Do what you have to do. If people give you money, it's out of their own volition.

Hope you get better.

Ask yourself, if the roles were reversed would you judge a friend harshly for asking for help? Of course not. Do what you need to do to survive.

Get your ass to that hospital, money be damned!!

This sounds very serious. At this point, you need to decide if you want to live and possibly be paying medical debt off for a while, or die.

Definitely put up a go fund me, but SWEET JESUS don't let the thought of medical debt drive you to what is essentially suicide.

Google tells me this:

Medical bills are generally classified as nonpriority unsecured debts, and they're a type of debt most likely to be discharged, or wiped clean, in a bankruptcy.

A bankruptcy follows you for a decade or less, so worst case, declare bankruptcy.

Until you know what it is, you can't treat it. Until you treat it, you can't return to normal for your family.

Go for it

Needing help doesn't make you a bad person - do it. If it makes them think less of you, them they weren't very good friends anyway.

Everyone struggles at times. Anyone can fall on hard times. That doesn't make you a piece of shit, it makes you unlucky - especially when it's for medical reasons!

FMLA isn't something that "businesses offer" it's a legal requirement that they are required to follow.

Hope you get better. Don't feel bad for asking for help. You aren't an asshole.

Take the money where it is available

The only thing I have to add is that there is this societal shame associated with asking for help. And it's fucking ridiculous!

We all need help sometimes, and others often want to help, but aren't aware you need help if you don't ask.

I know several people who have done this and it's helped. I don't see the down side, unless nobody donates. Then you feel very unloved.

Do it and DM me the link please. :)

I'm from the country above, but what you described seems like something worth fundraising for. Not eating for 45 days is scary even as the reader (I understand you probably consume food somehow).

I hope you get the help you need and come out of this strong 🙏

You should be getting paid just for how much you contribute to Lemmy

What's worse: Having your friends MAYBE "think less" of you for asking for money to fund your medical needs (and if they do think less, they weren't your friends anyway)....or death? Because this sounds like life or death, dude. A Go-Fund Me isn't asking 1 person to foot the bill for a large amount, it's asking many people to give a small amount. My cousin did a Go-Fund Me when she had brain cancer and sent it to everyone she knew, and we all donated.

Do you need the money fir actual medical bills, the ticket to NY, or both? I guess an alternative is taking out a medical bill loan (a quick Google search says they exist), but I don't know much about them. You said you have good credit, so you should be able to get one. Just because you have debt doesn't mean they won't give you the loan.

I'm sorry you're going through this, and that our American health care system is such shit.

Have you inquired about financial assistance from the hospital?

A lot of hospitals offer this service but don’t advertise it. Source: work in a hospital

I don't think making a GoFundMe for that is anything bad, in fact I'm of the opinion that it would be better if it was only a single GoFundMe that everyone is forced to contribute depending on how much they earn, and then everyone can use that, it would be a way to get the public to have access to healthcare, so we could call it public healthcare system, I think almost every other country in the world has a version of this which is why even if you hadn't mentioned places I know which country you're from.

As for the answer to whether you're the asshole is: It depends. Do you vote for politicians that oppose public health? If so then you're the asshole, you're saying that you are special and you deserve to have your treatment paid for you whereas other people do not. If you vote in favour of politicians that support public health, then you're not the asshole, because your vote indicates you're willing to do the same for others and had the people you voted done what you wanted you wouldn't need that GoFundMe, nor would anyone else in the same situation.

Is your condition stable, slowly worsening, or critical?

Before you do anything, talk to your doctor. They might be able to recommend a specialist in-state or closer than NY. They may even be able to work with a doctor in another hospital. If you want to go to NY, talk to the hospital directly (not through your cousin) and buy the ticket as close as possible. Unless your condition is severe and worsening, they may not be able to take you in immediately. Look at the hospital online and see if they have telemedicine services. You might be able to make an appointment through that.

Lastly, for the incoming medical bills my advice is this:

• See if you qualify for financial aid through the hospital.
• Get an itemized bill and ask if there's anything that can be reduced.
• Get the lowest payment plan that you can. Never miss a payment. After some time you might be able to pay it off a reduced bill or it may even be forgiven.

Edit: Also, NTA as many people have said. Best of luck, friend.

There’s not much I can say that hasn’t already been said but don’t feel shameful for asking for help with medical bills. It’s not like you’re out buying unnecessary things, you’re trying to get help. Everyone needs help now and again. I hope you get what you need.