this post was submitted on 21 May 2025
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Maybe one of those giant constricting snakes. Do I get a shiv? If I have a shiv that snake is fucked. I like snakes by the way but I think it would be easy to fight one.
There's no way a single dude is dropping a horse with their bare hands.
How many dudes do you think it would take?
I say it takes at least 5 average humans to put a horse in the ground without weapons. And if the horse is also fighting to the death you're losing a couple people for sure.
Source: my entire ass
Source: my entire ass
OP is talking about horses, not donkeys. Also, I hope your donkey wasn't harmed in the process of getting this information.
Ill need a pic of the source for reference.
I agree with your ass
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Animals I have beaten in a fight:
Feral dogs.
Feral dogs likely mixed with eastern coyote. I cheated though, I shot them.
Animals that have beaten me in a fight:
Geese.
A catfish (in my defense, it was massive and the fight was in the water. On land I would have won)
Humans.
Animals I have run from rather than fight:
Hornets.
Bears. Black bear, we startled each other, then I left a trickle down my leg while I ran.
A big pack of dogs. Wasn't armed, and saw them coming.
My record is not exactly impressive
I mean it’s better than something truly shit like “I once accidentally stepped on a hamster”.
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I have about the same. Ran from a snapping turtle in the cumberland river near nashville. Was fishing. Saw what amounts to a dinosaur floating by and … noped the heck out of there.
Oh, no way am I going near a snapper in the water. hell no
Now, on land, I've had to move some off of roads before, but on land they aren't as agile. They're fast in the water though
for sure! ha. those TN rivers are totally unknown to yankees from new england like me too.
I mean, fending off a single feral dog without a firearm would be fairly impressive imo...
But you lost to a goose? Geese?
They're all bark and just a bit of bite. Either get a decent stick, or just accept the pain and then grab them by their stupid fucking necks, now bludgeon the others with your feathery flail.
... Running from a bear, and a pack of dogs, on the other hand, I mean thats understandable, choosing to pick a fight with either would be suicidal for ... basically most people.
Ideally, if a Black Bear has already noticed you, you should intimidate by making yourself appear larger with an exaggerated stance and billowing your coat and what not... shout at it if it approaches... all while evacuating in a controlled manner... you don't run away in a panic because that might actually incite it to give chase when it other wise would not have.
But yeah a pack of rabid dogs will absolutely fucking kill an average person, even if said person has a gun or decent melee weapon, nothing to be ashamed of for noping the fuck out of those encounters.
A huge catfish is also quite strong, and other humans have been known to be competent fighters, lol, again, nothing really to be ashamed of there imo.
You know, people underestimate how difficult it is to grab a goose that's flapping and pecking at your head
You can't keep your eyes open, unless you just enjoy having them poked by feathers or beaks. That isn't about pain, it's about the reality of eye injury being a very bad thing.
There's tricks we used in jujutsu that make use of that reflex. You make fast movements towards the eyes, particularly if you can get close enough to make air hit the eyes from the movement, and the eyes are closing, period. You can be ready for it, watching it come, and you'll still at least blink. It isn't voluntary.
Sure, you could stand there with your eyes closed, waiting for a chance to grab the bird that's battering you. It isn't going to kill you, it can't unless it gets really lucky and catches your carotid just right. But, while you're groping for that neck, you're getting your face bruised and scratched up. Punching or slapping doesn't do anything because they just move with it.
So, it's easier to give the bird what it wants: you away from its nest.
Edit: because I don't have the patience for malarkey.
It I had wanted to kill a goose, I could have drawn my firearm or a knife and done so. And yes, that would count as a win in some people's minds. But in my mind, the point wasn't to just kill birds for attacking me near their nests, even though I wasn't previously aware said nests existed. You live in farm country, sometimes you fish at farm ponds. Sometimes the local critters get frisky.
What you don't do when you have the privilege of fishing on private land is go around shooting anything at all, or killing the wildlife without express permission.
I wasn't hunting down a goose for some kind of grudge match. To the contrary, had I known ahead of time that geese has nested near the pond, I would have fucked right off, left them alone and found somewhere else to fish. But, you can't always see a nest on a casual look around. Hell, generally, the cows were more on my mind since they enjoyed pushing people in the water unless you spent the day scratching their itches for them.
