing the many aspects of ADHD.

I don't have many strategies for getting daily tasks done but a few I can think of off the top of my head which I find helpful are:

• Rewarding myself before I start (it sounds silly but it helps me with getting the dopamine I need to do to start the task)
• Setting timers and scheduling movement breaks when doing work at a desk (also, keeping that space out of the room you sleep in if possible)
• Putting on a playlist of music which is a specific length and using that as a timer
• Keeping food and water next to me when sitting at my desk so it's easier to just grab a drink/eat without breaking hyperfocus and losing motivation
• Incorporating my current hyperfixations into more boring tasks to make them more interesting for my brain
• Keeping tomorrow's clothes right by the bed so it doesn't take much executive function to put them on in the morning. Same with keeping my bag packed with everything I need in advance.

Un-medicated adult with ADHD here.

Every case can be different.

First thing I wish I could have done:

find a therapist who specializes working with ADHD. they will help develop skills and coping mechanisms that will help them throughout the life; whether or not you decide to medicate.

Second thing:

Find them an active outlet, a high energy activity that requires focus. For me it was hockey, but I wish it was circus. Juggling helps me manage my ADHD more than anything.

Third: Help them develop routines in their life, when to eat lunch, how to get ready for bed, seems simple but it is the thing I struggle with most as an adult.

Finally I cannot stress the first point enough. Find a therapist that specializes in ADHD.

I would have liked my parents to have been understanding of the fact that I had anywhere from serious difficulties up to and including inability, to do things they took for granted as necessary parts of life. Unfortunately they chose the methods of constantly yelling at me, belittling me, and being utterly dismissive and respectless.

Get diagnosed, and if applicable, treatment ASAP. In a very loose way, early intervention can "cure" ADHD.

Children's brains have much higher levels of neuroplasticity, and can therefore "learn" and rewire their brains' reward systems to be similar to those of neurotypicals. There is evidence that with early intervention and treatment, this is sufficient enough that children with ADHD can grow up into adults that are well functioning enough to no longer require as much treatment/medication, if at all.

about sums up my childhood and early teen years. get that kid early treatment.

Looking back as a man diagnosed at a much later age I definitely think my life would have been easier if I would have been diagnosed earlier in life. My parents simply never saw the signs, or actively ignored them. It was only when I wasn’t doing well in school that they intervened, and only to improve my academic performance. I guess they didn’t want to have a child with issues. I was yelled at by teachers for always being the last one to turn in my assignment, being too messy, etc. I didn’t have many friends, was bullied and basically always felt like an unwanted outsider as a kid.

I think I would have been better off having some help improving my coping strategies from a young age. I’m not saying your kid will face the same things that I did, but if it was me, I would have liked to have some help growing up.

I’m still a (very) high functioning adult right now, but it cost me a lot of effort, stress and time to get here – a lot more than the vast majority of my peers. I still have issues that most of them simply do not even have to think about.

Diagnosed as an adult

My parents tried punishments and rewards to get me to do my homework. Neither worked. They never considered that I was telling the truth when I said "I can't do that". No matter how hard I tried, there were some simple things that I just couldn't do. (I did get an apology as an adult when they finally had the missing information).

On the other hand, I was so good at the other subjects that I didn't have to study or even try until I got to higher education, then I didn't know how and failed badly.

Diagnosing early can help with getting access to medication later in life. Medication can be helpful with controlling focus, but be aware that children often don't have the vocabulary to tell you that the medication has uncomfortable sides effects, so you'll need to be aware of them (and consult a professional - not just a random internet person).

ADHD isn't an attention deficit disorder, it's an attention regulation disorder. Hyperfocus is just as common as a lack of focus, and it's not possible to force a hyperfocus or even direct it on the correct task. It is possible to do a task that's different from the current hyperfocus, but it takes a lot of energy.

Be aware of burnout, work with the ADHD not against it where possible, but keep in mind that sometimes things are just going to be difficult.

You seem to care, and know where to ask for help. You'll do fine.

Edit: I would love to give you tips for how to get daily tasks done, but my partner still has to remind me to eat some days. If you ever find out, please let me know.

