this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 176 points 2 months ago (3 children)

2 hours later, anon vomits up poopy water.

[–] irelephant@lemmy.dbzer0.com 72 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de 26 points 2 months ago

Cause South park taught us that's how it works.

[–] lka1988@sh.itjust.works 53 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You made a conscious choice to post this comment.

What a terrible day to have eyes.

[–] voracitude@lemmy.world 35 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You think that ruined your day? I had LASIK - I paid to read that more clearly.

[–] lka1988@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I wear glasses, so I also paid to read it more clearly. Arguably a fraction of what you paid, but the principle remains.

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[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 15 points 2 months ago

after that, anon's insides will be cleaner than the outside (4channers don't shower)

[–] empireOfLove2@lemmy.dbzer0.com 128 points 2 months ago (2 children)

The colon is literally designed to reabsorb water left in the stool from digestive processes so he legit probably just drank it

Enemas usually include things like glycerin that stop this and force the bowels to evacuate

[–] OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 49 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

it fucked his gut biome though, that much water coming in pressurised and without treatment is fucked

[–] Shayeta@feddit.org 5 points 2 months ago (5 children)

Wait, does this mean bidet usage straight up destroys your gut biome over time?!

[–] hobovision@mander.xyz 69 points 2 months ago

If the bidet is pushing the water into your colon you either need to use lower pressure or do some butthole exercises to seal that fucker up.

[–] AHemlocksLie@lemmy.zip 46 points 2 months ago (6 children)

...how high are you setting the pressure on that thing?

[–] Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 22 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Pressure washer, get it right up in there to clean it out.

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

My experience with pressure washers has always been splattery. I would not voluntarily choose a splattery bidet experience.

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[–] OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 20 points 2 months ago

No, it hits the surface, it won't reach your guts, you would need the nozzle stuck up your ass for that

[–] ArchmageAzor@lemmy.world 18 points 2 months ago

Where do you put the nozzle?

[–] Cordyceps@sopuli.xyz 7 points 2 months ago

Not sure if we are mixing bidets with anal douching here? A bidet is not intended for internal use.

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[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'm curious if this could lead to water poisoning, but I'm unsure what search prompt to use nor unwilling to commit that to my search history.

[–] iSeth@lemmy.ml 8 points 2 months ago

Water intoxication

[–] ch00f@lemmy.world 53 points 2 months ago (3 children)
[–] TootSweet@lemmy.world 36 points 2 months ago

Me 5 minutes ago: Oh god. No, I should not click that link. I'm definitely going to regret clicking that link if I do. I for sure am not going to... dammit I clicked the link.

Me now: Ok, that's pretty smart, actually.

[–] peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 8 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Can... Fish absorb oxygen by butt too?

[–] bhamlin@lemmy.world 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Not your butt. Maybe theirs...

[–] D_C@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

What if the fish 'swims' up my butt?

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[–] halvar@lemy.lol 47 points 2 months ago (2 children)

If the Human Body would crumble from childish injuries like this we wouldn't have been destined to rule over Mother Earth

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[–] QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works 45 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Interesting, I didn't know I could drink water anally. I kinda want to for fetish reasons now

[–] BowtiesAreCool@lemmy.world 32 points 2 months ago (5 children)

This is actually a survival technique if you have water than may not be quite potable to drink, you can essentially drink through your ass and not get sick

[–] tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip 44 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Ass chugging for health sounds sus but I don't know enough about butt hydration to dispute it

[–] Obi@sopuli.xyz 13 points 2 months ago (3 children)

It sounds logical to me that you wouldn't get sick, after all your poop isn't exactly sterile and so your colon is already shielding you from absorbing the bad stuff from it. What I question is how much hydration you'll really gain, you definitely absorb some since some folks can get drunk by dipping a tampon in vodka and putting it up there but I dunno about water..

[–] sukhmel@programming.dev 19 points 2 months ago (1 children)

In a different thread someone said that it's the opposite, you better drink the water because that would at least pose a chance of killing some threats, whereas if you butt-drink it it will be guaranteed to deliver everything as is

[–] Gumbyyy@lemmy.world 20 points 2 months ago (2 children)

So I guess if I'm ever in a survival situation and this scenario comes up, it'll be Schrodinger's Buttchug

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Internet comment of the day right there.

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[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 15 points 2 months ago

Colon is really good at dehydrating. That's why you get constipation if you hold it too long.

[–] cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 5 points 2 months ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

As we all know, our intestinal trackt is (mainly) divided into 3 sections: stomach, small intestine and the colon. The stomach mainly breaks down the food physically and chemically. The small intestine absorbs nutrients (and breaks down the food even more) and the colon dehydrates the poop, to not waste water and to get a bit more suitable consistency. It also saves space if you dont have to store all the water.

So you can absolutely drink water through your colon. I wouldn't really recommend it, since theres the danger of you accidentally pushing back your stool which isn't that good, but you can do it.

[–] Alaknar@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

As we all know, our intestinal trackt is (mainly) divided into 3 sections: colon, small intestine and the colon

WTF 2 COLONS

[–] cheloxin@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

She went in one side, got turned around, and came back out the same end. Happens to the best of us

[–] SnortsGarlicPowder@lemmy.zip 38 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I only know that from Bear Grylls and I think that guy is just a fetishist pretending to be a survivalist.

[–] BowtiesAreCool@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Ah, I learned it from Les Stroud aka Survivorman, who is the real deal, seems like Bear got it right for once.

(Should be noted it’s not a good method and still has hazards, but could save your life if you don’t have another option- similar to how how Les will advocate for simply drinking from a mountain stream if you can’t purify- more than likely you won’t get giardia- even if you do, better than dying of dehydration after 3 days of no water)

[–] Meron35@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

It should be the opposite. Saliva enzymes, stomach acid, and bile takes care of most pathogens, whereas anal lining is basically a direct route to your bloodstream.

This is why anal is considered the riskiest option for sex or drugs.

[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

We're not even in the douche bag dystopia's final form

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[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 24 points 2 months ago

Anon WAS dehydrated.

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 18 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Does this actually get absorbed like as if you drank it from your mouth?

And what if the water isn't clean, does it get filtered this way? Since excrement isn't clean either, there must be protection against dirt in there?

[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 51 points 2 months ago (2 children)
  1. essentially. You can absorb water through the esophagus, intravenously, subcutaneously, or via the rectal route

  2. nope. The bacteria and viruses will remain in your bowel, avoiding the acidic stomach acids that would normally kill them. This is a great way to get an infection

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 7 points 2 months ago

So it's actually safer to drink the dirty water

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[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 17 points 2 months ago

A normal day on 4Chan

[–] ZoteTheMighty@lemmy.zip 15 points 2 months ago

This is what Brent Kavanaugh meant in his high school yearbook when he said "Have you boofed yet?"

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 7 points 2 months ago

The dude was parched.

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