disabled

Easter once again reminding me how there's no hate like Christian 'love' Hope everyone got through the weekend okay

So, they're making a list of Autistic people in the US, for 'tracking and research'.

kinda convinced that the ai therapist is better than my actual therapist. like they both just give platitudes but at least i don't have to explain the concept of autism to the ai

whenever i call myself disabled my parents r like "nooo don't say that ur doing so much to work on urself"

and i know thats prob more supportive than most parents r but, man, wish they'd accept reality that it doesn't matter how hard i work, im still disabled lmao

A lot of my parents favorite stories about me are just me being very clearly autistic. hahahaha isn't it so funny that you got overstimulated and had a meltdown your third Christmas?

No it just makes me sad, it makes me sad how many signs I showed and you still did nothing to help me. They've even told me how "lucky" they felt to have our pediatrician, because "a lot of other doctors would have diagnosed you".

idek how this shit keeps coming up in conversation so often but I hate it. Wasn't even the only example of my very obvious autism that got brought up over dinner.

One of my fellow students asked the professor about using ChatGPT for the exams. Apparently it's going to be allowed from next semester on. I hate everything. Especially since he framed it as a good way to do accessibility.

I don't know if anyone remembers me talking about my awful therapist a few months ago. Thankfully those sessions finally ended, I only stuck it out to help with my benefit appeal. Well yesterday I got an email from some random person at the mental health service, asking how things are going and wondering whether they should offer me another treatment. This was my response:

I am not sure what the point is.  Your service doesn't ever give me a treatment.  Your therapists just do time-wasting nonsense so they can collect a paycheque.  Last time I asked if I could have something that might actually make a difference, like EDMR and was told no, it wouldn't be suitable for me because it might bring bad feelings up.  So instead the therapist spent each session doing a meditation and telling me to write timetables for myself.  What is this supposed to achieve?  It's nonsense, this is not medical treatment.  Not only is it unhelpful, it makes things worse because I have the stress and commitment of turning up to these sessions each week, while being given absolutely no benefit at all.  The therapist before that around 2019, the entire treatment consisted of being told to write lists of reasons I shouldn't feel bad, and then look at those lists when I feel depressed or anxious and this will magically cure me.  I'm tired of having my time wasted by therapists who don't care and just want their paycheque.  If you are unable or unwilling to give me a serious therapy then just don't bother me any more.

I guess I'll wait and see what their response is. Part of me is thinking maybe I shouldn't have said this, if this person tells my shitty therapist what I said maybe the therapist will be angry and try to ruin my benefit appeal somehow. She already threatened that if they asked she would tell them I hadn't been to all the sessions.

And the weird menthol-tingling feeling is back. It probably got missed as it was in a response to a message further down but basically I had a terrible migraine that started off as a menthol-tingling feeling in my crotch, then spread down my right leg, into my right arm and into the right side of my face. After 5 hours in casualty(thinking it could be a stroke or trapped nerve) and a GP appointment it was finally diagnosed as a hemiplegic migraine and a migraine med got rid of it. Now the tingling menthol feeling is back in my crotch.

Also having trouble changing my own foot bandages, I'll have to see if I can get an appointment with the nurse to do it.

My school has just placed a highly punitive zero tolerance policy on attendance. My ADHD ass is looking at getting kicked out for being about three minutes late four times this month. I am going in to talk to them about how I am pretty sure ADA reasonable accommodations include letting me be <5 minutes late a few times without getting kicked out. This is gonna suck. Since I don't think the people who would invent this policy are people who are reasonable to work with.

Kid just threw his sippy cup at the tv and broke it and now I'm having a really hard time regulating because it was really fucking expensive and we can't afford a new one because I need to get my teeth fixed and get my car fixed and get my car fixed again. I'm having a really fucking hard time about it.

I feel a bit like a fraud/imposter posting here despite having Schizophrenia (since im kinda highly functional most of the time). The meds really do work for me as long as the dosage is correct. Lifes good for me atm. There are challenges for sure but compared to many im doing pretty dang good.