Psychologists usually support early intervention. That allows the kid to immediately learn how to do things in the best way for them, instead of being forced to conform to a mold that does bot match them. If you can, an evaluation and follow up with a mental health professional would be beneficial. That would also allow the school to provide reasonable accommodation.

Also consider that having a diagnosis doesn’t mean you have to share the diagnosis with everyone (or anyone).

Learn everything you can about ADHD. Figure out what traits be has doesn't have.

Most importantly, discuss these things with him! Don't let him grow up confused and having to figure all this out on his own. Don't assume the school(s) will explain anything.

• Get them officially diagnosed: start looking for an appointment now!
• Decide about treatment based on science. In most cases, I believe, medication has the better outcome over non-medication; occupational therapy possibly too at that age, psychotherapy later. But they can tell you what works for that specific case.
• Educate yourself and show compassion. Ask yourself "could this be purely neurological?" before getting angry or forcing something.

During the holidays, I observed my son medicated and unmedicated. I noticed how unmedicated, he gets into all sorts of annoyances to himself even when just playing a board game with me. It's overall not as good of an experience for himself: He is distracted and makes worse decisions, gets my mood down by tripping over water or toppling stacks of cards etc. There are many little things that add up to worse experiences. Might have a hard time getting into whatever is trending in his class, be it sports teams or trading cards.

The doctor on YouTube channel HealthyGamerGG has a lot of good information and has recently written a book for parents.https://www.healthygamer.gg/how-to-raise-a-healthy-gamer

As a person who knew I had ADHD (inattentive) since middle school but didn't get an official diagnosis and treatment until my late 30s, I would recommend exploring an official diagnosis and treatment. 2 reasons: 1) It might take you years to get a diagnosis and find an appropriate therapist. 2) I now look back and wonder if I could have done better in my life if I got treatment sooner.

I was diagnosed at 8 and I was put on dexadrin, ritalin, concerta, and a homeopathic remedy. I built a resistance to 3 within months of starting them, and had to prove to my mom that homeopathy is bs by tossing my dose of the remedy without telling her for months and then asking her if she was still seeing a difference in my behavior, then had to explain how the placebo effect worked. I didn't really know how to devwlop coping mechanismd until I was an adult, so my ADHD made my childhood more difficult than it needed to be.

No doctors ever told me, so when I eventually found out the root cause of ADHD symptoms when I was in my mid 20's, dopamine getting absorbed by the brain at an increased rate so the dopamine production can't keep up, I realized I just needed an additional source of dopamine to keep me on track. Audiobooks have been an absolute godsend in that regard for me, but other people use music or snacks. It doesn't fix everything, but it does keep my mental health a lot more balanced, so I don't hyperfocus or have my focus wander as extremely because I eliminate a lot of time where I don't have enough dopamine.

I would recommend going for a diagnosis, even if it's just so you know for sure and can look up coping strategies people are using, and potential tax benefits as well. You can always try medication as well, or even just do meds on days you need your kid to focus, and leave them unmedicated otherwise.

Diagnose and medicate - since getting through school absolutely requires it and failing school might bring with it other bad things for a kid when it comes to which people they hang out with etc.

/father of ADHD school kid

Not much time to write a better answer, but here's something that worked for me (for first).

My parents believed they would have restricted my life in some manners if I had an official diagnosis. Instead they put a lot of effort into telling me throughout all my childhood and youth how each person has their pluses and minuses and nobody is objectively better than the others. And they kept making sure that I understand that every humam has a right to be themself and should be proud of their good sides. This gave me a lot of coping mechanisms that have been if huge help for me! I've learned to circumnavigate all kinds of problems caused by ADHD, which means I've been able to fully take advantage of all the good things ADHD brings.

However, this also meant that I was absorbing information very efficiently and therefore never had to do my homework and got almost the best possible grades anyway. But around the age of 15 that started to seriously backfire, getting worse with the time. Not only did the school grow more difficult and my ADHD started to have an actual effectively on my learning. Learning the habit of doing my homework without any ADHD medicine was almost impossible and I would have flunked school of my teacher hadn't said: "I'm not accepting this quitting, I'm not going to look at that paper. If someone in this school deserves to pass, then that's you. You're 18. I'll offer you a beer at a bar and we'll talk about it!"

