ADHD memes

Not much time to write a better answer, but here's something that worked for me (for first).

My parents believed they would have restricted my life in some manners if I had an official diagnosis. Instead they put a lot of effort into telling me throughout all my childhood and youth how each person has their pluses and minuses and nobody is objectively better than the others. And they kept making sure that I understand that every humam has a right to be themself and should be proud of their good sides. This gave me a lot of coping mechanisms that have been if huge help for me! I've learned to circumnavigate all kinds of problems caused by ADHD, which means I've been able to fully take advantage of all the good things ADHD brings.

However, this also meant that I was absorbing information very efficiently and therefore never had to do my homework and got almost the best possible grades anyway. But around the age of 15 that started to seriously backfire, getting worse with the time. Not only did the school grow more difficult and my ADHD started to have an actual effectively on my learning. Learning the habit of doing my homework without any ADHD medicine was almost impossible and I would have flunked school of my teacher hadn't said: "I'm not accepting this quitting, I'm not going to look at that paper. If someone in this school deserves to pass, then that's you. You're 18. I'll offer you a beer at a bar and we'll talk about it!"

At thenage of 24 I finally understood I had ADHD and learned the meanings of so many words (now my children want my attention; will write more later!)

(Text continues again:) so, I learned the meanings of some very important words. Here's a graph showing what had always annoyed me:

The left bar, in blue, is how careful I was when doing things. The right bar, in green, is how careful I could be when I really put a lot of effort into it. It's a big difference, as you can see! And it didn't matter to people. They could not see me working hard. They could always find something small to complain about, and that bugged the hell out of me!

So, in the age of 24 I got my ADHD diagnosis and started taking medicine for it. That's when I learned what I'm showing in the next diagram:

Once I understood what the word "carefully" actually means, I could reach at least almost that highest level even after I ended my medication for a decade. It's a hell of a lot of work, but I can get there when needed now that I know it exists.

So, yeah, the medication did help. I am a proponent of trying to live without ADHD medication. I have managed to get the good out of my ADHD. I hitchhiked from Finland to India and that was an experienced that made my life better and gave me skills I've been later able to use professionally. I am a walking Wikipedia, and because I'm always zooming back and forth and because I always am overly optimistic with timetables, I run a lot and ride my bike fast. And that means I'm physically surprisingly fit, even though I've been at a gym, I think, three times in my life? At my work at a children's daycare centre the standard answer to random but complicated questions like "what is evolution" is "let's ask Tuukka." And, my specific line of work is that I'm the reserve person of a daycare centre. Every day I'm working at the same house, but I have no group of my own. Instead, I'm always in the group where I'm needed the most. Sometimes in two different groups during the day. Every child in that daycare centre feels like I'm an own adult of their group. This ability to hop into situations and grasp the situation of the group quickly is something I've got because of ADHD. And to be playful. At the same time, I have it more difficult than my colleagues with tracking the overall social constellation that a group's children form, so if I was in one group only, my ADHD would also be a handicap. Although, the playfulness that the lack of dopamine has caused me to have as a coping mechanism, would be super useful in that work anyway. Still: I decided I want to build my life ADHD-compatible and I've found my niche. I don't need to be a muggle. Yes, that closes some doors, but it also opens some other doors. My ADHD makes me better suited for my precise profession than any of my colleagues would be. Those just tend to be a little bit hidden, such as the existence of the profession as a reserve person of a daycare centre :) But then again, the ADHD helps me notice such small things better.

But, at the same time, I am sad that I began the medication as late as at 24. I could have had very much better teenage years if I had used an ADHD medication even for just a year or two around the beginning of my teenage years. Also, ADHD medicine has less effect if you've used it during the childhood when the brain is still growing very fast. The brain kind of routes itself around the medication, finding ways to be what it would be without the medication anyway. And then that grows into the physical structure of the brain, causing a certain level of tolerance for ADHD medication. In other words: an ADHD medication will have a lesser effect on the brain if the brain has been able to build ways to avoid the effects of the medication when it was still growing. But, each child is different. If one of my young ones end up having ADHD, I will observe them carefully, and if it looks like their life might go off the rails because of ADHD, then yes, I will get them the medication. The diagnosis will of course come as soon as possible, medication or not. It takes about one to two years to get the diagnosis done, so if I decide "my child needs to begin an ADHD medication!", the diagnosis must be already made!

I don't think my parents made the correct choice in actively trying to be oblivious about my ADHD, even though they also supported me with finding coping mechanism to "whatever it is you might have or develop". A lot of things they've said to me are schoolbook examples of what one should never say to a child with ADHD. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is not a nice thing to have, and many people with ADHD develop it :(

So, to close this, I'll add what I think is the very most important thing for parents of an ADHD child: There are excellent books on ADHD. Ask your local ADHD support organization for what is best to read in your language and read at least two books on how to be a good parent of an ADHD child. If you can support them find the best of their ADHD, you're raising a star :) (Also, parenting an ADHD child is nerve-wrecking. Remember that you have human rights. Also remember to actively build a support net when you still have energy for it. An aunt or uncle or similar that has been a part of the child's life since almost the beginning can be worth their weight in platinum when you run out of steam!)

All in all: My life would, all things considered, be far worse without my ADHD. I've reached a lot because of it.