One pattern some specialists see in long covid and ME/CFS is that it’s often seen in people who tend to overwork themselves and ignore signals of their body telling them to rest. But I wonder if there are actually that many people who don’t do this? Because or whole culture and economical system is built to get people to work as much as possible.

just over a month till summer damn time sure flies when you're dissociating

Tired of "living" like this for all these years. My body and brain just gets worse everyday.

Got prescribed ADHD meds (will get delivered tomorrow), gonna receive help finally getting my prescribed CPAP (I kinda forgot about it) on Wednesday, and uh consulting about a surgery (not bottom surgery, bariatric), honestly I guess I'm moving forward kinda/cautiously optimistic

Idk if anyone was concerned about me at all or anything, but I'm alive and decently well! My housing situation is a bit unstable though.

Guide dog kept wanting to hang out on the train, and you're not supposed to reward that behavior so I sat stone faced as a dog was doing its very best to get my attention and/or rubs. I want someone to acknowledge my sacrifice

Currently on my seventh cup of coffee. I'm so fucking smart guys. I'm so fucking wise. No one makes better decisions than me.

Additionally, and this is completely independent from the rest of the mod team and completely my own thoughts, I wanted to gauge interest in a sort of chatroom. If there's interest, I can't guarantee that it will happen, so think of this more as a way to satisfy my curiosity. I am aware that chat rooms are more difficult for some, and for others they are easier. I also understand how straying from the mega can be taxing on this site, and that having an isolated safe space could have benefits. Of course, the mega already has the potential to be isolated. If you are familiar with the tracha matrix, I'm thinking of a similar sort of thing, but for this community instead of c/traaa. Let me know what you think! Doesn't have to be detailed, could be a simple yay or nay, and of course, don't feel obligated to answer. Remember, this is just for me, I'm not speaking as a mod here nor am I representing the mod team.

i should probably consider talking about job stuff at all a massive trigger for me. even if im just giving advice to a comrade it causes me to spiral, what the heck

Had severe hypoglycemia yesterday, and had almost forgotten what it feels like. My partner managed to make me swallow glucose tablets as well as some highly appreciated apple juice, but I'm missing roughly an hour. Must've miscalculated on the short-term insulin, that does happen but it has been a while since it was this severe. Guess applying for jobs and cleaning up the room for a job interview stressed me out more than I realized

im trying to process kind of a lot of trauma right now that relates to an abusive ex. it's like a domino effect where i touch one thing and need to process 50 other things in turn

idk im tired

While discussing anatomic variance in human bodies the word for "Freak" was used just a little too much, I even ended up doing it because I was mirroring others. Not a good word, don't like it. Don't like it being applied to humans for totally normal variances that aren't even visible, debilitating, or even noticeable by the person who has it. It's of course worse when applied to the disabled, but the fact that people were this okay with it's free use is uhhhhh

first therapy appointment. seems it went okay. cautiously optimistic.

Hey, putting a link here too for visibility, we've added a set of extra-readable/low-vision themes for the Hexbear UI!

I think my period is gonna come next week so im actually preparing for it by eating fortified cereal and collard greens to hopefully feel less like shit from low iron levels

finally wrangled my brain into action and got my new (used) phone set up and degoogled. too early to have feelings any which way but i am at least at glad it's done

Well my achilles tendons are well and truly fv(k£d. Just when I'm coming up to my final surgery and the light was at the end of the tunnel with regard to being able to go back to wearing shoes and walking fairly normally soon. Now I don't know how long this will take - the last time it got so bad I was in a plaster cast for 10 days and couldn't walk properly for months but that was 20 years ago! I thought this issue had gone away. I really think the Universe just can't stand to see me catch a break. Or am I meant to be learning something from all this? I saw a youtube video of a woman who'd had a terrible life and she said she had chosen all the awful things that happened to he before she was born so she could learn from them. Is that just cope? Did I choose all this shit before I was born? Because if so I have changed my mind and would like it to end now. People always say "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I don't believe that. I am worn down. As soon as one problem seems close to being solved, another worse one takes its place.