At thenage of 24 I finally understood I had ADHD and learned the meanings of so many words (now my children want my attention; will write more later!)

(Text continues again:) so, I learned the meanings of some very important words. Here's a graph showing what had always annoyed me:

The left bar, in blue, is how careful I was when doing things. The right bar, in green, is how careful I could be when I really put a lot of effort into it. It's a big difference, as you can see! And it didn't matter to people. They could not see me working hard. They could always find something small to complain about, and that bugged the hell out of me!

So, in the age of 24 I got my ADHD diagnosis and started taking medicine for it. That's when I learned what I'm showing in the next diagram:

Once I understood what the word "carefully" actually means, I could reach at least almost that highest level even after I ended my medication for a decade. It's a hell of a lot of work, but I can get there when needed now that I know it exists.

So, yeah, the medication did help. I am a proponent of trying to live without ADHD medication. I have managed to get the good out of my ADHD. I hitchhiked from Finland to India and that was an experienced that made my life better and gave me skills I've been later able to use professionally. I am a walking Wikipedia, and because I'm always zooming back and forth and because I always am overly optimistic with timetables, I run a lot and ride my bike fast. And that means I'm physically surprisingly fit, even though I've been at a gym, I think, three times in my life? At my work at a children's daycare centre the standard answer to random but complicated questions like "what is evolution" is "let's ask Tuukka." And, my specific line of work is that I'm the reserve person of a daycare centre. Every day I'm working at the same house, but I have no group of my own. Instead, I'm always in the group where I'm needed the most. Sometimes in two different groups during the day. Every child in that daycare centre feels like I'm an own adult of their group. This ability to hop into situations and grasp the situation of the group quickly is something I've got because of ADHD. And to be playful. At the same time, I have it more difficult than my colleagues with tracking the overall social constellation that a group's children form, so if I was in one group only, my ADHD would also be a handicap. Although, the playfulness that the lack of dopamine has caused me to have as a coping mechanism, would be super useful in that work anyway. Still: I decided I want to build my life ADHD-compatible and I've found my niche. I don't need to be a muggle. Yes, that closes some doors, but it also opens some other doors. My ADHD makes me better suited for my precise profession than any of my colleagues would be. Those just tend to be a little bit hidden, such as the existence of the profession as a reserve person of a daycare centre :) But then again, the ADHD helps me notice such small things better.

But, at the same time, I am sad that I began the medication as late as at 24. I could have had very much better teenage years if I had used an ADHD medication even for just a year or two around the beginning of my teenage years. Also, ADHD medicine has less effect if you've used it during the childhood when the brain is still growing very fast. The brain kind of routes itself around the medication, finding ways to be what it would be without the medication anyway. And then that grows into the physical structure of the brain, causing a certain level of tolerance for ADHD medication. In other words: an ADHD medication will have a lesser effect on the brain if the brain has been able to build ways to avoid the effects of the medication when it was still growing. But, each child is different. If one of my young ones end up having ADHD, I will observe them carefully, and if it looks like their life might go off the rails because of ADHD, then yes, I will get them the medication. The diagnosis will of course come as soon as possible, medication or not. It takes about one to two years to get the diagnosis done, so if I decide "my child needs to begin an ADHD medication!", the diagnosis must be already made!

I don't think my parents made the correct choice in actively trying to be oblivious about my ADHD, even though they also supported me with finding coping mechanism to "whatever it is you might have or develop". A lot of things they've said to me are schoolbook examples of what one should never say to a child with ADHD. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is not a nice thing to have, and many people with ADHD develop it :(

So, to close this, I'll add what I think is the very most important thing for parents of an ADHD child: There are excellent books on ADHD. Ask your local ADHD support organization for what is best to read in your language and read at least two books on how to be a good parent of an ADHD child. If you can support them find the best of their ADHD, you're raising a star :) (Also, parenting an ADHD child is nerve-wrecking. Remember that you have human rights. Also remember to actively build a support net when you still have energy for it. An aunt or uncle or similar that has been a part of the child's life since almost the beginning can be worth their weight in platinum when you run out of steam!)

All in all: My life would, all things considered, be far worse without my ADHD. I've reached a lot because of it.

I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, and we suspect my six-year-old daughter may have it for a lot of the same reasons you listed.

