this post was submitted on 29 Mar 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 120 points 10 months ago (1 children)

why are you posting empty 4chan screenshots?

[–] FiskFisk33@startrek.website 13 points 10 months ago

what? It wasn't empty. There was, um, something about... hmm I don't remember.

[–] nutsack@lemmy.dbzer0.com 66 points 10 months ago (2 children)

try burping and then saying "oh fuck yeah that's good" as you approach before you get too close. this way they know you're coming and they know what you'll smell like

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 16 points 10 months ago (2 children)

And if you can't burp, you can instead fart.

[–] yngmnwntr@lemmy.ml 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I hate fartin and wastin' it, I'd rather burp and be tastin' it!

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 3 points 10 months ago (2 children)

With enough workarounds you can taste your farts as well.

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[–] nutsack@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

while you rip you can let out a sigh and say "ugghhh god yea" so again they know What to expect

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 3 points 10 months ago

Username checks out.

[–] Syd@lemm.ee 6 points 10 months ago

It's also cleverly putting the idea in their head that you smell good.

[–] Object@sh.itjust.works 63 points 10 months ago

I think the problem is that

Um

What was I talking about again?

[–] Hubi@feddit.org 54 points 10 months ago

That's some medieval ass logic

[–] lurch@sh.itjust.works 47 points 10 months ago

I have this too. It's when you move too silent. I just start conversations by saying DO NOT BE AFRAID with the voice in their head. Can recommend.

[–] Azzu@lemm.ee 43 points 10 months ago (1 children)

What have we learned? Anon is boring and wearing soft shoes.

[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 19 points 10 months ago (2 children)

might also have a problem with walking normally (constantly crouching, making stealth higher)

[–] And009@lemmynsfw.com 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] sporkler@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago (2 children)
[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 months ago

I'm pretty sure the axe would make them more noticeable.

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[–] latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 37 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Ooor, someone had to "survive" their family's bullshit and being unseen was the best way to do it. Then it became so ingrained in said someone's existential fingerprint, that they're now a ninja without even realising it.

[–] nesc@lemmy.cafe 39 points 10 months ago (5 children)

You don't need some tragic family background to be soulless creature wearing human costume.

[–] zaphod@sopuli.xyz 21 points 10 months ago

Yeah, bullying at school works too.

[–] JustAnotherKay@lemmy.world 20 points 10 months ago

Yeah I'm like this and it's not really a trauma thing for me. I'm just autistic and ADHD which basically means I take advice too seriously and I have a bad habit of getting into someone's field of view or in their way by accident. As a result of being advised to be less visible every time I got in someone's view, I accidentally became invisible. It's something I've been working on lately actually and I've noticed I scare people less often since I started thinking about it

[–] Prime_Minister_Keyes@lemm.ee 5 points 10 months ago

And one day when we flee
From our sweet misery
And shed our human costumes then
Revealing somewhat smaller men
Go off to work and then back again

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[–] WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 10 months ago (3 children)

I have the opposite problem—I’m a strong impression making motherfucker. Strangers consistently approach me to say “you look like [insert famous person].” Acquaintances tell me “I never forgot you.”

And yet, nobody keeps in touch without a lot of effort on my part. I wish I knew how to transition my “I remember you” power into an “I want to be closer to you” power.

[–] Object@sh.itjust.works 33 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Give him his soul back you monster

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[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago

I am like this and do not understand it. Literally the other day a FedEx guy remembered me because he was my brother's friend, another guy said he remembered me from 2nd grade. Neither of them at all familiar to me, and this happens regularly. I could never be a spy. It's not looks, I'm average in looks. This is not a small town either.

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[–] 2910000@lemmy.world 26 points 10 months ago (2 children)
[–] DancingBear@midwest.social 10 points 10 months ago

Aye!!!! More cowbell!!!

[–] ThunderclapSasquatch@startrek.website 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

A half dozen keychains has the same effect without being quite so odd

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[–] recentSloth43@lemmy.world 20 points 10 months ago (1 children)

He should play basketball with that superpower

[–] SparrowHawk@feddit.it 9 points 10 months ago

Anon no basket

[–] Hikermick@lemmy.world 18 points 10 months ago

They should start wearing juggalo makeup

[–] frog@feddit.uk 17 points 10 months ago

Approach where they can see you in their line of vision but not directly. Approach at a 45 degree angle.

[–] Pyro@programming.dev 16 points 10 months ago
[–] Gutek8134@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I also have weak presence, but I like joking about actually being a ninja

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

I call it my 'stealth field,' because I can turn it off. It just defaults to on.

[–] YarrMatey@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 10 months ago

Live SCP, image of anon is a cognitohazard.

[–] JohnDClay@sh.itjust.works 11 points 10 months ago

I like to say 'knock knock' to get someone's attention, seems to be a little less starting than a hand on the shoulder.

[–] sporkler@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

IDK, since my soul was collected people seem to unconsciously avoid me, and eye contact that lasts for a second would seem long, if he can describe having a conversation I suspect it's something else.

[–] Banana@sh.itjust.works 10 points 10 months ago

Very sad when someone innocent gets caught in the range of a false hydra's song

[–] match@pawb.social 8 points 10 months ago

You can use this power to be an incredible hypnotist or subtly manipulate people

[–] phuntis@sopuli.xyz 8 points 10 months ago

bros a blank

[–] BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz 7 points 10 months ago

Hollowborn !

[–] emberinmoss@sh.itjust.works 7 points 10 months ago

You just need to wear something bright--doesn't have to happy bright though, could be like a bright green skull on your shirt or something, bright coloured shoes with black attire. Own that spooky vibe. Lean into it. Be proud of it. You're not soulless, just a spooky ghoul and spooky ghouls are great.

[–] FiskFisk33@startrek.website 6 points 10 months ago

OP is a high level rouge with a CHA dump stat.

[–] elvith@feddit.org 6 points 10 months ago

I can ~~see~~ read posts of dead people!

[–] OrderedChaos@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

I can walk in making noise with my feet or humming and still scare people. I think op just works with people who are deeply engrossed in their thoughts.

[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 3 points 10 months ago

OP would make a great hunter

[–] blackluster117@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 months ago

The Schwa Was Here

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