Gender is a fuck, one of which I do not give.

I think we might be quite similar maybe? I don't think about my identity much it's more a desire to not align with societies definition and expectations of masculinity. The more "masculine" i am the more miserable i feel but in general I'd rather just be perceived as me. My appearance preferences boil down to whatever is convenient and comfortable, my behaviours and characteristics are just what i like doing and beyond that all i really want is for people to stop measuring me against their fucked criteria and deciding I'm amoral because i don't conform to whatever stupid ideas they have come up with.

This post could have been written by me word for word three years ago. I now identify as agender, and prefer they/them pronouns.

I just never cared at all about gender. I don't really have a conception of gender, I never really learned it growing up beyond "girls wear dresses and boys wear pants" which always seemed silly to me.

I've never acted according to my understanding of gender, I've just acted how I've wanted to. Someones gender has no impression on me, including my own. I don't present in certain ways or do things to look masculine or feminine or androgynous, I just want to present and act as I want to. I've never wondered if I'm too masculine or feminine or not masculine or feminine enough. It just has no significance to me.

I thought I might be non-binary for a while, but I found that the label of agender is more comfortable for me. You might agree with everything I've written and prefer to call yourself non-binary rather than agender, and that's perfectly fine. You also might prefer to not label yourself at all.

Consider if you would be happier calling yourself non-binary, or agender, or genderqueer, or anything at all. Don't feel the need to arrive at a concrete label that you have to stick with and commit to if you don't want to.

Also if you want to ask anything else, please do

As someone who took time to figure out they were non-binary (agender), it wasn't really my pronouns that bothered me, but that certain of my features made me look to much of a certain sex. I thought that if I fulfilled whatever archetype of that sex, I would be happy, whether it leaned more masculine or feminine. But I wasn't. It was being seen as that sex that bothered me in the first place. The biological implications terrified me, not because they themselves were terrifying, but because that wasn't what I was supposed to be. The voice, genitalia and secondary sex features, these features weren't supposed to be on me. I didn't want any of this.

The features you describe as disphoria seem to be social disphoria. In a sense, you understand that they see you as man, so it makes it even more uncomfortable.

Being agender is a possibility.

When my egg started to crack, I also considered myself to be somewhere on the enby spectrum because "being a man" felt completely wrong.

I don’t remember exactly what my thought process was but I clearly remember that I didn’t really force myself or lost sleep over it and instead just put it in the background and moved on with my life.

Over time I noticed that my felings were starting to develop more and more, even though I didn’t really put any hard thought into it, and 6 months later I finally felt ready to do the big soul searchy thing and discovered that I was just a woman that didn’t really care about gender.

So my advise would be to not be so hard on yourself and instead just ride the wave. If it turns out you’re not an enby then so what? Who gives a shit? I thought I was an enby for half a year and I was wrong. Do I regret it? Fuck no! Without this phase I wouldn’t stand where I am right now.

And for the whole imposter thingy: That’s trans as fuck. Every trans person has those feelings at some point in their life (myself included). But what I say to that is that as long as you listen to your heart and try to be true to yourself, you cannot be an imposter. You might be wrong about your gender, you might misinterpret your feelings, but you’re not an imposter.

Like, I'm AMAB but don't really identify with whatever "being a man" is supposed to mean in this society

I feel you on this one. Maybe it's because so many of the ways of "being a man" in American society are super toxic or just feel kinda gross to me. Maybe it's because my usual instinct is to not draw attention to myself, and a lot of masculine gender performance is about being big, loud, scary, and ignorant. Maybe it's because I resent how capitalism has made products like shampoo or waffles into gendered varieties where you have to buy the product that's "For Men" that has fighter jets and grizzly bears on the packaging (although those waffles with the bears on the box are kinda good, ngl).

More of my thoughts here from a similar thread.