We don't plan to have her diagnosed anytime soon, because we don't want to put that stigma on her. We wouldn't medicate her for it anyway.

It's entirely possible it's all just her being a six-year-old, so we approach her with patience and practical solutions. She lays out her school clothes the night before. We do our best to make meals interesting and varied. We have serious discussions about listening and give her gentle reminders. Her tv time is limited anyway, but we just pause it when we need to tell her something.

For my part, I don't know if my life would have turned out better with an earlier diagnosis. The way it went, I feel like I learned some valuable coping skills. And it's not like my diagnosis and treatment were some kind of magic fix. I still struggle with my ADHD.

A little more grace from my parents would have been nice, but they did their best and everything worked out with just a normal amount of grace.

Tripling the early diagnosis rec as that comes along with legal protections which means you have a tool to force schools to make accomodations. Medication when school starts to get hard which is probably like 3rd grade?

Therapy is good if you can afford it.

Turn things into games or be silly to overcome demand avoidance, which is easier said than done bc it tends to pop up when everyone is tired and like, the kid just needs to take a shower or brush teeth. When you get mad/frustrated is when you have to dig deep and find your silly place.

Even with medication it's still tough tbh, though it does help a lot.

For context my wife and I both have it as does our oldest. Baby TBD but odds aren't good lol

In addition to the other advice here, I'll say that whenever your kid creates a little mental trick or shortcut that helps him remember things or finish tasks, let him cook amd be encouraging, even when it might seem a little silly or convoluted. Sometimes, tricking one's own brain can be easier and more effective than "just remembering" or "just doing it". You might instinctively think of these tricks as cheating his way out of exercising willpower or discipline, but really they're coping mechanisms that he's gonna need to function independently.

I am pretty sure I have ADHD, but never been diagnosed. I had to learn certain things throughout school growing up and I almost failed out of my freshman year in high school. I was able to turn that around and figure out how to study and focus when needed. I basically used music and TV to help.

My kid has ADHD and I did get him diagnosed. I do not want to medicate him either. I would much rather help him learn how to control himself when possible instead of medicating him. It takes a lot of work. Especially in today's age with avenues like YouTube where my kid will get absorbed into that for hours. Just like yours, he will forget to eat.

It takes a lot of work from my side to keep him focused. I have to sit down with him to do his homework. He goes to a school where it's a bit more academically challenging as well, so what should only take 30 mins, might take 1-2 hours. He's well ahead of his peers in certain areas like reading where he's about 4 grade levels ahead. So, it's not that he struggles with school or the material, it's just focus. I have to make sure he does everything he needs to when getting dressed or ready. I have him in many activities to get him away from tv, YouTube, and other digital devices. It's a lot of work on my end, but I do feel like it's helping. In kindergarten we would probably spend 5 hours almost every night on homework. Now it's 1-2 hours sort of spread out. He understands what is expected of him and he has better habits when it comes to studying.

The main reason I got him diagnosed was because of his school. This way they understand and can make any accommodations due to his behavior at times.

At the end of the day, for us, it's all about routine. Even for myself. When I go on vacation and get out of a routine, I start going all over the place. Same for him. So, having a routine helps significantly. We do x homework first, then Y homework. We get our clothes on first, then brush our teeth for example. We go to x activity on this day at this time. This means I have had to become more organized myself, which is difficult for me.

I'm a psychologist working with my county's equivalent of CPS.

If you have the means, get him diagnosed. ADHD medication and behaviour therapy can help a lot with small children. Look for parental training held by professionals who can teach you how to help your child and what strategies work with ADHD kids.

This is what I usually recommend to parents with ADHD kids

I was diagnosed early, around age seven. At the time, the only real coping mechanism was Ritalin and very distressed parents and teachers. It took a couple of years for my parents to relent and give me the drugs, but no real coping either. Not that I blame them, in the late 80s there wasn't much outside of the drugs. It worked for me in school, but at a cost. No emotional output, no real friends, I was a zombie.

While I'm going on about my problems, what I want to say is that there are now better medications AND coping methods. Productivity managers, therapy, everything I wish I had as a kid. Get the kid into all of it as soon as a problem is forming and don't be afraid to help indulge an interest.