this post was submitted on 26 May 2025

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115

Am I a dick if I don't want to meet an old friend for coffee if she brings her babies along? (lemmy.wtf)

submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) by _j_@lemmy.wtf to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

83 comments fedilink hide all child comments

An old friend/aquaintance I've not spoken to in a few years popped up recently and we got chatting a little over text. In the few years since we spoke she's had two babies by two different guys. They're ~6 months and ~2-3 years.

She said that we should get coffee and catch up properly, and I was sort of down, although I'm not really that enthusiastic about catching up with someone I've frankly not thought about in a few years. But hey, it's something to do, and it might be interesting. So I suggested a coffee shop near her and asked if she'd be able to get time away from the kids, but she said that no, she'd have to bring the kids along.

I don't want to be a dick but I'm really not interested in sitting in a coffee shop with two babies. They're mostly just going to be the focus of the occasion because they need constant attention, and I don't really like kids in general. And, if they cry or act up and attract attention I will hate that.

AITA? How do I tell her I'm really not interested in sitting with her babies for an afternoon?

(page 2) 34 comments

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[–] Vinny_93@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago

Maybe I'm biased but my two cents is no. Not at all.

I think people who impose their kids on others are the assholes.

The thing with new parents is that they are, in my experience, completely devoid of any personality they used to have. They may have been fun people at some point, but once they get pregnant, it's pretty much all they can talk about.

I've got some close friends who are on the cusp of becoming parents but my wife and I have made it quite clear we are not at all interested in that part of their lives. And they accept that.

Especially seeing as how you've not spoken to this person for some time, 'catching up' is out of the question if children are involved. Unless they're passed out or whatever. It seems to me this person is just looking for an excuse to talk about their children for a couple of hours while you politely nod and agree. For them, the best case scenario is that you're as happy to be around those kids as they are.

I think you can set boundaries if you are not looking forward to meeting with the kids around.

[–] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago

No you're totally reasonable lol

Not unless you want to be babysitting them one day.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

I actually would love to meet my best friend's kids. I haven't seen him in person since he got married (he lives 2 states away), and I wanna see how much his kids are like him 🤣

Maybe look at it from a different perspective: You could get through a single afternoon with her and her kids; she has to be with the kids every single day and probably doesn't get to talk to old friends often.

[–] andrewta@lemmy.world 1 points 5 days ago

These responses are as varied as you can get

[–] Litebit@lemmy.world -4 points 5 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Coffee is not good for babies, save the babies, don't meet her. Call child protection. I don't think she is your friend if she is giving her babies coffee.

[–] tauren@lemm.ee 0 points 6 days ago

Her kids - her problems, you don't have to deal with that.

[+] bollybing@lemmynsfw.com -12 points 6 days ago (1 children)

YTA. People with young kids tend to socialise way less because they dont sleep and its a lot of work. When they do socialise the kids tend to be around because organising childcare is difficult to organise, can be expensive, potentially stressful for the kids. Very frequently the options are take your kids with you to socialise, or dont socialise at all. Its why new parents suddenly start socialising a lot with other parents.

And it might not be as bad as you think, depending on the kids. They may be happy entertaining themselves and sleeping, and you can have a relatively normal time until they wake up and get restless at which point the mum might decide its time for them to leave. Or they could be crying and screaming the whole time.

[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 1 points 5 days ago (2 children)

tldr: you are the asshole if you don't want to meet. people with young kids need you, they deserve meeting with you! look how lonely they are, you cannot just decline!

[–] Ironfist79@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago (4 children)

You are not entitled to anybody else's time.

[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 1 points 4 days ago

that's the same thing I attempted to say

[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 1 points 4 days ago

that's the same thing I attempted to say

[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 1 points 4 days ago

that's the same thing I attempted to say

[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 1 points 4 days ago

that's the same thing I attempted to say

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[–] FreedomAdvocate@lemmy.net.au 0 points 6 days ago

Yes, you’re the arsehole. She’s not asking you to raise the kids, they’re just going to be there while you catch up. You don’t want to meet up with her because of the 2 most important things in her life, so I’d expect she won’t ask you again. Ever.

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