When I worked at a fair trade store we had these Palestinian olives that were so damn good. Every morning I'd open a jar for customers to sample, eat olives till I made myself sick, then do it again the next day. Good times.
this post was submitted on 06 Jun 2025
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I went to bed laughing about this image. Woke up having forgotten it, just to see it again and start my day off laughing. This is peak memery, thank you
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A while back a dev invited users to test out his app in beta that gave recipe ideas based on your dietary preferences (back before everyone was doing it).
I told it I’m vegetarian, am lactose free (m’spouse is lactose intolerant), and gluten free (I’m not, but 23andMe told me to maybe cut back on gluten to avoid developing the celiac’s I’m at risk for/others in my family have).
The only food it came up with for me— for dinner— was “a handful of almonds.”
That phrase has become a running gag with friends and I whenever we’re hungry af, because I’ll never forget how hilarious of a dinner suggestion that was. It felt akin to my vegetarian experience of going to a stakehouse for my grandpa’s birthday and the waiter being understandably woefully unprepared for my dietary preferences.
Even now some recipe apps— when I look for gluten free stuff— I can tell it didn’t filter my results and instead just appended “gluten free” to ingredients that normally have gluten.
Which I get, but like… gluten free bread is gross/they haven’t mastered that at all.
gluten free bread is gross/they haven’t mastered that at all
Canyon Bakehouse has pretty decent bread, except the loaves grocery stores typically carry are woefully tiny. Like “for ants” tiny.
O’Doughs burger buns are decent, except two things:
- They don’t slice all the way through the bun when precutting, and
- They have poppy seeds on them
As for hotdog buns; well, all brand’s are shit and the people making them should feel really bad for the terrible job they’ve done. Seriously, they should feel nothing but shame.
Canyon is one of the best, but weirdly the Whole Foods store brand is really decent for their bread, waffles, and bagels and super cheap. Like matching normal bread cheap. I go to Whole Foods twice a month and buy pretty much only these items because my wife has Celiacs.
They make those disgusting hot dog buns and can't even be bothered to split the tops. Then you open it and it immediately falls apart
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OMG I would fucking destroy a handful of almonds right now.
Ironically I indeed have come around to eating them as a snack, which I never would’ve considered at the time.
(I was more about whatever high sodium crap triggered the dopamine at the convenience store nearby: chips, Chex mix, corn nuts, etc.)
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one time I got home late from work and I had a jar of pickles and a box of cheap wine in the fridge, so i poured myself a cup and grabbed some pickles and ate that for dinner, then about an hour later I had to run to the toilet to barf out all the pink relish
That sounded pretty good until the pink relish part. Won't try it.
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Usually these are supposed to be ironic, but I genuinely see nothing wrong with this.
It's a healthier meal than 90% of stuff from the supermarket, maybe a bit high on the salt
maybe a bit high on the salt
If they're calamatas take that bit high and make it slightly less salty then all the salt.
Eat them out of a jar with your fingers?
What am I? A beast?
No. Chopsticks. I can eat far, far more olives if I preserve the integrity of my fingers.
This works with Maraschino cherries, also. Helps you reach the bottom of the jar and keeps your fingers from turning red. Double bonus.
Said jar, by the way.
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Am I the only aspiring tree frog in this thread? Nobody else enjoys putting olives on their fingers and waving menacingly?
To be frank, I definitely did this as tome point and I'm pretty sure I actually did not regret it.
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I’m described by this meme and I don’t like it.
Didn’t you read the meme? There’s nothing to regret
I like this.
Dinner ✅
You gotta balance that out with some croutons. Like, a whole bag of croutons.
I spent ten whole days in Jerusalem
Mmmm Jerusalem
Sweet Jerusalem
And all I ate was olives
Nothing but olives
Mountains of olives
It was a good ten days
I like olives
I like you too
-The messiah
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Living in a hotel during the week, olives and sauerkraut are my go to when I can’t be bothered
I'm drunk as fuck rn but the pub I went to had some bomb ass olives that tasted kind of like corn, and now I regret not asking what they were called.
Fuck it. Ask them. Just pick up the phone and call them right now to ask.
if it needs to be green olives, get the stuffed ones. but black olives are fine.
wee-knight
Finally, a real life hack!
Later that day, my anus: "You have betrayed me!"
I used to eat entire cans of black olives as a kid when there wasn't much in the house.
I still would, except I don't usually have cans of olives on hand.
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