I'm kind of amazed that anyone wanted to turn this casual and funny comment chain into a dick measuring contest, but here we are.
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A single rear leg kick from a horse can easily break your skull apart, snap your neck or spine, cave in your entire chest, snap your femur, shatter your hip.
One good connecting hit and basically 99% of people are dead, paralyzed for life, or at best, extremely seriously injured and needing immediate hospitalization.
An unarmed human is not going to win an aggro'd fight with a horse in some kind of cage match scenario, unless its very young, very old, or quite sick or already injured.
Horses can be very dumb though: In a more real world scenario, you may be able to spook them into breaking their own legs on uneven ground, or even just running off of a goddamned cliff or into a tree or some other obstacle.
Alternatively: Spend the hour of prep time getting horse feed and poison.
Don't fight it, befriend it, and then betray that trust.
Nowhere in the rules says it has to be a fair fight. What if I just shoot the horse from outside of its pen?
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An unarmed human is not going to win an aggro'd fight with a horse
Do I get prep time?
unfortunately for the horse, i’m in the 1%
Are you by any chance a centaur, perhaps an andalite?
Let's say it was reasonable to 1v1 a horse.
I wanna know what a lone horse does to prepare for a fight, that turns the tables from winning to losing...
You can sneak up on a horse or suckerpunch it. If it gets prep time it knows it has to fight immediately and you are fucked
If it gets prep time it knows it has to fight immediately
How? It's a horse. It's not like you can coach a horse...
'you see that guy over there, he's gonna come throw hands in 45min. You better be ready horse'
That horse won't know/understand it's fighting until the human takes the first swing; unless they run at the horse screaming like a maniac...
You've never spent time around horses
Eats, shits, pisses, and complains.
No clue how that helps it win, but thats about all a horse is gonna do with an hour of solo prep time, lol.
What's the girl equivalent of this? I'd like to have some conversations with my wife that don't send her off on list-making/plan-making expeditions or remind her of something she wanted to research on the internet.
Try the same question. Maybe just a slightly smaller horse. Prep-time negotiable.
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My rule is anything smaller than my knees is gettin it's ass kicked. I've got strong legs and decent form while kicking, and so far haven't found a creature that size I couldn't fend off with a good hit. So far that's mostly meant wild dogs and a goose.
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Is that Minecraft server still online?
Oh lol. I didnt even see that when i googled for the steroid horse
What's a horse going to do with prep time? Grow opposable thumbs and learn how to use tools?
Cut to the horse doing a Rocky IV training montage
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We had this question in a board game where the other people have to guess what animal I would pick. I opted for a herbivore - goat or sheep or something. I can only remember one other answer and that was my 7 year old son who quite brilliantly thought I could take a sperm whale.
Maybe on land.
Herbivores can be more dangerous than carnivores because when they fight or flight it is for their lives and carnivores don't want to be injured while killing.
A panicked deer will destroy you if it happens to flee into you. Not because it is trying to harm you, but because it weighs a lot and is flailing around like a madman. A goat would do some damage, especially if it gets a chance to head butt you and decides to follow up.
Do. Not. Fuck. With. A. Moose.
I could take a sloth. Probably.
I'm betting on the sloth.
I want to trash-talk her for wasting time in a way that involves wasting another human's time, but its a bigger problem that so many people are lonely and afraid of wasting the time of others. Get out there and troll IRL, people!!
I’m not going to fight an animal. I’m easily pinned down by a house cat and they’re pretty small.
I can wrestle a modestly sized gator on land. I know I can catch certain nonvenomous snakes. Catching turtles and tortoises is pretty trivial, aside from snapping types.
Size really does count for a lot. So does a creature's inability to bend enough to bite you if you grab it a certain way. Finally, how willing are you to deal with some pain? Because you're probably gonna bleed.
Def not a squirrel, those are too fast. Maybe a smallish-medium fish and prob a goat
I won't lie about your odds, but you have my sympathies:
https://richardbradbury.com/wp-content/gallery/guinness/Final-Goat_-221b.jpg
